Is it so shocking that I dont have “the girls”?

[Sidebeforeself]

I was talking to a friend at the weekend - someone Ive known a long time but she is part of a couple rather than “my “ friend if you see what I mean. She made some comment about doing things with “the girls’ and I replied that I dont have that sort of a friendship group. She was really taken aback and I could see she felt sorry for me. I explained I have a decent number of friends but they dont know each other, dont live in same city etc so that kind of friendship is never going to evolve for me. She made me feel very unusual.

I must admit I do struggle to make friends and am actively trying to I make more but it left me a bit paranoid. Not least because when I then considered my other friends I realised they do have all female friendship groups! Am I weird? Am I missing out?!

It’s not weird at all not to be part of such groups, I have 3 lots of ‘the girls’ there’s a group of 5 of us who all used to work with each other, none of us work there anymore but we’ve always been really good friends and go out, another group of 4 mums I met when my 17 year old daughter started school and we go out together then my childhood group who I went to school with. I’ve never moved far from my home town so suppose that helps. I’ve never really thought much of it, it just happened and I did presume everyone had similar groups but I also don’t find it odd for people not to, I have lots of individual friends too and lots who add on to the various groups sometimes. There’s a few comments saying when you’re a professional person with young kids it’s more unlikely but everyone in all my groups are full time working professionals with decent jobs and various ages of children so I would disagree

No idea. Haven't seen or spoken to any of them in 25 years.

Why is this your association? Is this what you and your girlfriends do?

Google it

Khayker

know what Ab Fab is.

You are sad if you think all women who have a friends group are like this.

I know what Ab Fab is.
You are sad if you think all women who have a friends group are like this.

You think women who have friends are all like Patsy? Lol

That's just plain ignorant.

Some of us are more like Edwina.

I associate people who make crass generalisations with being a bit dim and somewhat lacking in imagination 🤷‍♀️

I prefer one on one to be honest as then you can chat properly.

There's a few of us schoolgirls but we very rarely meet as a group as we're all over the place!

Friendship groups vary through life, used to have a group of school friends, now only in touch with 2 and they don’t get on anymore.
Still have a group of girls from uni but we all have our own families now and scattered across the UK, so meet ups aren’t regular and usually are only a few of us at a time.

I never do, my best friend is a gay man and then I have a circle of other friends who are not friends with each other just me. I've never been one for a gang of girl friends.

Who said that? Oh that's right, you. Please!!

I don't believe I've ever had this. I tend to gravitate towards one or two people in a group and find it much easier to socialise one on one. If I'm talking to someone and a second person comes along I sigh internally a little... I think that's more about how my brain works though. Some people naturally juggle group conversations well, I get lost very quickly in them. It's not a disliking thing either, I really like people generally. I've never found it as fun in a group though. Real cohesion without friction in a group is exceedingly rare in my experience.

Sounds like fun!
I think an awful lot of posters on mn are trying to out do each other in regards to who can be the most introverted, the most sensible, the most mc in their pursuits and unfortunately in a lot of cases, the most joyless!
Fortunately IRL I don't tend to come across people like this (I assume it's because I mix with the commoners who think holidaying in benidorm is the height of luxury!). Going out with the girls is common parlance that anyone can understand, it doesn't mean you are necessarily creating a new episode of Ab Fab, it can even be something like a sit down meal and a few glasses of wine (so sedate even mn would approve).
If you don't have 'the girls' or don't enjoy it then fair enough, reading this thread though it is very obvious some people like to look down on anyone more extroverted who's idea of a big night out isn't the local Italian and being tucked up in bed by 10pm!

Funny, you're insinuating introverts look down on extroverts (which by the way I don't find to be true myself, most introverts I know just want to get on with their lives) and yet with your sneering you're not exactly painting yourself in a radiant light as an extrovert. Good job some of us are capable of assessing individuals on their own merits rather than trying to lump people into crude and insulting categories.

I didn't say introverts in general, just the ones currently posting on this thread disparaging at anyone who happens to have a group of close female friends that they enjoy going out with.
I have no intention of painting myself in a radiant light, I don't care what an anonymous mumsnet user thinks about my opinion.

'Trying to out do each other' ... 'joyless' ... 'so sedate even mn would approve' and sneering about people choose to spend their evenings ... I'd say you were pretty disparaging yourself, personally.

And you might not have said introverts in general, but your conflation of 'introvert' with 'sensible', 'mc' and 'joyless' paints a fairly clear picture too.

Seeing a bit of judgement in some comments and there is no need. Having a girl group doesn’t have to equal bitching or “hell on earth.” Seriously grow up. That said it isnt the be all and end all either. Life would be much simpler if we didn’t judge ourselves against others. If you are happy (whatever that looks like) then you are better off than many.

Sometimes having a girl group stops u being able to expand your friendships with others. U can be friends for different reasons such as work or kids . I see some of my friends separately but the groups are mixed due to place we meet . Groups of women can get a bit full on if making plans as all the juggling of stuff. Only do a few hours love to be social but then need a bit of peace.

I'm exactly the same and have always been like that. I also inwardly sigh when I'm having an interesting conversation with someone and a second person comes along. Sometimes they can add even more interest but usually it means the conversation just gets derailed and the subject gets changed to something else. I never feel the conversation gets finished in a group situation because you always get people talking over people and not letting them finish or get to the point. Then I'm left a bit annoyed because I wanted to hear what the first person had to say and the conversation has moved on.

I mean, if it's something important I can grab them on their own later to ask them but sometimes it would just look weird to say "so you know that new dressing gown you got that you said was the comfiest item of clothing you've ever owned, you were going to say where you got it from and then we got interrupted" 😆

You're fine. We are all different.

Sounds like fun!

@TheWholeMealBaby No, it doesn't. It would have when I was early 20s but it would be weird if I screamed at boybands now I'm 50. Unless I was sitting with their mums going "aaah, you must be dead proud of him!"

People are different
I have 2 close friendship groups with whom I have enjoyed lots of good times,and had / have given lots of support in tricky times
Works for me
if it doesn’t suit other people that’s obviously fine

How interesting. You made me realise I don't have any male friends I see regularly, just three I communicate with mostly for business reasons.I find women more interesting.

You're definitely not alone, I don't have a group of female friends either. Never have had.

Yes, I have friends but they don't know each other, don't necessarily live close by and they tend to be couples.

Life isn't one-size-fits-all.