Is it so shocking that I dont have “the girls”?

[Sidebeforeself]

I was talking to a friend at the weekend - someone Ive known a long time but she is part of a couple rather than “my “ friend if you see what I mean. She made some comment about doing things with “the girls’ and I replied that I dont have that sort of a friendship group. She was really taken aback and I could see she felt sorry for me. I explained I have a decent number of friends but they dont know each other, dont live in same city etc so that kind of friendship is never going to evolve for me. She made me feel very unusual.

I must admit I do struggle to make friends and am actively trying to I make more but it left me a bit paranoid. Not least because when I then considered my other friends I realised they do have all female friendship groups! Am I weird? Am I missing out?!

I've got a big group of friends but they're mixed pretty equally.

I will sometimes hang out with an all female group of us, but that's more by accident than design.

Since covid I started joining various global zoom groups and made friends that way also. We see each weekly, chat, speak about one life's goings on and so on

Totally normal - different friends for different needs and interests. I also imagine less drama as there's no group politics involved.

I use to have a group when I was younger but obviously when kids come along and partners prioritise change and now I have just friends who I see separately which I actually prefer. I like the 1 to 1. When it was a group it was really bitchy lots of drama. No close friendships and I swear none of us actually liked each other

I have a group of friends (not all women, so not 'the girls') and it's really nice, but I think the one on one friendships I have are much closer and more meaningful.

You'll never like everyone in a group equally (and neither will anyone else) so there's always a bit of compromise with a group.

I don't think it's shocking to not have a group, there were many years where I didn't and it was fine/normal!

There was one girl in my old group who when I left I realised I'd actually never had a real life conversation with in 9 years, she was the most boring person I'd ever met, in 9 years I heard her say 3 words.

I do have a group like this but I also have individual friends too.
Many of my friends have met each other at points like birthdays and are friendly with each other.

Both is fine.

My friendship groups are work colleagues, former work colleagues, family, neighbours, former neighbours, fellow pub drinkers, old school friends and school mum friends. Some of these cross over. I'd find one group very claustrophobic!

Next time when you see her, tell her that is so boring to live at the same place most of the time. Tell her with a big sigh: “Gosh, the same people year after year - your social circle is so limited…”
😉

Dh’s old aunt was still referring to her bridge cronies as ‘the girls’ when she was in her 80s. 😂

Nope. I have seperate groups of friends and lots of individual friends, mainly due to moving around a lot when I was younger. I know lots of other people in a similar position.

Those I’ve known who have the one big friendship group have tended to have lived in the one place for most of their lives, and they seem like proximity friends/friendships of convenience more than anything else.

I had "The girls" when I was 16, and it fizzled out after that. Most of my friendships are now separate, mainly as we all live in different areas!

Exactly the same for me

The nearest I get to this is my book group, and even then I wouldn't class all of them as buddies. I tend to meet up with one or two friends at a time, because that is what works for me.

The idea of going out for coffee with half a dozen 'girls' honestly doesn't appeal. I am an introvert, though...

I don't have a group I'd call 'the girls' and I'm very happy with that. It's not something I've ever really thought about tbh.

I was once part of a 'girl' friendship group- other mums from school. Great to begin with. Then became very toxic and horrible. I took myself out of it and it's gradually dissolved since. I'd be very wary of being in a group again after that. Just sticking with individual friends. Definitely not weird to not have one.

I have a group of friends that are all women and I also have singular friends or whatever you would call them, that are not part of the group, mainly because of the distance. I don't call them girls though as we are all in our 40s and 50s and we are also all women in professional/creative careers.

During the last 20 something years I have lived in 5 different countries and I have made and sustained friends in those places but I don't have groups of friends there, that only happened to me again (since the teen years) when I returned to my home country 3 years ago. Before that my local friendships looked a lot more like yours OP, just a few friends that I met in various places. I have only made an effort to create a group now because this is where I want to live for the rest of my life so it's been worth it. I think if you do want a friendship group then it's not too late.

Why?

I have many different friends but also a group of girlfriends that I hang out with.

My girls have gotten me through some rough times. I'm so thankful for them.

I'm 47 and moved across the country ten years ago.

I'm incredibly thankful for my girlfriends. They are amazing.

‘The girls’ are not really into me 😆

I was bullied at school and couldn't wait to see the back of "the girls" frankly

Yes I feel sad that I don't have that friendship group but it's complicated for me as I also have a disability and people treat you differently on every level.

No "the girls" here either, the whole things sounds a bore. Not a fan of all-female groups I like a balance and prefer male company anyway. I find I do not have much in common with many other females, just the way it is.

I am in my 60s. I have never had "the girls" in my life or even gone out with just a group of women. I have female friends, some of whom know each other because we trained and/or worked together.

My grandma did this too! The girls 🥰 had all lived through WWII. Said with great pride and affection.

All types of friendships are valid and valuable OP. Old groups, new groups, 121 with individuals, friends met through partners, and so on. There are no set patterns linking life choices and friend outcomes. It’s varied and personal. As long we’re grateful for friends we have, and not lonely.

Exactly the same here (38). I can probably count on one hand how many friends I have. I don't socialise much. The odd coffee , I enjoy keeping myself to myself. I love my own company too. It doesn't bother me in the slightest. In my opinion I couldn't think anything worse than socialising with a group of girls together but that's just me and some people do.

I haven't got a group of friends I would call 'the girls'. I have plenty of friends in different circles some of which overlap. Some I've known for over 30 years and some more recent.