Is it so shocking that I dont have “the girls”?

[Sidebeforeself]

I was talking to a friend at the weekend - someone Ive known a long time but she is part of a couple rather than “my “ friend if you see what I mean. She made some comment about doing things with “the girls’ and I replied that I dont have that sort of a friendship group. She was really taken aback and I could see she felt sorry for me. I explained I have a decent number of friends but they dont know each other, dont live in same city etc so that kind of friendship is never going to evolve for me. She made me feel very unusual.

I must admit I do struggle to make friends and am actively trying to I make more but it left me a bit paranoid. Not least because when I then considered my other friends I realised they do have all female friendship groups! Am I weird? Am I missing out?!

I think it's you that is confused: on the one hand you accept " girl" means " a juvenile human female" . But then you say it's " used to describe women of all ages"

So you know it's meaning and accept it is used incorrectly?

Why do that? What is the point in creating confusion?
You only have to read MN threads where posters use the word " girl" and give the impression their partner/DH has an inappropriate interest in adolescents or children only to find after some question asking by other posters that it's actually an adult woman they are talking about. If people used words correctly it would avoid confusion and misinterpretation.

Is there something uncool about using the correct word for somebody/ something?

I've been accused on this thread of being humourless and uptight because I find describing women as girls ridiculous and demeaning. But I find the outrage of pp who actually think this misuse is " normal" quite disturbing. Why are they so angry that everyone doesnt agree with their dysfunctional use of language?

The way you are insulting women on here is what is dangerous.

Telling grown women they can't accept that they are adults if they refer to themselves as girls?

You keep saying language matters but conveniently ignore your own.

You sound exactly like the men who try and minimize women through policing thier clothing, language, vocations.

You don't trust women to know thier own minds and own persons.

Women are more than capable of deciding what they mean without you or any man deciding for them.

Perhaps we don't have an issue with the term girls because we don't see girls as less than.

It's interesting that women who don't agree with you are angry and outraged when the only one insulting people on here is you.

Women are capable of disagreements. Using emotive language to describe such disagreements merely feeds into the stereotype that women are irrationality emotional.

I hope that's not your intention.

I thought the point of language was to communicate with other humans.
I thought that was why words are allocated meanings: to facilitate understanding what we are saying to each other.
So we have a word - girl- which specifically means a female who isn't an adult, who is young and immature.
And we have a word which specifically means an adult female human - woman.
So why is you, and other posters, are so hell bent on referring to women as girls? There must be some reason for your dislike of actually calling a woman a woman ? Why is it so important to you to be referred to as girls?

I don't recall saying it was important to me to be referred to as a girl?

In fact I've referred to myself and others as women throughout this thread.

What is important to me is that I can refer to myself however I like and refuse to be dismissed because I'm not using the language you deem appropriate.

Women telling other women who they are and what they think because they disagree? Hardly seems the embodiment of feminism does it?

Girls are strong and powerful. You're focusing on age, I'm focusing on much more than that.

How am I insulting people?
Why is disagreeing with people over misuse of language insulting them?
What emotive language am I using?

I've been told I'm talking rubbish, told I have no sense of humour, been ridiculed, been told i'm anti - feminist - dont know how btw - just because of my stance. But that's all OK isn't it?

As far as I can see I've insulted nobody, I've just answered the ridicule that has been thrown my way.
I see now I'm getting unpleasant accusations thrown my way.
Just because I don't buy into this calling adult women " girls" viewpoint that is being touted as " normal" on this thread by some pp.

This was your first post.

If you actually thought this then you would be ridiculous.

You can be annoyed at women using the word and put people down in your estimation. I for one would not care about that.

I doubt very much you would seriously think they were living their life as a schoolgirl though as that would just be a bit daft and highly unlikely.

JoyfulSpringFlowers I happen to have studied linguistics at post-grad level, so I know a little bit about the power of words and how they can shape the world around us. There are a slew of of points I could make to illustrate the holes in your argument, but to be honest I just can't be fucking arsed.

Furthermore, I suspect you don't have much call to ever use any terminology for a group of friends. So it all seems rather moot, to me?

I think you are being disingenuous here if you really think that a person's use of language doesn't feed into and play a large part in your perceptions of that person.
If I met some one who kept referring to herself and other women as "girls" then it would cause me to think of her as immature and that she mixed with other women who were immature.
And I would think that she and I had different views on life and I would think that I didn't have much in common with her. So any intereraction would be on a very superficial level.
So she would have gone down in my estimation because usually when you meet people you have the hope and expectation that the person you are meeting is someone you can interact with on a meaningful level. And those expectations would have been unfounded.

You entered this thread by insulting women and then accused us of being angry and outraged for disagreeing with you.

That’s ridiculous. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with the OP nor having a girls group, but I’m in my 50’s and all my female friends have groups of friends they refer to as the girls. I can promise you we are all fully functioning adults!

So she would have gone down in my estimation because usually when you meet people you have the hope and expectation that the person you are meeting is someone you can interact with on a meaningful level

'Interacting on a meaningful level' is this your actual way of describing friendship? Really?

If you were to extrapolate all of that from the term girls that says a great deal about your lack of critical thinking.

Sadly I imagine you'll miss out on a lot of amazing women with such ill informed opinions, but you don't seem to hold women in high regard so I don't imagine you'd share my sentiments.

Actually upon further consideration I can't imagine holding those views of women and being capable of meaningful interactions with them.

So why feel the need to minimise and diminish yourselves by describing yourself as " girls"?

I dont either and it’s nothing something I’ve ever thought about so clearly not missing anything

I really don’t think anyone is going to get confused referring to women as girls. Except you apparently.

My mother is in her late 70s and meets up with the girls. Also in their 70s

they are quite mature I assure you.

The ‘girls’ is just how they talk. It doesn’t have to be a big deal.

My " critical thinking" tells me that a person uses the word " girl" when she is actually referring to women either doesn't understand the English language very well and so doesn't know the correct meaning. Or that she knows the correct meaning but doesn't regard women as fully functioning adults.

If they are "amazing women" why are they not owning the fact they are a woman? Why do they have to diminish themselves by calling themselves " girls"?

Op my circle is small. Im 51. Sometimes big groups can get clicky/nasty. I wouldnt have girly weekends away but maybe they come with drama lol. But yes if you have good friends its nice people are super flaky now

They aren't diminishing themselves.

Well my mother used to refer to her old school friends as " girls". My sister and I thought this hilarious when the friends were in their 40s or older.
But my mother was born in 1919: a life time ago. Surely things have moved on since then? Surely women have aspirations to be equal in society and not be regarded as " girls" ?

You completely ignored where I said we say boys for the men too.

My DH doesn't feel like his penis has shrunk when I say it.

My " critical thinking" tells me that a person uses the word " girl" when she is actually referring to women either doesn't understand the English language very well and so doesn't know the correct meaning. Or that she knows the correct meaning but doesn't regard women as fully functioning adults.

Are those really the only possibilities your brain can come up with? Either they don't know English or they think women aren't fully functioning adults. Really? 🤯

Of course they are diminishing themselves: girls aren't legally adults. There are lots of things they can't do , or aren't supposed to do, legally until they are adults. They don't have life experience and knowledge of the world.
So obviously an adult wishing to identify as someone who is not an adult is diminishing their status and power.