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Original poster

Herpes Medication found in my husbands bag

740 replies

countrysidefields · 13/01/2025 16:10

I have just found empty packets of tablets from an online pharmacy box dated 17th dec 2024 for anciclovir in my husbands laptop bag.
All the empty packets and packing was also in the box, like it was hidden in there.
When I googled that medication it's used for genital herpes. He doesn't and never has had cold sores.
I am obviously thinking the worst seeing how it was hidden away. Please don't judge me, I wasn't actually looking on purposes, I happened to come across it.
Am I right to be assuming the worst?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
Dotto · 15/01/2025 17:27

penelopelondon · 15/01/2025 17:24

Genital herpes can show up in your skin many years after you got them so he may have got them from someone he slept with before marrying you and he's just too embarrassed to admit it to you.

(edited as I just read your update)

Edited

He already sez he gets cold sores innit. RTFT.

BlueSkyBeing · 15/01/2025 17:48

OP ignore the unhelpful comments, I'm not sure why the bother replying if that's all they want to say.

... I mean the comments that just say 'talk to him not us'.

GreenIsMyFavoriteColour · 15/01/2025 17:56

countrysidefields · 15/01/2025 08:42

Ok so update from last night, I asked him calmly what the medication was for, I had the packet in my hand so he knew exactly what I was talking about.

I said I don't want to have a massive row, j will stay calm but I want you to be truthful and explain why you have these tablets.

He said years ago, around 2009 he had cold sores. I can't remember to be completely honest, I think he may have done from what I can recall from that long ago.

He has taken these tablets since when he feels them coming on, said he also gets itchy skin on arms and legs.

I got him to show me his Superdrug account and it showed orders for that medication going back to 2015.

He said he did go to the doctors back in 2009, they confirmed herpes virus so he knew what medication to order.

He said he has never had any issues around genital herpes. It's always been cold sores and itchy skin.

I said I find it strange that I have never seen or heard you say anything about cold sores or itchy skin, he said he wouldn't say because he felt embarrassed and would have to tell me about the medication and having the virus.

We have been together over 22 years, I have never had any symptoms of anything relating to an STI, so would sort of think if he had something surely I would have caught it by now?

Truthfully I don't know what to believe, I am going to take the day process what I have been told.

I will get myself checked out at a clinic for all the tests I can have just to put my own mind at rest.

So yes he said he has told me the truth. I have no evidence to suggest anything else but I just don't know, maybe more thinking time is needed

Thank you again for all your kind comments and help xxx

Well, I wasn't expecting this. I totally believe him.

Even if he's lying I'm not sure throwing a hand grenade into a marriage 10 years after suspected cheating is a reasonable thing to do.

It never occurred to me before but even a non-sexual cold sore is pretty embarrassing, I used to get them amd I hated it.

If it was me I'd sleep easy.

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RockOrAHardplace · 15/01/2025 17:56

Good Luck OP, I hope you find peace of mind and that this blip actually helps to improve your marriage going forward.

Mylittlebobble · 15/01/2025 18:00

Sensible and measured approach taken by OP.

Katie1906 · 15/01/2025 18:14

So glad to read your update OP. I actually believe him. As a Coldsore sufferer, they aren't just limited to my lips, I get them on my nose, up my nose, eyebrow even ffs 🤦‍♀️ it really is a debilitating awful condition. If he has found his tells and triggers, good for him that he is so proactive. My biggest trigger is when I am stressed and run down, that's when I need the antiviral tablets rather than just zovirax. Is he OK? Is he experiencing a more stressful time right now? The lack of intimacy and preventative meds...I wouldn't say cheating. I'd say this guy is stressed about something. Maybe the lack of intimacy is stressing him, maybe he's having ED problems...there's a whole plethora of problems I'd consider before the cheating.

GreenIsMyFavoriteColour · 15/01/2025 18:31

I may be repeating myself, but the thing I missed along with most other posters is that a normal mouth cold sore actually can be quite embarrassing. I don't broadcast the fact that I used to get them. I'm pretty sure I've never told anyone.

Then, when reading this thread my eyes fell on a tube of Lamosil and reminded me. Yup, I get athletes foot, it's recurred a lot over 25 years. Now, I am deeply ashamed of it, it feels gross and I've never told anyone. I haven't even told my partner ever. I don't hide it, I even sometines apply the cream with partner in the room but I have never vocalised it and I suspect its never been spotted. I wouldn't be at all suprised if nobody knew and I won't be broadcasting it.

So the idea that the OP's partner would be shouting from the rooftops about cold sores is false. And without that there's really no reason to suspect anything.

He's 100% in the clear AFAIC.

TheignT · 15/01/2025 18:51

Paininthederriere · 15/01/2025 17:23

@TheignT you have my sympathies - that sounds really awful & relentless. When I had chicken pox as an adult I got them in my mouth & it was really painful so I can only imagine how uncomfortable it must be to get them up your nose & to have it chronically too must be a nightmare.

I totally agree with self medicating to manage chronic conditions or anticipate & control flare ups etc. My point was more that it would indicate the husband’s condition must be such that he requires this level of self management - which you would imagine would have come to the OP’s attention over the years.
Unless he is (as others have to) remains on antivirals to keep anything at bay & has always done a really good job of never experiencing any flare ups over the course of their marriage.

I still think though that never sharing such a troublesome infection & concealing it indicates a level of shame I find hard to associate with mouth cold sores. Added to the timing 2009 when it was less easy to self prescribe & pharmacies were less willing to prescribe higher doses compared to now. It makes me suspicious.

But as I’ve said further up the thread his infection (oral or genital or both) may have predated his relationship with his wife altogether. I still find the private management of it unusual.

I'm very private so it doesn't seem odd to me. Obviously my DH knows I have the virus as we were married long before I could get antivirals but I honestly don't think we've ever discussed it other than me saying I feel awful or it is painful and him sympathising. I don't remember ever discussing buying the antivirals but I might have, I doubt he would remember either way.

Hoover2025 · 15/01/2025 19:09

A friend of mine has genital herpes. When dating they take a daily suppressant (just googled and looks like it is this medication) to reduce risk of outbreak or passing to partner.

Paininthederriere · 15/01/2025 19:25

@TheignT so you did disclose your infection to your husband then even though you manage it privately?

Would you not find it odd if your DH hid a similar infection as yours from you & concealed the management of it from you?

GreenIsMyFavoriteColour · 15/01/2025 19:33

Paininthederriere · 15/01/2025 19:25

@TheignT so you did disclose your infection to your husband then even though you manage it privately?

Would you not find it odd if your DH hid a similar infection as yours from you & concealed the management of it from you?

I don't think partners typically share the details of their viral skin complaints at all. I don't ever recall any new partner ever saying "I've got a verruca and I used to get warts and the virus could errupt at any moment." I can see the logic that says we should all carry a laminated card with everything on it but nobody ever does.

FastGoldCat · 15/01/2025 19:37

Sorry but I don't believe him. I hope for you that he really is telling the truth. All the best x

Beeloux · 15/01/2025 19:37

Are you sure it’s just cold sores and not genital herpes? I used to get cold sores as a teen (when I was a virgin) and was never prescribed oral medication, just the ointment. I haven’t had any since.

Also I don’t get why he would be so secretive if it was purely coldsores? I would be utterly furious if a partner hid the fact he had genital herpes and would 100% split up over it. Mind you, I did hear of a doctor of all people who didn’t disclose his genital herpes to his partners so it wouldn’t surprise me that men do try and hide it.

BrainFog11 · 15/01/2025 19:46

Acyclovir is an antiviral and it’s prescribed for cold sores and shingles. Genital herpes is a green ointment.

TheignT · 15/01/2025 19:51

Paininthederriere · 15/01/2025 19:25

@TheignT so you did disclose your infection to your husband then even though you manage it privately?

Would you not find it odd if your DH hid a similar infection as yours from you & concealed the management of it from you?

I didn't need to disclose it as we have been together for 40 years and back then I didn't have antivirals so my coldsores disclosed themselves without any help from me.

Well he's disabled and I order his meds so I suppose I would know, in other circumstances I suppose it would depend but I don't think it is reasonable to say I conceal it, the meds arrive and he might take the parcel in if I'm out, he could ask but he doesn't just like I don't check up on what he's buying when the Amazon van arrives several times a week. I honestly don't think the ordering and taking of antivirals it a particularly exciting topic of conversation.

nervouslandlord · 15/01/2025 20:16

Beeloux · 15/01/2025 19:37

Are you sure it’s just cold sores and not genital herpes? I used to get cold sores as a teen (when I was a virgin) and was never prescribed oral medication, just the ointment. I haven’t had any since.

Also I don’t get why he would be so secretive if it was purely coldsores? I would be utterly furious if a partner hid the fact he had genital herpes and would 100% split up over it. Mind you, I did hear of a doctor of all people who didn’t disclose his genital herpes to his partners so it wouldn’t surprise me that men do try and hide it.

Edited

They are the same thing. If you have ever had cold sores you have the virus. By having oral sex or kissing you could pass it on.

There's so much mystery and misinformation surrounding herpes.

My husband gets cold sores. I've never (touch wood) had an outbreak but I suppose I could be infected. I think most of us are.

So in my mind there should be no shame. Just openness.

Beeloux · 15/01/2025 20:23

nervouslandlord · 15/01/2025 20:16

They are the same thing. If you have ever had cold sores you have the virus. By having oral sex or kissing you could pass it on.

There's so much mystery and misinformation surrounding herpes.

My husband gets cold sores. I've never (touch wood) had an outbreak but I suppose I could be infected. I think most of us are.

So in my mind there should be no shame. Just openness.

Show quote history

I thought hsv-1 was usually coldsores where as hsv-2 is normally genital herpes? I may be wrong!

Jl2014 · 15/01/2025 20:26

He is lucky to have you, OP. You sound very measured. I hope he doesn’t fuck it up.

nervouslandlord · 15/01/2025 20:34

@Beeloux Type 1 can cause both; Type 2 just genital

I think!

Paininthederriere · 15/01/2025 21:23

@TheignT I don’t think it’s an exciting topic of conversation either nor do I expect t couples spend their days discussing it. Just unusual to be kept hidden from one’s douse that’s all.

confusedlots · 15/01/2025 21:56

@countrysidefields have you ever seen him with a cold sore? I used to get them and they were very obvious, I used to feel very self conscious when I had one. I only ever used the cream you can buy for a couple of pounds in the pharmacy though, which is what most people do? I assume you have to be immunocompromised or something to need to have the tablets

Rosscameasdoody · 15/01/2025 22:08

Battyfumworts · 15/01/2025 12:36

@CitizenofMoronia No it is HPV they give the vaccines for as it is the leading cause of cervical cancer. There still doesn’t seem to be a lot of understanding of this, which goes to show that enough isn’t put in to education of something that could impact so many of the population

Show quote history

While HSV-1 is not known to cause cervical cancer it may increase the risk of cancer development by making other risk factors, like HPV, tobacco, and alcohol, more potent.

Some studies have found HSV-2 may be a risk factor for cervical cancer and precancerous cervical lesions, and both types may also make it easier for cancer to develop in HPV-infected cervical cells.

Battyfumworts · 15/01/2025 22:40

Rosscameasdoody · 15/01/2025 22:08

While HSV-1 is not known to cause cervical cancer it may increase the risk of cancer development by making other risk factors, like HPV, tobacco, and alcohol, more potent.

Some studies have found HSV-2 may be a risk factor for cervical cancer and precancerous cervical lesions, and both types may also make it easier for cancer to develop in HPV-infected cervical cells.

Show quote history

Unfortunately, I have had cervical cancer so am aware of this. I was just pointing out that the vaccine is for HPV not HSV.

NavyTurtle · 15/01/2025 22:41

If you have no symptoms they don't test for it. It may not flare up for years. They can only tell you if you have a flare up with obvious blisters. I have not had a flare up in a few years.

MissAtomicBomb1 · 15/01/2025 23:17

I'm confused, how can someone have hidden cold sores for the last 10 years from their partner?! Surely you'd notice them?