Herpes Medication found in my husbands bag

[countrysidefields]

I have just found empty packets of tablets from an online pharmacy box dated 17th dec 2024 for anciclovir in my husbands laptop bag.
All the empty packets and packing was also in the box, like it was hidden in there.
When I googled that medication it's used for genital herpes. He doesn't and never has had cold sores.
I am obviously thinking the worst seeing how it was hidden away. Please don't judge me, I wasn't actually looking on purposes, I happened to come across it.
Am I right to be assuming the worst?

I'm not sure what the point a test is. The swab test of a sore is reliable, but you need a sore for that, the blood tests are notoriously unreliable with false negatives and false positives. The only treatment is antivirals to suppress outbreaks but if you aren't having outbreaks you don't need antivirals.

The other thing is if you get a positive from a blood test you don't know where you have it, mouth or genitals are the most frequent places but people also get them on fingers, herpetic whitlows, or anywhere on the body, herpes gladiatorum.

once again, thank you for all your messages and replies to my updates from earlier today.

I do feel its not a totally believable explanation and there are areas of his story that do not quite make sense but saying that I knowing my husband I can see how he would do something stupid like this, as in keeping something that is possibly innocent from me just in case I don't believe it.

Many of the thoughts raised here are all fair and I am just going to have to work through this all now in my own head, I take on board all the posts where people have experienced this themselves or with their partners. I also understand that some people will think the worst, perhaps that's due to them sadly having gone through something similar that turned out not to be innocent.

We have been together a long time, grown up together from our early 20's and as most couples in long term relationships/marriages we have had our ups and downs, we have gone though a lot over time and have always been able to work things out and move on so I feel we can work though this given time.

Apart from this happening and the issue with our sex life we actually have a brilliant marriage, we pretty much spend all our time together as we WFH the majority of the working week, we have fun, we make each other laugh and we enjoy each others company and support each other. Yes sex is an issue but as said in my other update we had a good chat about that last night and will continue to talk about it to try and get it back on track in time. We can communicate so that's certainly a plus.

I need time to digest and process what has happened and his reasons why he did what he did so that I can decide how we move on from here.

I thank everyone of you for all your comments, this thread has been invaluable to me and has helped me think it all through from different angles.

I wont post anymore updates as I feel I have said all there is to say now x

thank you x

He is your husband, do not assume, ask.
It has been revealed to you for a reason, so that the hiding game can stop( maybe for your own protection). You found it, ask him. If he plays the blaming game; keep calm and focus on the truth. Repeat the question until he gives you a clear answer. You have the right to know, since you do sleep with him, your body & your health are exposed.

I think that if you've been with someone for 20 years who has cold sores to the severity that they need treating with courses of antivirals, you'd know they had cold sores and itchy skin.

Doesn't stack up to me OP, I think you've got a half truth there, which might be all you want and that's your perogative.

I'm sure it would be obvious, even from a close-up, where the sores are. And in any case, he says he only got this batch for a tingle, so will there have been no sores to show?

I'm still skeptical too. Did it actually show the symptoms he submitted on his Superdrug account and what they are actually for? (Cold sores?) maybe drop it for now, and let him think you think nothing of it, but have your wits about you with him. Hope it's nothing x

You've handled all of this so calmly and with dignity OP. I hope you manage to work through this in a way that gives you clarity and peace of mind.

Very well expressed, you have expressed my motivation for my ID.

Herpes medication does not mean he has cheated on you. It can lay dormant for years and can flare up at any given time. Don’t jump to the conclusion that he has cheated, collect as much info from online and talk to your husband don’t let this destroy you marriage before you know all the relevant info.
He may be keeping it from you because he thinks you would react badly to it.

I've been with my partner a similar amount of time, sounds like we have quite similar relationships in other ways, and I really can't imagine him hiding something so big from me for such a long time. Even if it was a recurring illness or condition with zero stigma attached to it and not affecting me in any possible way, I can't imagine him not saying. I just can't see it. It would immediately make me wonder what else I didn't know.

But you say

“I've had times when my mouth and one cheek were covered and scarred.“

and there are occasions you’re in “so much pain”.

So how might one hide that from their partner? And why would you? When I’m in pain I tell my husband.

Your situation doesn’t resemble what OPs husband has told her. She’s never seen a coldsore on him in 20+ years.

You have misunderstood me. My point is it’s odd that over a 22 year relationship he wouldn’t mention something as innocuous as having recurring cold sores and having some treatment for them. Therefore, I suspect there is more to it than that and he’s trying to hide something.

IgG antibody test to HSV 1 and 2 is very accurate so long as it is done long enough after infection. Usually 12 to 16 weeks after is sufficient.

If you are a dormant carrier these tests will show it too.

I agree it doesn’t show the site of infection.

I know someone who has herpes and he said he caught it as a teenager but it flares up now and again. Doesn't mean he's been unfaithful if they are for this but something one should share.

All you can do is ask him. Xx

From experience and what I've read the tests have a high enough false negative/false positive rate to be considered unreliable. They aren't 100 percent.

When I get them in my nose and mouth you can't tell I've got heroes/cold sores. I can say my nose hurts but feel people would immediately assume that is herpes. I've been taking anti virals for about the same time as OPs husband and I don't get obvious outbreaks now.

If only it was heroes not herpes.

I’m so pleased to read your updates, OP. What a difficult day you must have had yesterday. Given everything you’ve said, I believe him and I’m glad you do too. The subterfuge was an error which he has admitted.We all make mistakes. You’ve kept such a cool head and been analytical and rational. It sounds like this a jolt in your marriage which, given your sensitive and humane approach, will lead to a deeper understanding and appreciation of each other. I applauded your approach. Distrust is such a corrosive element in a relationship. I hope you are happy together going forward.

Re exposing partner to virus - you are only exposed when the viral load is shedding - which if there hasn't been an out break doesn't happen - if you take a maintenance dose of Ac then it avoids this happening and there is no exposure. Only taking the drug when you get the tingling is a bit late really as the virus is active at that point. It is perfectly possible for the virus to be within the body and not active and not able to be spread

@TheignT you have my sympathies - that sounds really awful & relentless. When I had chicken pox as an adult I got them in my mouth & it was really painful so I can only imagine how uncomfortable it must be to get them up your nose & to have it chronically too must be a nightmare.

I totally agree with self medicating to manage chronic conditions or anticipate & control flare ups etc. My point was more that it would indicate the husband’s condition must be such that he requires this level of self management - which you would imagine would have come to the OP’s attention over the years.
Unless he is (as others have to) remains on antivirals to keep anything at bay & has always done a really good job of never experiencing any flare ups over the course of their marriage.

I still think though that never sharing such a troublesome infection & concealing it indicates a level of shame I find hard to associate with mouth cold sores. Added to the timing 2009 when it was less easy to self prescribe & pharmacies were less willing to prescribe higher doses compared to now. It makes me suspicious.

But as I’ve said further up the thread his infection (oral or genital or both) may have predated his relationship with his wife altogether. I still find the private management of it unusual.

Genital herpes can show up in your skin many years after you got them so he may have got them from someone he slept with before marrying you and he's just too embarrassed to admit it to you.

(edited as I just read your update)

My OH comes from a family where what other people think matters more than how you feel. He was brought up to keep things to himself and it took a lot of understanding from both of us for him to change and for me to accept it.

For instance, one of our children has a learning disability and the first thing his mother said when we told her was, 'Don't tell anyone in the family'. She was embarrassed and wanted to pretend it wasn't happening.

Of course, that isn't what we did, but it has been a theme in their family - lots of family secrets. Some are understandable and some definitely aren't.

I don't particularly like my MIL but her behaviour doesn't mean she doesn't love our child - she is just extremely insecure and misguided.

Quote fail