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Original poster

Herpes Medication found in my husbands bag

740 replies

countrysidefields · 13/01/2025 16:10

I have just found empty packets of tablets from an online pharmacy box dated 17th dec 2024 for anciclovir in my husbands laptop bag.
All the empty packets and packing was also in the box, like it was hidden in there.
When I googled that medication it's used for genital herpes. He doesn't and never has had cold sores.
I am obviously thinking the worst seeing how it was hidden away. Please don't judge me, I wasn't actually looking on purposes, I happened to come across it.
Am I right to be assuming the worst?

OP posts:
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trendingdiscuss · 15/01/2025 08:45

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PreferMyAnimals · 15/01/2025 08:45

I do think he should have told you he carries the virus, even if it's just cold sores and he's 100% truthful. Have there ever been times he hasn't kissed you for a while to avoid passing it on? I really think I have the right to know if my partner has something like that, for my own health.I'd be very upset it was hidden.

PeachyPeachTrees · 15/01/2025 08:48

It's a good sign that he can show you he's had it since 2015 and I would not be thinking he's currently being unfaithful. My main worry is that he has withheld important information.

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Bertgotkinky · 15/01/2025 08:49

I have Herpes simplex 2 genital and I also get cold sores. I really would believe what he is telling you his story is completely feasible. I don’t get the itchy skin but certainly get the tingly feelings on my lips and on my penis when I have a flare up. There’s is such a stigma attached to this virus I can genuinely understand his reluctance to talk about this. I sincerely hope you can put this behind you and move on together.

NZDreaming · 15/01/2025 08:49

@countrysidefields his explanation is ok but not telling your partner that you have a recurring health issue and buying prescriptions online makes it feel more suspicious. The lack of transparency is what gives reason to doubt and that’s not fair to you. I understand people make daft choices when they’re embarrassed and find it harder to come clean the longer time goes on but it doesn’t do anything other than give grounds for suspicion and distrust.

You know your husband best, it comes down to whether you believe him or not. Ultimately though his deception has left a permanent seed of doubt in your mind that will possibly always be there.

TheMerryCritic · 15/01/2025 08:51

TheMerryCritic · 15/01/2025 08:28

@countrysidefields I would be very worried too. He’s kept it a secret. Shingles is very painful and very obvious and there would no reason to keep it under wraps. Cold sores are very visible, and again no reason to be secretive about them, you’d know if he had them to the degree he needed a prescription for them. Subterfuge is a factor here. I would view this as…perhaps we’re not having sex as he is hiding genital herpes (and doesn’t want you to catch them). Though which came first? The abstinence or the STD? If you looking in his laptop bag did not come about due to you searching for something you believe he may have hidden, then he cannot deflect attention to you by saying you shouldn’t be looking in there. Clearly though, he thought you wouldn’t. I’m sorry this has put you in such a delicate position. You need to talk to him. Good luck 💕

Ah…just read your post of this morning @countrysidefields. Well done for bringing it up, that is so brave 💕 I hope you have gained clarity and can come to some accord with your long term partner

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 15/01/2025 08:52

Hwi · 15/01/2025 07:03

I keep returning to this threat to read new comments and always think - gosh, we know nothing about our partners (me included). Really know nothing. This thread made me go and do a STI test. You never know.

No one fully knows another person.

I'm always amazed by people who claim they do or the usual:
We tell each other everything,
We have no secrets,
We share an email address,
Have trackers
Have no passwords etc.

Even with kids, people seem to believe they know everything when the human mind is so complex & we have no clue.

We don't even know ourselves sometimes.

Mix56 · 15/01/2025 08:54

Im sorry to be skeptical.
But he's been taking these meds for years & never ever mentioned it & hid the packaging etc....
Baloney

bigkidatheart · 15/01/2025 08:54

I completely get this, I take for cold sores, i feel them coming, completely debilitating pain in head and face.

Although, if he is paying for Superdrug he is going to be paying above the odds, ask him to ask his GP to put it on repeat prescription and then he can just order as and when he needs to for 1/4 of the price

BlondeMamaToBe · 15/01/2025 08:55

It sounds like he’s been open and truthful to me.

Redcandlescandal · 15/01/2025 08:58

He should have told you.

Lowkey28 · 15/01/2025 08:58

Don’t listen to the skeptics on here, men are funny ones sometimes who get all embarrassed about all sorts

all in fine x

MrsPositivity1 · 15/01/2025 09:00

It does sound as if he is being truthful @countrysidefields. You know him best.

NeedSomeHeadspace · 15/01/2025 09:01

Make sure you are satisfied with this outcome @countrysidefields. It’s peculiar that you’ve never known about this. It’s a fairly innocuous thing to say “I feel a cold sore coming on” because then you wouldn’t be kissing I guess!

I’m not saying you should doubt him, but I’m going through a divorce after 20 years of marriage and if I didn’t have tangible evidence of my husband’s misdemeanours, he’d be the most convincing liar I’ve known. He looks at me straight in the eye with his lies and denials and if I didn’t know better, I’d believe him. That has scared me and caused me the most pain, realising he’s a pathological liar.

AlteredStater · 15/01/2025 09:01

We have been together over 22 years, I have never had any symptoms of anything relating to an STI, so would sort of think if he had something surely I would have caught it by now?

The cold sore-causing herpes virus isn't an STI though. Sounds like your DH has it well under control and acts quickly to make sure it doesn't develop into actual sores, which is great. As it's incurable he'll always have it, I can understand why he didn't tell you earlier on, but after 22 years of marriage you'd think he would finally mention it.

It's also a positive that he didn't immediately counter with accusing you of going through his things.

WeCanOnlyDoOurBest · 15/01/2025 09:04

Thank you for your update. I hope everything works out for you, it does sound genuine given that his account with SD goes back to 2015. Maybe now the ice is broken you can both have a more in depth conversation about your relationship and why sex isn’t on the menu, see how you can get things back on track.

Goldwhisper · 15/01/2025 09:05

NCforsensitivity · 14/01/2025 13:15

Hi OP - as a sufferer who take aciclovir, I just wanted to add a couple of things to the thread.

From the WHO site: "An estimated 3.8 billion people under age 50 (64%) globally have herpes simplex virus type 1 (HSV-1) infection, the main cause of oral herpes. An estimated 520 million people aged 15–49 (13%) worldwide have herpes simplex virus type 2 (HSV-2) infection, the main cause of genital herpes."

Both strains of the virus can cause coldsores and/or genital sores, it is just that 1 is more likely to recur on the mouth, and 2 is more likely to recur on the genitals.

The younger a person is when they contract the virus (excepting newborns and babies for whom it can be very dangerous) the more antibodies they will build up, therefore reducing the likelihood of recurring outbreaks. This is why some kids who had coldsores rarely/never get them as adults.

I also read that only 25% of people who contract the virus show symptoms (can't remember where, NHS Choices is a good source of info). The most definitive test is a blood test for antibodies, but this cannot tell you where/when/from whom you contracted the virus.

Between outbreaks (if one has them) herpes lays dormant in the spinal column, in the nerve that it originally infected. This is why it is recurrent in the same spots for sufferers with ourbreaks.

Aciclovir can be taken to manage active outbreaks, or as a supression therapy (although I think this is usually in the early days after diagnosis and limited to 6 months).

He might also have used an online pharmacy for this specific medication because it is downright embarrassing to go to a doctor or to stand in a pharmacy and effectively tell a stranger "I have genital herpes".

You are clearly thinking this through before talking to your DH, but FWIW, a herpes outbreak alone does not indicate that your DH has been unfaithful.

However, I would have questions about how long he's had it, how long he's known, and if he knows where/how he got it. There is nothing wrong with carrying a virus, but there is absolutely something wrong with not informing your intimate partner about a diagnosis that could impact their sexual health.

Just wondering when you say suppression therapy for 6 months, would the aim of this be to suppress for life or just that period? I’ve tried searching online but can’t find much info. I think my 13 m/o has recently been infected so would be very interested in preventative measures.

Snapandfart24 · 15/01/2025 09:07

Likely true, OP. However, he should be willing to set your mind at rest in a none embarrassing or invasive way such as requesting a detailed history on his NHS app so he can say, "Yep here it is, it says I had a painful lip/hives whatever it is, and the doc gave me this." Job done.
I don't think it's too much to ask after nearly 3 decades. Simply because he didn't mention it, like, ever. Something that small can set a rot in.
Glad you talked calmly and he was calm and honest too. I hope you feel reassured now. If not, you can absolutely ask for that reassurance.

Whyherewego · 15/01/2025 09:08

Like I said OP, this is similar to what happened to me in that ultimately we had to believe each other. Because he could have had suspicions about my rash, only I knew 100pc that I hadn't had any intimate relations with anyone else.
It's a tricky time for both of you. I think though he was a bit selfish never to tell you about the virus, cold sores are contagious.

Original poster
countrysidefields · 15/01/2025 09:10

I forgot to say he did appear very sorry that he had kept it a secret all this time. I asked why he had never told me, he said was embarrassed and that he thought I would assume the worst, which I do understand.

We did follow on with a very honest talk about our sex life or should I say severe lack of it. We are both to blame for this, it was good to have a talk and discuss why we feel we don't have it much anymore and why we seem not to try. We will talk more about it and try to improve things when I feel I have this whole situation sorted first.

He was very worried this morning although he said he is glad it's all out on the open now and there are no secrets about ordering medication.

I have asked him to be honest with me when he does have an outbreak so we have no more secrets.

Xx

OP posts:
Alleycat50 · 15/01/2025 09:15

So many people have cold sores even the ones that deny ever having them probably are carriers of HSV 1 virus.

I would ask for you both to have private blood test for HSV 1 and HSV 2. You will then know if he is telling the truth about genital herpes at least. Very few people need oral medication for oral herpes you can literally buy Zovirax cream from anywhere. Oral tablets are usually treated for genital herpes only.

Use to work in sexual health so I have seen it many many times.

Whether or not he should have told you as a husband yes he should.

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 15/01/2025 09:16

All the best OP, if anything, it's great you've finally talked about the lack of intimacy.

From what you've written, it sounds plausible.

JessicaRabbit6 · 15/01/2025 09:23

countrysidefields · 15/01/2025 08:42

Ok so update from last night, I asked him calmly what the medication was for, I had the packet in my hand so he knew exactly what I was talking about.

I said I don't want to have a massive row, j will stay calm but I want you to be truthful and explain why you have these tablets.

He said years ago, around 2009 he had cold sores. I can't remember to be completely honest, I think he may have done from what I can recall from that long ago.

He has taken these tablets since when he feels them coming on, said he also gets itchy skin on arms and legs.

I got him to show me his Superdrug account and it showed orders for that medication going back to 2015.

He said he did go to the doctors back in 2009, they confirmed herpes virus so he knew what medication to order.

He said he has never had any issues around genital herpes. It's always been cold sores and itchy skin.

I said I find it strange that I have never seen or heard you say anything about cold sores or itchy skin, he said he wouldn't say because he felt embarrassed and would have to tell me about the medication and having the virus.

We have been together over 22 years, I have never had any symptoms of anything relating to an STI, so would sort of think if he had something surely I would have caught it by now?

Truthfully I don't know what to believe, I am going to take the day process what I have been told.

I will get myself checked out at a clinic for all the tests I can have just to put my own mind at rest.

So yes he said he has told me the truth. I have no evidence to suggest anything else but I just don't know, maybe more thinking time is needed

Thank you again for all your kind comments and help xxx

I think this is reasonable to be honest he showed you the Superdrug account, which is dated. You prob couldn’t get drugs online before 2015. Sounds plausible. Deffo get checked to be sure. Remember we are all here for you ❤️

Itsseweasy · 15/01/2025 09:25

I’ve suffered cold sores my whole life since contracting the virus from another child at the childminders an early age, so I unfortunately have a lot of firsthand experience with them.
I find it extremely unlikely that you have not seen him have at least one since 2009!
Once you feel the tingle of one coming - in my experience - it’s pretty much impossible to stop it from popping up.
The medication certainly helps it to clear up quicker, but not even once have I managed to prevent it from showing itself at all!
Sounds like a pack of lies to me, particularly as there is no sex life to speak of and he has plenty of opportunity to cheat staying away 1 night every month, but very much hope I’m wrong. Good luck!

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