Suddenly single - would you date again in your 50s

[colinthedogfromaccounts]

I have been idly musing. If DH were to leave me there is no way of knowing for sure, but I highly doubt I would want another partner.

I cannot imagine starting over - all the uncertainty and compromise. For me it wouldn't be worth it. Also, I am not a person who relishes company 24/7.

Wondering if this is more the norm these days?

I think that a lot of women in their 40s and 50s leave bad marriages. That means that the sorted men in their 50s are still married and the single men in their 50s are the ones who need work.

Not in a million fucking years would I want another man if my DH left - or died. I would rather shit in my hands and clap, swallow ground glass, and stick hot pins in my eyeballs.

Been with DH over 35 years.

I can't think of anything worse than letting a new man into my life, my home, my bed. No WAY. I would never share a bed, and I wouldn't want sex either. Nah CBA! I couldn't be faffed with the family/children/ex wife or wives of a new partner either, or his mother, or his mates... And I could never live with a man again...

Nope, I will stay single!

I do love my DH and although he is a bit lazy and set in his ways, and a bit moany some days, I do have a good life with him, and we have fun. So I don't wish him away, but no WAY will I ever have another man in my life. Noooooooooooo. 😆

Trouble is, being an old gimmer of nearly 60 myself, all I am likely to get is a man of around my own age, and like fuck would I want to be landed with a moany, lazy man aged 55+ for the rest of my life if my DH dies/leaves. Nah fuck that! 😂

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@LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway
Don’t beat about the bush there will you🤣🤣

49 now, left my XH 8.5 years ago and basically single ever since. Dabbled in OLD and went in a handful of dates but was never really fussed enough to pursue looking for another man to any great extent.

I love my space and having the freedom to chose from what I eat to how I decorate to where I go on holiday.

I'm currently in what I suppose you would call a situationship...which I enjoy and in the unlikely event it took a more serious turn I'd give it a go.

Otherwise, I don't know. I'm not sure how I feel about marriage or living with someone again but I guess having a taste of having someone in my life, even though it's very low key, has made me wonder if I want to be single indefinitely.

A PP made reference to a lot of men in their late 40's and 50's being divorced. I gave that some thought this evening, with me nearly 54 and my ex 50.

On the surface, my ex seems like a reasonable catch - he was handsome, funny and charming. But get 6 months in and you'll see a whiner, paranoid and jealous, tight with his money and always wants/expects you to do his activities and will only do yours if he is interested too.

I've extrapolated that more generally to the wider pool, and whilst I accept that some people aren't compatible and so divorce, it's usually women who instigate divorce...taking that and my example into account, it makes me feel that I can't be bothered to waste some of my life on someone who eventually transpires to be like my ex...and they're usually divorced for good reason.

I think women in the main work on themselves and reflect. I think an awful lot of men don't - my ex definitely thought it was just because he 'hadn't met the right person yet'. For as long as he behaves as he does, he never will and I am fearful of the number of men out there who don't reflect, self-improve and repeat the mistakes. So, I won't chance it.

I get rewarding relationships with friends, colleagues, neighbours and I go to meetup events for dinners and holidays. My needs are met that way.

Exactly how I feel, on reflection.

I think I’d house share with a friend if I felt lonely after tg le DC have left instead. Couldn’t stand being beholden to another person, having to explain myself, pickup after their lazy arse, be the social coordinator and organiser. I’ve probably just never met the right man but wouldn’t want to risk another.

I love this post!!

In my early 60s and I would not be arsed!!

Been with 'D'H for 40 years, married for 35!

No I'm not in this age bracket but I'm 37 and dh is nearly 41 and no way would I ever want someone else we've been together 8 years

good luck! Let us know how it goes 🤞🏼

I have a friend who internet dated for 10 years until she met her current partner of 3 years with whom she's very happy.

Another friend who is 61 has been internet dating for 4 years.

They both met sooooo many idiots who lie about themselves, waste their time and often end up just disappearing.

I'm very lucky to be happily married and would say No, if my marriage broke down I wouldn't want to date.

But....it's easy to say that from where I am now.
I think ultimately, most people want to share their lives with a partner.

Anyone who chooses to stay single will of course "sometimes" feel lonely, even if only fleeting moments. It's rare not to. But for me I balance that up against the pros and cons of a relationship and I feel there's just too many cons.

I have become too selfish. I do not want to compromise in any way whatsoever. I did it for decades and I want to be selfish now. That is not conducive to a good relationship! I'd want someone around only when I want them. That's not going to work either. I don't miss sex, not because I don't like/want it but because most men I've dated haven't actually been all that great in that department! Or they want me to do things I'm not comfortable doing, and that's getting worse now with how porn addled they all are. I think older men can be worse than younger ones in that regard.

I think most people would miss affection the most. And for many, a pet can fulfil that need quite well. I'm an introvert so I get enough company from family/friends. Quite happy to be alone at other times.

The divorced friends I have who are dating again in their 50s and in some cases married, mostly complain about the complications with children. Even adult children, who these days live at home longer and need more support. And disputes over money. Dealing with other people's children is my worst nightmare. And most people would feel the same way about mine.

But also, no man in the world would accept me moving my mum into my house except DH! So I am hardly a catch.

No.
They're as bad at 50-60 as they are at 30.

💖

Hope today goes well

You are the age I was when my first dh died

Hopefully yours won't die till you are both old

But suddenly being a widow and alone at 37 as I was and no kids

Once you learn to cope with the grief and want to carry on with your life , rather than move on as some call it

You may feel different

I've known many widows 30/40 say never when their dh die but most after a year /few years even 10 have met someone and been very happy again

37 and single is a long time to be alone and not loved if die at 85/90

50yrs ......

I think it's easier to say no never when happy and married

It's very diff when suddenly with no warning your world collapses

Since I was unceremoniously dumped last year, I have to admit one of the things I am missing the most is physical touch. I don’t have parents, kids, siblings etc so I am really missing curling up in bed, or in front of the fire next to someone or getting a hug when you arrive home from work. I get hugs occasionally from friends but it can be months and months before I have any physical contact and it’s awful. I’ve been single for long periods of time and been fine with it (I think 12 years was my longest) but a lack of physical contact is something I really struggle with. I go for a massage every two months but it isn’t quite the same.

I could have written this myself!
You are absolutely right about the poor calibre of older men out there.
There are the ones you wouldn't touch with a barge pole then the ones that on meeting and after a few dates, you think are half decent only to find out they are still in love with their ex which manifests itself as bitterness and them wanting to talk about them to get your opinion (ffs I'm not remotely interested!!) those who make out they're solvent but turns out have no money and want you to pay for them to visit fancy restaurants/holidays etc, and those who think they are God's in the bedroom as a result of watching too many porn movies 😂
I mean why should attractive, got it together, solvent women have to deal with all this sh*t just to meet a companion to spend quality time with?
For me, I maybe "too picky" but I just don't care anymore as I don't intend to put up with sub-standard pathetic excuses for men of my age group and if that means being alone for my days, so be it, I'm not lowering my standards.

It would be unlikely anything would happen at this age but I still wouldn't want someone else regardless couldn't imagine loving some other man after him.

In my early 60s and I absolutely would not be arsed!

@ZippyCat Eh? Why at 37 would anything be unlikely to happen? you're young? And people meet in their old age still so why is 37 a barrier?

@ZippyCat

When dh died and I met my 2nd dh I compared it to kids - which I didn't have

And tried to explain it to people

You love your first born with a passion

They are your everything

Then no 2 comes.

You don't love no 1 less or no 2 more

You just love them

Meeting someone after your partner dies is the same

I now have mini blondes - she is my world

Took 10yrs ttc to have her and 5 private ivf so I was old when she finally appeared as Mother Nature wasn't playing ball

So almost 44. So she is my only one

But

If I was lucky enough to have a 2nd child they would be loved as much as the first

It honestly is the same for partners

I never expected to be a widow at 37 - neither did all the people in the groups way (widowed and young)

It's easy to say I never would - when with someone you love

I count myself lucky. I had the love of not one but two men. That's rare as some people don't even find one

37 is young! I’m in my 40s and I have a widowed friend in her late 60s, who has 2 lovers, one in their 50s and the other about 5 years younger than her.

She says she would never live with anyone again but they keep her fit and focused on life.

Great post @Blondeshavemorefun

@StarlightLady Exactly! That poster makes out like 37 is the end or something. For some it have even begun yet.