Suddenly single - would you date again in your 50s

[colinthedogfromaccounts]

I have been idly musing. If DH were to leave me there is no way of knowing for sure, but I highly doubt I would want another partner.

I cannot imagine starting over - all the uncertainty and compromise. For me it wouldn't be worth it. Also, I am not a person who relishes company 24/7.

Wondering if this is more the norm these days?

A thousand times no!

Been divorced for almost 8 years and concentrated on bringing up three kids... and now they are all mid-late teens and I am 52 I have even less interest... I always was on the unsociable side and really enjoy my own space and company.

I'm honestly unsure about this. On the one hand, I think I couldn't bothered. Plus DH is so firmly 'the one' for me, that if something tragic happened to him, it would take me a good number of years to get over that. Think I would find online dating hugely stressful. Have a career I love, and plenty of friends and interests to keep me busy, and not sure I'd feel a desperate need for another romantic relationship.

On the other hand, although I love a certain amount of time to myself and am happy in my own company, I do not love living alone. I've done it before and didn't love it, and I don't love it when DH and the kids are away for longer than a couple of nights.

So I really don't know.

I have very similar feelings.

I am in 50s, separated from my husband just over a year ago. Was very happily building a life for myself as a single women , but I have had a couple of dates with a nice man who I just didn't fancy and then wham I met a wonderful man at a party who lives an hour away. We have been seeing each other for 6 months, due to kids, work etc I can't see us living together anytime soon but have a boyfriend for dates, weekends away etc is amazing. So never say never. ( top tip for meeting men is do a male dominated sport)

I think I'm just too suspicious to have another relationship in the next few years. If I met a man who was divorced I don't know that I could believe he was a good person. I know it's my issue based on my experiences, but I think I'd be hyper alert looking for faults and that would be miserable for me and for the hypothetical man.
I know it's something I could have counselling for but right now it doesn't seem like a priority.

@TalkedTooMuchStayedTooLong don’t you ever feel lonely? Or does that not really affect you?
I miss adult company and the physical affection that comes from being part of a couple.

Yep, I thought that way too until it happened. No interest in it, I chose reading and sewing over OLD. 2 years after my exh left, a friend persuaded me to go on a date with an old friend of hers. That was nearly 4 years ago and I’m very glad she suggested it as we are happy and hoping to move in together this year.

I've a few male friends that I think I'd enjoy spending time with them but not sure about a new relationship but I'd never say never. Husband and I have a good friend who lost his wife 18 months ago and while he has adult children, good friends and an active hobby he is lonely and I would like to see him meet a nice person and to not spend the remaining decades feeling alone but I understand he's not thinking like that at the moment. I've told dh if I go before him he has one year and one day to grieve and after that if he's not moving on I'll haunt him (he disagrees, says he could never be with anyone else, I think I know better).

No, not at all. No live in arrangements or getting married.

No, not really!

I sometimes miss having another adult to share the parenting decisions, but obviously that is lessor know the kids are older... but in reality, I was practically a single parent even before the divorce due to ex working away...

I have friends and family I can spend time with if I do feel social and that's enough for me... nine times out of ten I'm secretly hoping somebody will cancel whenever something is arranged though!

(I suspect I'm actually autistic... all three of the DC are so it seems likely...)

I would but it seems that it's not up to me, as no one has even looked my way for years

I'm 56 and my DH died 2 years ago. I can't imagine being with anyone else, and don't want to be with anyone else. I couldn't be annoyed with all the faff and fuss of will he won't he call and so on. I have my dog and that's enough!

If my for me perfect H disappeared in a puff of smoke after much time of grief I might date again.

But it would just be dating.

I wouldn't put myself in a position to become an older man's house appliance or nurse. (Happy to if needed nurse H to his dying breath but no one else).

So days/evenings out, holidays, staying in from time to time, sure, perhaps, if they were worth the effort.

Living together, nursing when ill, admin, housework, expectation to put up with behaviour including road rage and sulking, absolutely fucking no way, not even a moment.

So it's very unlikely.

Oh God, no I would not. I used to think that I would, in a Carrie from 'just like that' kind of way - but honestly, what's out there in my 50's is just not worth it, in my neck of the woods. I live in the NW, huge fantastic metropolis city nearby - but the men my age just don't seem to be in the same position is life as I am, and the ones that are, are gym sharks.

There seems to be

• bitterness
• skint
• misogynist views that only drip out over time
• no home of their own
• horrible kids

etc

I really resent that I'm expected to look like some sort of yoga instructor whilst they're carrying a really big paunch, using Lynx etc. Being strong and independent is also all very well when you meet, but there's a seeming urge to control you shortly after.

I know that I'm making myself sound like I'm very picky and superficial, but women in their 50's these days - a lot of their lives sorted. Good job, kids grown up, look after themselves, have nice clothes and friends - the single men can't seem to get their act together.

Personally, I would LOVE to set up a women only collective where a big place is bought between us. Collective

Personally, I would LOVE to set up a women only collective where a big place is bought between us. Collective

Perfect!

This, but it shouldn't be a tall order, should it. I mean, if us women have this sorted, why haven't they?

I've been watching later daters on Netflix, and that's been an interesting watch.

Carrie from AJLT is pathetic, as are all the other women, IMHO.
Waiting 5 years for Aidan to get shot of his bratty kids!
Giving up a UN internship to chase Che and simper over her!
Be a Stepford wife for some 16 years and wait on Harry hand and foot!
I hope S 3 is better.😀

Yep, I get where you're coming from! It's still a form of 'get a partner to be happy and you won't be happy without one'. That's just not for me - the collective above is something I would LOVE to do.

I’ll go and check that out of curiosity. Everyone I know who has tried OLD later in life has struggled with it. I feel like people can lose their innocence and open mindedness to learn different things later in life. I feel having that time alone to work on who you are is very valuable.

100% no. Never. If Dh dies, I will never date again. Ever. Couldn't stand the faff.

Nope definitely not. I adore my husband but most men are way too much hard work. I would stay single and have casual sex when in the mood.

Dh died 4 years ago when I was 44. He was lovely and I was very happy with him but apart from the odd kiss I’ve not had a sniff.

i must admit if the right man came along I would but. I’m 47, nearly 48 now, really showing my age so I’ve no chance!

I also don’t think I have the time, my life revolves around the teens, work, sorting my house and really and truthfully just can’t be arsed.

However I am lonely and I miss the companionship. Not that bothered about the sex.

Early 50s. I separated from my husband 5 years ago (which I now realise was abusive). Got involved in a very toxic possibly abusive relationship for 4.5 years. I'm only just starting to find myself again.

I'll date, I'd like a serious, committed relationship, but I don't ever want to live with anyone again or share finances, or blend families.

A living apart together relationship seems ideal to me.

Widowed 8 years, had no interest and no hope of meeting anyone again. Now I'm 42 and decided to try tinder, going on my first date tomorrow. He seems really nice but he know it's impossible to tell until you meet. Here goes!

It's that someone to go for dinner with or holiday with