I need to be honest with my friend and admit that her 50th birthday outing will be too much for me, but feel bad saying it!

[Winterysun]

I'm only two years older than her, am sociable, enjoy going out and I work - BUT I also need 'recharge' time, as I'm more introverted than her.

The planned day is Disneyland Paris, which will mean getting on a coach at 6 am, arriving mid-morning and not getting home until midnight/1 am. I've done Disneyland Paris before when my children were young, and loved it but we stayed for long weekends, rather than rushing around in a day!

I've done similar things before, but feel wiped out by the afternoon after such an early start, and with a lively group I won't have that 'chill time' to get my energy back for the evening (meal & probably a lot to drink)!

I'd love to still celebrate with her, ie, theatre, lunch & sightseeing, local restaurant etc but don't want to disappoint her! Would any of you admit you don't fancy it, or go anyway and possibly struggle to keep up?

I even excused myself from my own brother’s engagement party and was home by 8.30pm because i just couldn't deal with anymore people or small talk that day. They were fine as they know I don't do evenings. There’s nothing wrong with me, I enjoy a laugh and I make friends easily but I just can’t be ‘on’ for very long anymore. I don’t need to see a doctor!

You have made great alternative suggestions. You are not dismissing her birthday at all.

If she is such a good friend, she should know that the planned day could be I overwhelming for you.

Friendship goes both ways. You have been accused of being a bad friend to her, but I don't think she's a great friend if she isn't okay with your alternative proposal.

Your friend at the book club sounds like she may have anxiety or else gets very nervous in social situations…..nervous chatter

It's only one day! You'll manage and as you said their fun! And I'm sure you could find somewhere quiet for a little time out during the day.

It really boils down to whether you want to go or not. If you don't prepare for your friend to be disappointed.

@Winterysun " She's nudging me, showing me memes on her phone, or texting people, whispering when others are talking. I just like to switch off from my day and absorb it all, but she CAN'T just sit!"

This exactly describes one of my friends. She does this in the cinema, when we were at an event where the sole purpose was to listen to various speakers and at an event I took her too with some friends of mine (but not her friends). It was a team night and she sat whispering to me all night, nudging me, showing me texts on her phone. It was embarrassing.

I couldn't have done that at 20 never mind 50.
As the saying goes it's an invitation not a summons. I'd say no, sorry I really can't come. You don't have to give a reason and you'll be so glad you said no and won't have to dread it for the next 3 months

Thebigzebrahoof - Oh you've got one too! 😀
Being the personality type I am, I get very irritated with this behaviour. I LIKE to sit and listen. The other week we had a guest speaker who was really interesting. Suddenly I was aware of my friend's phone thrust in front of me, showing me a photo of her daughter & friends at a school event. I've met her 6 year old daughter a few times, but really don't need to see photos of her when I'm engaged in what we're there to listen to!

Very rude behaviour, to the person speaking as well as me trying to listen!

I'm the same way. I used to force myself to do things I was too tired to do, it would make me feel ill the next day. Now I know my limits and decline if it's too much for me.

I go to disneyland Paris every year and there is no way I would spend the money it costs to go for 1 day. What a waste of time. I'm 37, relatively fit. You would barely see anything in 1 day! I'm with you on the @Winterysun

I’d have exactly the same reaction, but it’s one day. You’ll enjoy it if you go with it. The ride home will be quiet. You can spend the folllowing day in bed.

I feel the same op but I would do this because it’s over in one day. I’d take the following day off to recover, drink a lot of coffee and have a quick sit down whenever feasible.

Thankfully many of us do things we don't really want to, for the sake of others. It's not always about you.

I would absolutely loathe this but if it was a good friend and I wanted her to be happy, I'd suck it up.

Thankfully many of us do things we don't really want to, for the sake of others. It's not always about you.

And this is the problem, women are socialised to put everyone else before themselves and somehow see it as a virtue. It is not a virtue at all, its a sign of a weak, socialised and brainwashed person. Its a sign of weakness. If it affects your health and exhausts you, its not a virtue to make a martyr of yourself. Sometimes it important to have the assertiveness to say NO and put yourself first. That, is a virtue.

That's my thoughts the cost and time vs the amount of pleasure and escapism in the park just isn't worth it.

I'd much rather make a proper weekend out of it. And can't really understand why Op hasn't suggested that rather than an out and out no!

Arrested development? Isn’t all there?

Well aren’t you a peach.

That sounds utterly horrendous to me, I would rather be ill at home than have that 'fun' day out. I think it's reasonable to say it's too much for you.

How else do you describe a 50 year old adult choosing to have their Birthday at Disneyland?

Come on, be real.

We're the same age and I'd happily have some Disney magic, just not as a crazy day trip.
We aren't all old farts at 49!

I suspect the Birthday girl just doesn't want to ask for a full weekend from her friends hence the day trip idea.

If I really wanted to be there for my friend and could afford it, I'd fly out the day before. Book myself in a nice hotel and then meet them at Disney for the day and meal. Second night in hotel, fly back the next day. I'm mid-30s and could absolutely not cope with the extreme day trip! I've just booked a trip to DLP with my children in February, we're doing 4 nights with 2 days at Disney and that's giving me enough anxiety!

ah. Now I get it.
how’s the weather under your bridge this morning? 😂😂

A few others on this thread have made the same comment as me. Its not 'trolling' to point out its not normal for a 50 year old adult to spend their Birthday at Disneyland.

I’m sure your friend won’t mind if you tell her you won’t be going. If she’s a real friend she won’t mind. A day trip to Disneyland Paris, then a boozy dinner? What is she thinking? You can bet that most people on that day trip will be shattered. It sounds my idea of hell anyway.

Being honest, I’m not a troll and I can’t understand why adults would visit Disney without kids. To me, it would be like watching CBeebies in the evening. But I also understand that people like different things so it’s horses for courses.

What I do not understand is how many people are advocating flying out there, hotel stays etc to make the trip easier. Why should OP spend £500+ and give up precious AL to do something she has no interest in, for the sake of being a ‘good’ friend? Having a 50th in a foreign country is somewhat indulgent (like a hen party) and you should expect that not all people will be able to come.

That sounds like hell on earth!

I'd just refuse for the plain and simple fact that I wouldn't be able have no interest in spending all day at Disneyland Paris.

I don't have the type of friends who spent a week in Ibiza with the girls for their hen do though. <shudders>