I need to be honest with my friend and admit that her 50th birthday outing will be too much for me, but feel bad saying it!

[Winterysun]

I'm only two years older than her, am sociable, enjoy going out and I work - BUT I also need 'recharge' time, as I'm more introverted than her.

The planned day is Disneyland Paris, which will mean getting on a coach at 6 am, arriving mid-morning and not getting home until midnight/1 am. I've done Disneyland Paris before when my children were young, and loved it but we stayed for long weekends, rather than rushing around in a day!

I've done similar things before, but feel wiped out by the afternoon after such an early start, and with a lively group I won't have that 'chill time' to get my energy back for the evening (meal & probably a lot to drink)!

I'd love to still celebrate with her, ie, theatre, lunch & sightseeing, local restaurant etc but don't want to disappoint her! Would any of you admit you don't fancy it, or go anyway and possibly struggle to keep up?

I would feel the same as you.

Could you get a hotel and meet them there/stay the night afterwards ?

Fuck me this thread is the gift that keeps on giving 😂

I don't have additional needs (apart from being a bit grumpy) but there is no way I would be doing a coach trip to Paris and back in a day - not when the Eurostar exists.

Coaches suck. Really badly.

Wtf!

So according to you, if someone feels differently about something, they must have additional needs?. 🤨

I think I've seen it all now. 🤣

I get you OP. I need some time without people needing stuff from me. And preferably a respite from noise. Otherwise I get totally peopled out.

Right so you don't mind having time in Disney.

Why don't you suggest making a weekend of it rather than the hideously long day thing? The travel won't be any different.
The cost of tickets will be the same.
Just adding an overnight would make it so much more enjoyable.

You shouldn’t decide such an activity and then just inform people that’s what it is and expect them to turn up regardless. Fine if you want to do that and accept some people, even your closest friend, doesn't want to do it. If you want them all to come and genuinely enjoy the day agree mutually on what suits everyone.

If a friend decided they wanted to spend a whole day and evening on a pub crawl for their birthday followed by a club I would decline the invite as that would be my idea of hell, friend or not.

Having a birthday doesn’t elevate you to some kind of untouchable level of reverence.

I'm glad many of you understand!!
I also like the 'Spoons' theory someone posted, earlier in the thread.
People's energy levels can differ greatly, regardless of age or personality type!

I’m exhausted after going in to my local city (half hour train ride), walking around the shops, having lunch, a bit more wandering and back on the train, home by five. That’s a full tiring day for me nowadays 😁

If I knew i was going back to a resort or close-by hotel for the night this trip would be a bit more manageable. The idea of travelling to France, a day at Disney followed by a trek back to England all on the same day, would be intolerable for me.

I remember how exhausting I found a day at Disney in the US and that didn't involve all the travel before and after, just a short drive.

A few people on this thread should probably request a check up from their GP. I get not wanting to spend a lot of time with other people, but some of the things mentioned really shouldn’t exhaust healthy people to this extent.

I have a chronic illness.

As a pp said skiing can be hellish for this. Half the group are like, let's get up at the crack of dawn to catch the first lift (OMG virgin snow, first tracks) - straight to the top of the mountain. Numerous runs, one after and other before they contemplate a coffee. Coffee is spent planning the next exhausting route down hideously steep death traps.

I am not in that group. I like to take it easy, take it all in, enjoy the full experience. I am not trying to break any records. I like a few easy runs to get my feet in, then maybe a coffee and a bit of people watching. Few more runs than lunch. Nothing terrifying. Couple more runs, then mid afternoon stop for a drink and a warm probably followed by a gentle glide down to the bottom of the resort. Kit off (such relief) and into accommodation to enjoy the bliss of taking those dreadful boots off and just decompress with a nice glass of wine. If we time it right we have a blissful hour or so chilling in the quiet accommodation before the others get back and have lazy showers and sit in PJs before getting ready for dinner.

The virgin snow brigade are still somewhere on the mountain and talking about night skiing, plotting complicated final runs to make the most of final lifts. The word final lifts triggers an anxiety response in me. They rush in already talking about tomorrow's itinerary, typically involving words like 'off piste', the snow park and hiking to off the beaten track runs.

We are all just different. Unfortunately I am married to someone who wants to maximise the day. I now only go on these trips if I have a like minded companion.

Ok…?

Not seeing the relevance to what I wrote, but thanks for sharing.

I'd make the effort - but only if she's paying.
People that want these elaborate self- commemorations just because they happen to have survived a certain number of decades can flippin' well fund them for everyone who feels obliged to go.

People have differing energy levels for all kinds of reasons. Some people can get by on 5 hours a night of sleep, others need 10 to function. There’s nothing ‘wrong’ with either. When I go in holiday, I write off the whole first full day as a lazy pool day because I’m exhausted after the journey.

@ReshapetheBrain you and I need to go skiing together !

@ViolinsPlayGentlyOn they don't need a check up from the neck at all. They just value rest, stillness and peacefulness as much as you enjoy maximising your time and fitting in as much as possible.

In today's society so much value is place on being busy and making the most of life. Packing in as much as possible.

You can see it on this thread - 'what? You don't want to take part in 19 hour day trip, you must have an undiagnosed medical issue or a personality disorder please see a doctor.

A lot of us value rest, peacefulness and stillness in the same way you enjoy 'doing stuff', we don't need any kind of intervention.

I was thinking more of a hormone issue / vitamin deficiency - I know if I’m getting exhausted after a few hours (which is what some people - not the OP - have been saying) it’s normally a sign my thyroid medication needs an adjustment.

@rookiemere we should, The 'Leave your Strava charging, you won't need it here' collective.

Perhaps those liking a slower paced “less exhausting” lifestyle, or whatever you want to call it, can argue that those who pack loads in have an issue and need a check up - they can’t tolerate stillness / not being distracted / can’t sit with themselves / are trying to escape some other feeling 🤔

Christ that sounds un fun. Most of the day will be spent travelling. I love Disney, so would happily go if it was 2 nights and a full day there to enjoy in between, but hours on a coach is just tedious.

Fuck that. This sounds like an expensive, exhausting and potentially wasteful day. This sort of excursion deserves an overnight stay with a nice meal in a restaurant and a few drinks in the evening (especially for the age group involved).

Exactly, Lighttodark! I belong to a book club, and enjoy contributing to the discussion as much as I like listening to others. The person I sit with, contributes freely but just CAN'T sit and listen. She's nudging me, showing me memes on her phone, or texting people, whispering when others are talking. I just like to switch off from my day and absorb it all, but she CAN'T just sit!

I find her v irritating at times but never commented, however she comments on my 'stillness and calm', it makes me self conscious and I wish she wouldn't!

Anyway, I've decided not to go to Disneyland. I admitted to my friend by text I'd find it a v long day, and would rather treat her to lunch or theatre locally for her birthday. This was mid-day, she's read it but not responded yet. Hope she's ok with it!

The faux concern lol. Of course things can exhaust someone that may not affect another person.

Some people have boundless energy and some do not, be that physical or mental.

When i went to Disney I was fast asleep in bed by 9pm I found it so tiring.

I am very much like you, @Winterysun I need alot of downtime as I am quite introverted and it takes up a huge amount of energy for me to be social - especially after a day of work! I think your solution is good and if she really needs 6 people she can invite someone else.

I recently went on a long weekend away with some very good female friends. I found it so hard. The drinking, the meals out, the noise, the planned activities. I'll never do it again. I am lucky though that this group of friends know me and also (it sounds crazy) I am 'lucky' that a few years back I had very bad health that zapped my energy and they got used to me joining in for things I could manage but skipping what I could not. I'm pretty honest about it all. I just say if I am able to cope or not with something. Before Christmas for example there were several outings planned and I turned down all but one. Because with other Christmas things- the obligatory work thing and a book club christmas lunch thing I was not able to do 3 further things with my friends, but I could manage 1 thing.

For people who really love socialising it can be hard to understand, but we are all different and i spent decades joining in for things that simply stressed me out because I did not want to look like I was rejecting the friendships.

I hope your friend understands. Your alternative option sounds much nicer, and it's very one to one so you would have more quality time IMO.