Inverted Snobbery

[stbeaker]

I have noticed that MN has started to berate anybody who can afford to do or buy anything nice. See the recent 18k holiday thread with people calling the op grotesque.

Surely MN should be for all. For the rich, for the poor, and for everybody in the middle.

Now obviously if you are commenting on threads about people asking for advice who have a weekly shopping budget of £50 about how you shop in Selfridges food hall then you are an insensitive div.

But if you start a specific thread about a luxury holiday or what designer bag to get - then you should be allowed to do so without being labelled grotesque or having COL thrown at you.

I find it difficult to think that behaviour which has no material impact on others is any type of issue at all. People labelled by some as "public school twats" etc, are literally running the country, always have been, likely always will. Do we need to wring our hands over a few choice words flung in their direction?

Compare that to actual snobbery, where a person is kept in their place, earnings limited, quality of life impaired, opportunities denied, due to their background.

The motivation, mechanism and impact is completely different.

But, I guess, everyone likes to be a victim these days.

18 K isn't a fortune here, but why post such details specifically on Mumsnet?
There will understandably be people bashing for it.
A very good cruise holiday, as informed by husband, would cost the two of us 50+ grand.
Obviously no cruise planned. 😁

So basically we are banned from talking about designer bags, luxury holidays, new cars etc? We can’t post for advice about these things?

why undwerstandbly?

I used to be a bit reverse snobbery about some things but then I realised... you know what? everyone has their own problems and dilemmas where they are at and may need somewhere to discuss them. And yes, that does include people who want to know if they should choose Eton or Harrow for their kids, or if they should spend £2m on a home in London or in the home counties. I am not one of those people but to a mum wondering how to feed her kids and heat her home, or where the hell she and her family are going to live now her landlord is selling up and she has no money for a deposit, my very middle class problems will look like a walk in the park.

But as I said, people need support and advice wherever they are in life.

Why’s it different to someone posting about a million pound budget for a property, or what sash windows to have, or 25k per year private schools or 50k cars?

I think there's a fair bit of fantasising goes on on the "how can I spend my gargantuan pots of money?" threads. Eg that poster who put up a photo of her "bedroom" - which turned out to actually be a hotel bedroom.

People with that kind of money don't need to ask mumsnet for holiday ideas.

I've imagined these jealous posters doing their (minimum wage) knitting & cheering as the tumbrils rolled towards the guillotine.
"Off with their heads! How dare you spend the money you earned by working hard on a frivolous holiday."

When I saw 18k for a holiday, I could not understand how a holiday could cost so much. If it's outside your sphere, then I think it's perfectly conceivable that you don't know. It easier for most of us to understand about people with COL difficulties than wealth I think because most of us pay bills and have seen.the rises

People with that kind of money don't need to ask mumsnet for holiday ideas.

I have in the past, I have a 60k per annum holiday budget and sometimes need inspiration. I can’t talk to anyone in RL apart from my DH as my two best friends go on one holiday every few years. So the holiday board is really helpful, we can advise each other on who is best for business class, weather at different times of the year etc usually without like minded posters.

Ok

We ALL pay bills

I can’t say I’ve noticed this so much. What I do notice more and more frequently is the proliferation of threads filled with political buzz phrases like ‘race to the bottom’, ‘politics of envy’, etc. the only context where using race to the bottom is appropriate, to my mind, is where we are talking about women’s expectations for their partners. Otherwise, it usually
code for “I’m not that bothered about how the lower downs do, I want to do what I want and can afford without much thought for how poorer people live their lives”.

Same. What is this expectation that people with more £££ must outsource decisions. I like making the decisions!

People on benefits/minimum wage struggling with COL don't have to post on here either, they could go to the CAB, Google or ask people IRL. But they don't, because MN is a good place to find people in similar circumstances. I've been to fancy travel agents before and honestly the responses I get on mumsnet are more enlightening.

So isn't MN a great place then. It shows people how others live

Being surprised is but the same as criticised though and that is what the OP is referring to.

But surely you know there are people who live in £5million -£24 million houses or more so why would you not have a clue that they spend tens if not hundreds of thousands on holiday?

Me too. I’m middle class and I genuinely had no idea people spent 18k on holidays.

I’ve had one holiday in the last ten years. Last year I went to Europe for ten days. Stayed in a v posh hotel (to me, anyway). Total cost was less than £3k - and that was v v expensive and v luxurious.

So it wouldn’t have occurred to me at all that someone would spend 18k on a holiday. To me, that’s a deposit on a flat, or six months off work.

@LittleRedRidingHoody

Weird that you know rich people who never paid for holidays. I know properly rich people (and I don’t mean people who work in banking. I mean people who own banks) and they pay for the most spectacular holidays.

Ha yes to the inverted snobbery. Things like en-suites which are generally seen as a luxury but it's like "oh god darling bless you noooo you don't want a barthroom in your boudoir especially not one the size of a common person's pantry!"

That's how someone sounds to me when they say they don't like en-suites, even if they don't use those words

I just thought that was for the like top .01 percent or whatever so I didn't think they would be hanging on around here. But anyway as stated before I am obviously well out of touch. Happy Hols!

So only poor people alllwed?

So people wanting advice on a luxury hotel can't ask on MN? They have to put some details in otherwise you'll get people suggesting some 3star all inclusive.

Should poor people not post because it's really irrelevant and boring for the rich to have to scroll past?

I think it was more the being young, lots of family everywhere - I've no doubt older family members have paid a fortune for holiday homes etc in the past to make it viable now. Though definitely 'in banking' and not 'owns banks' kind of rich!

Just felt like a shocker. No one else in my family even owns one house, let alone multiples!

Presumably nobody's banned from talking about these things on here.
Some people struggle financially, though, and probably find it rather difficult to engage or connect with these topics.
Add bad mood or problem and you get called names and ear bashed.

@HauntedBungalow

People with that kind of money don't need to ask mumsnet for holiday ideas

Yes. Yes we do. I came on asking about Sani resorts one year. It wasn't my usual type of place. I prefer a little quieter and a little more stealth wealth so I wanted to get an idea of what the place was like. I received lots of really helpful replies.

Totally agree, its about everything, clothes, health, diet, holidays, schooling, activities, housing, furniture, you name it

Cue lots of sneering and nastiness about any one persons experience, observation or life.

But surely SURELY you know there are people who live in multi million £ houses. Surely you know there are thousands of millionaires in the UK alone.

What did you think these people did and spent on their holidays?

Like someone said, I don't know much about private jets or super yachts but I know they exist and I know they are hundreds of millions.

How would anyone literate enough to use MN be in complete ignorance of the fact that rich people spend a lot of money ?

I was thinking £18,000 is a lot. Then I looked at the receipt for our family ski trip in February: £16,429. Not as bad but not cheap.

However that is for 6 of us, DH and me, two adult DSs two grandchildren, one 7 the other 21.

We have asked the DSs to contribute £1000 each which they have done, we are covering the DGSs.

That price includes flights and transfers, ski hire, lessons or guiding, lift passes,
all inclusive food and drinks entertainment and childcare if required, in a ClubMed hotel.

I gave up skiing at 72 but I enjoy the mountain and the atmosphere. DH is now 73 and thinks this might be his last. Legs, back and age!

We are both retired and enjoy the company of our family. We can afford the holiday and are looking forward to it especially if it turns out to be our last family ski trip.