Inverted Snobbery

[stbeaker]

I have noticed that MN has started to berate anybody who can afford to do or buy anything nice. See the recent 18k holiday thread with people calling the op grotesque.

Surely MN should be for all. For the rich, for the poor, and for everybody in the middle.

Now obviously if you are commenting on threads about people asking for advice who have a weekly shopping budget of £50 about how you shop in Selfridges food hall then you are an insensitive div.

But if you start a specific thread about a luxury holiday or what designer bag to get - then you should be allowed to do so without being labelled grotesque or having COL thrown at you.

Same! I never get annoyed about threads but had to refrain myself from replying to every pissy comment.

This is very true. I travel a lot but usually stay at a place owned by a family member, so I’m not actually spending much. I have older family members with properties scattered across the globe and not enough time to spend at all of them. One uncle has nine of them and no children, so of course I’m happy to go and “have a look at the place.”

Depending on dates and carrier £3k-£5k one way?

I think it's an inevitable consequence of living in a society with extreme disparities in wealth.

If you want to get rid of it, we need to tackle that first.

Any suggestions op?

Someone snootily told them to 'check your privilege'.

I’ve had this said to me on a thread around a year ago when posters were discussing buying cars for children. It really made me laugh.

We've been on the bones of our arses when our children were young struggling to make ends meet which is a world away to where we are now. I never forget those days when we struggled and no-one knows the background of posters having £18k holidays as long as they’re happy to spend that amount then it’s absolutely none of anyone else’s business.

I believe there’s a lot of jealously on these boards at times.

No - why would I?

Jealousy is horrible. Some people have more.

Some friends of mine just blued over £26K on a 3-month trip to the Antipodes and Japan.

Was I envious? Well, it's fair to say I'd love to have a similar opportunity for myself one day, but in the meantime I derived a great deal of vicarious pleasure from following their adventures on Facebook. Same goes for a dear friend and colleague of mine - a Professor Emerita who frequently sails around on Cunard ships delivering lectures on a niche literary topic. Now THAT would be an amazing retirement plan - if only!

I followed their trips and had lots of fun planning out exactly where I'd go if/when I get a similar opportunity. Mumsnet would have blown a gasket, I fear ...

Does anyone remember the thread asking if their £50k in a pension would be sufficient to fund their retirement? The answer should have been ‘it probably isn’t’ but it was meant with shrieks about COL crisis and accusations of bragging. The OP was asking a genuine question and should have been pleased with the savings progress she’d made (albeit more work required) yet the tone of responses was mainly dreadful. Some people can’t seem to accept that there are differences in material circumstances.

I'm saying it's not snobbery, of any type.

People don't tend to talk about money in real life for exactly the same reasons, not sure why you would expect it to be any different online

Ok

Thiiiiiiis is so true 😂 my friends spent our youth staying at someone's uncles vineyard, someone's aunts holiday home, a parents lake apartment 😂 not necessarily old money either just mid range? 18k is mad money for a holiday, need to work on networking 😶

because it’s literally a forum for advice.

are you ok with how to live on 50quid a week threads?

@stbeaker

"Jealousy is horrible. Some people have more."

I don't think jealousy is horrible, I think it's probably actually inspired a lot of people. If you're content with your lot how does anyone have any incentive to do better or achieve more? Overall I think it's better we don't still live in a society where people accept their 'station' in life

I think what you are saying - but not sure jealousy is the right word. Sure incentive by looking at how others live.

There was a good example of this on threads about VAT on school fees. When posters seriously impacted by VAT on school fees dared to say so they were met with screams of 'Pay up!' and rubbing of hands, that some posters will have to withdraw their DC from private school. Not very sisterly.

I just wish we could all be nice to each other.

I don't have a problem with either thread personally...

If a topic is something you wouldn't talk about in real life because you would worry about upsetting people or being judged, then the exact same thing is likely to happen online. If not worse. Unless you would discuss and 18k holiday with literally anyone?

Yep and the sum total of that policy is to make indy schools more elitist and more privileged!!

I would obviously be sensitive only discuss with friends who I knew could afford it. But a public forum is different imo.

I didn't see that thread but I know what you mean.

Is it one of those weird British things - " talking about money" being frowned upon maybe?

I don't think it is any different. All the people who can't afford it are also on the forum. And they've got the added anonymity of the Internet.

reality tv,soaps (most seem to get knowledge from there,) football, etc rather than studying different subjects etc to learn more, are the main reasons from talking with friends, obviously not all people but gives an idea

@stbeaker

"I think what you are saying - but not sure jealousy is the right word. Sure incentive by looking at how others live."

I think incentive is not strong enough, if you're really going to go out and fight for something you want it's not just because there's an incentive it's because you absolutely want to be in the position of the other person or even better.

I don't have much helpful advice on £18k holidays, or much to say about how to stretch a £50 pw food budget, or how to escape an abusive partner. I can't help on electric cars or DC with ASD, read the housing market in Manchester, or recommend great vegan restaurants or what careers in the RAF look like. I can't help with 11+ tutors, dental implants or AI resorts in Turkey. So I don't comment on, or even read those threads. I don't really understand why some people engage in subjects that aren't relevant and allow themselves to be riled by them.