Inverted Snobbery

[stbeaker]

I have noticed that MN has started to berate anybody who can afford to do or buy anything nice. See the recent 18k holiday thread with people calling the op grotesque.

Surely MN should be for all. For the rich, for the poor, and for everybody in the middle.

Now obviously if you are commenting on threads about people asking for advice who have a weekly shopping budget of £50 about how you shop in Selfridges food hall then you are an insensitive div.

But if you start a specific thread about a luxury holiday or what designer bag to get - then you should be allowed to do so without being labelled grotesque or having COL thrown at you.

Inverted snobbery isn't real, so I wouldn't worry about it.

I mean, snobbery exists - the process by which the middle/upper class gate-keep opportunity, status, power and culture via requiring accumulation of money.

But a person lacking opportunity, status, power and access to cultural activities, criticising one who has these things, isn't gate-keeping anything. They're just being a bit grumpy. Maybe, understandably so.

No - considerably more. But even if we use your guess of 2k per person - for a family of 4 that would be 8k on flights before you have booked hotel, attractions, or spending money. Even based on your guess - you can surely concede that holidays can and do cost that.

I mean if people genuinely don't think that's what holidays cost - surely you see the thread, read a few posts - see that it's not a ridiculous amount to spend (in the sense that loads of holidays can cost that much and you don't need to go to the moon) and then just move on without posting on the thread.

It's the cries of "oh I don't earn that in a decade" "oh I could never, just pitch a tent on the local field like we do for a month in winter" that just need to stop surely. If it's not a thread / topic for people then can't they just realise that and leave the thread?

Of course it exists

Oh trust me inverse snobbery exists. From the "posh twat" comments on MN to my MIL who puts down anyone she thinks is getting above their station ie is aspirational

Theres a lovely thread about what Christmas leftovers you would offer a guest on here right now and someone had to drag it down by saying that not everyone has enough to eat let alone leftovers.
That is true and should be acknowledged but its like we can't have any fun or spend any money in case not everyone can do the same.

Ok I concede! Just bloody hell, that is some serious dough!

Where would be the fun in that??? 😁

But snobbery is an exercise in power brought about by wealth. People who have neither yes, can gripe, can name call, can act with hostility, but what they are doing isn't snobbery, inverted or otherwise. Snobbery only works one way - downwards. You can't exert control over someone above you.

@festivemouse if you can't go on a luxe holiday, how else are you expected to get your fun????😁😁😁😁 This is a more economical way of having a good time!

@HauntedBungalow

Well according to the dictionary it exists and is:
A person overly proud of being one of or sympathetic to the common people, and who denigrates or shuns those of superior ability, education, social standing, etc

Also
https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2008/mar/25/endinginversesnobbery

The Oxford dictionary disagrees with you.

I'm ok with that.

@HauntedBungalow but define 'above you'? Because I wouldn't see anyone as below or above me, but I've definitely felt snubbed by people who earn more, and by those who earn/claim less. I have a extremely strained relationship with my family because I'm a high earner - it doesn't matter I never bring it up, it doesn't matter it benefits them (or used to, I've stopped playing that game) - I've tried to hide it forever but ultimately can't hide my house/clothes and get mocked frequently for it. And similar happens if I ever see family friends/people I grew up with.

People want to feel justified for their decisions and snub those who aren't similar. It's not a nice thing, but you can't relegate that behaviour to only higher earners/'higher classes'.

To be honest that what I love about Mumsnet. The disparity between poster’s lives. One day you have someone saying ‘I’ve got a tin of beans to last the month’ and then there are threads about 18k holidays.

In find it all fascinating. I can go from thinking ‘wow, how lucky am I? To thinking bloody hell where did I go wrong?

One minute someone thinks it’s fine to do the school run in Tigger pyjamas and then there’s a thread about tips when hiring a housekeeper.

It keeps it all interesting.

I agree but it cuts both ways. There are threads where it clearly doesn't occur to posters that not everyone can afford a cleaner etc. Basically, quite a lot of people can't imagine life outside their own little world.

Totally agree op. Having said that I'm very careful what I post and aware that mn is outside my particular bubble. I might post about where I've been but not how much it cost.

Agreed

I find 'old money' holiday practises so interesting.

I used to work with rich people - really rich, think high earning entry level roles where people were earning £60k right out of Uni in London, but still had a flat bought for them in St John's Wood and allowances to 'top up' salaries. My first proper insight into this whole other world! I was on the same 60k juggling nursery fees/rent/life and still felt incredibly rich earning the most I ever had done.

But anyway... no one paid for accommodation ever. It was always an aunts chalet for skiing or a cousins place in Sri Lanka. I think what did it for me was being explained to by about 5 people at lunch one day why holidays worked out cheaper than being in the UK as they never spent any money 😂 Parents always covered flights, family members covered food bills.

@HauntedBungalow what you seem to be saying is that it’s permissible to be grumpy towards people who have more than you?

I agree. If you’ve tried pricing up a 2wk European package holiday recently in the school summer holidays, you’re looking easily looking at a few thousand for something not that mind blowing. Not that big a leap to see how someone doing well might spend even more

The budget was in the title, so if you’ve found it triggering, don’t click it.

I saw a comment on one of the 'I don't much like what I got for Christmas' threads the other day, in which people shared their stories of disliked gifts, the value of which could have ranged from £ to £££££, and were anything from socks to high-end electricals, and everything in between.

Someone snootily told them to 'check your privilege'.

🙄

The person who derides the way someone spends their money by saying its crass, or they're getting above themselves is acting to bring others down. Our peers keep us in our place as much as those above us, perhaps more

I had to sit on my hands & refrain from posting on the £18k thread.!
It's for 4 people FFS, I wanted to say.

Anything other than a TUI type beach holiday will cost several £k pp.

How can anyone claim to not understand how people can spend that amount?