DSS saying hasn’t got enough space in shared bedroom

[Tryingtoaccomodateeveryone]

I’m trying my best to make it work and he’s being really ungrateful.

Me and dp have 2 ds (6 and 8) and dss is 15. 2 bed house (one very large bedroom one smaller that fits a double bed and one chest of drawers). Ds were sharing with 2 single beds in there and when dss stayed which used to be EOW me and dp would have the sofa bed downstairs.

Dss has now moved in with us so I got Ds 6 and 8 a bunkbed, a single bed for dss, a desk for dss, a small cupboard and cleared half the wardrobe so he had space for clothes. Put up 3 shelves for his things and used ikea shelves with storage boxes to partition half the room. It looks really nice. He’s furious . He wants our room as needs ‘privacy and quiet to study’.

My dc only use the room from 8-830pm each night as in the day they play downstairs. I’ve tried really hard to make this work (it was very last min due to an issue with dp ex).

I think it’s ok ? We can’t partition fully as renting. We can’t afford a bigger house so this is the best option. He thinks we should share a room with Ds 6 and 8 as wants his own space.

Don’t be so bloody ridiculous!

He will be 16 soon, time for him to start earning and paying whatever the difference in rent would be for a larger house.

You do know full time education is now compulsory until 18?

Some people have such low aspirations for their children.

You are doing the best you can under the circumstances, giving him the small study should hopefully sort out the problem.

Can I ask for some "clues" as to why?

....as opposed to simply making baseless inferences abount my parenting abilities or lack thereof? 🤔

There are some really clever ideas to partition a room with beds on the internet. Have a look. Usually to split a room into two, but wondered if you could move the bunk bed and use it as a partition with a side wall added on one side, giving him a section of the room in private. You could then add a door? Also, universities now use beds which double up as desks. Basically, there is furniture out there that you may be able to get some ideas from.

Seriously - it's everyone else's fault and they deserve to also be "disrupted/traumatised" to accommodate his selfish behaviour?

Seriously are you even asking this no 15 year old should be sharing with kids under 10 give him the smaller room. But the two younger kids in the larger one and you and DP should move onto the sofa bed like you had been doing when he was here before. He can't be expected to share at a vital time where he will be doing exams, studying, need chill out time as well as adjusting to the move. Need I say "w@#£ing" he is in the midst of puberty and needs privacy if you can give up a bed EOW when he came there's nothing stopping you giving it up all together. If not then maybe you should look at whether it was a suitable decision to get him to move in full time. My mum brought 7 kids up in a 3 bedroom house and as soon as we hit 12-13 we were always given privacy. My parents used the smaller room with any babies and all other under tens had the largest. Shared. Regardless of sex. The third room was used for the oldest. When it became 2 at teen stage then they converted a dining room. When three hit the teenage stage. My dad adapted a very small room (more cupboard) that didn't fit a bed for me. "I was smaller than the rest and underdeveloped due to disability" I didn't need a full sized bed so he built one in to the side with storage underneath. I used that room until I left at 19 no problem and loved it. By then older siblings had moved on no teenager was ever left without privacy. In fact two of my sisters actually asked to share because my dad had set them up separate and they just weren't used to the quiet. They did grow up together in a shared room but out of choice with a screen. A screen shouldn't be used to section you ger kids from teens. Your DSS is adjusting to living with you as it is. You really don't want to be dealing with younger kids seeing what teenagers get Upton in their rooms. It's disturbing. He needs space.

He "DPS" us acting like an entitled little teenabpge brat - which he obviously is -
I assume because of this comment? Describing a traumatised child this way.
Was it you who reported my comment? Or someone else who can't take being called out for the way they speak about kids?
MN you delete me, but leave up all the coments slagging off a child, nice.

I haven't read the whole thread so this may have been suggested already.
Move your daughter's into your room, he has their room and you and DH make the best of the situation. You mentioned the sofabed isn't good for DH back. Get a new one or a new mattress for the one you've got.
I'd still let him have the study as a room for him.
Personally I wouldn't be comfortable with a 15yr old boy sleeping in the same room as 2 younger girls so I'd lump it and sleep in the living room.

Compassion and understanding, or at least trying to understand what it might like to be in this boys head this affecting his mood I believe is what the PP is getting at. Which could explain his selfish behaviour.

PP I agree with you.

My apologies as I misread the OP.
For some reason I saw DD??! 🫣
I'm sure I'll still be told I got it wrong despite my realisation lol

It’s the decline of society that has bred these people along with the decline of the fabric of this country. I can’t see it changing in the near future.
I do feel for the lad and the whole family in this situation but luckily the stepmum is compassionate and trying to do her best.
I hope she succeeds 🤞

Could you partition the bigger bedroom either with a large curtain wire and floor length curtains or with furniture? Whether he or you and DP use the other half. It's not a permanent partition so shouldn't affect the rental.

too many abbreviations - did my little head in trying to read that - but good luck whatever your issue is!

Couldnt you put bunk beds and a single bed into the big bedroom,partition it off with tall units or wardrobes back to back and you and dp have the smaller room if you cam get a double bed in there, maybe put a wardrobe in study for your clothes or even in living room. Other than that, look. for a 3 bed house rent may not be much more than where you are. Trust the ex has handed over family allowance and/or maintenance now your keeping dss.

As someone who was removed by social services and has a 15 year old son, my heart breaks for this boy.
some people are just plain nasty.
Im sure he knows what he’s asking isn’t necessarily feasible, but being traumatised kind of does that to you, overlaid onto being a teenager. Poor kid.

Glad you’ve found a good solution for you all

It is not ideal but it is unreasonable of him. OP has said there’s a study room. He can work or play in there after school.

You can't be serious! Suck it up buttercup... life is messy, life at times is cramped. In time things may get better but for the moment loads of people are just getting by.

Must be a VERY little head.

As you are renting I think your significant change of circumstances would push you up Council/Housing Association waiting list. If social workers are involved they might be able to assist. Good Luck.

I imagine he is furious because of whatever happened with his mother and, the fact that as a result, he is now having to live a different life. It’s understandable he is frustrated with the new living arrangements, however, I imagine that just accommodating his demand will not solve his emotional issues. I would certainly validate his feelings by recognizing that he has every right to feel frustrated, that this is not ideal for anyone in the house and that you are all trying to find the best solution and for him to feel welcome. The circumstances at the moment do not allow for a different solution, however he can enjoy the space in the studio downstairs and so fort.
I think it would be more supportive for him to know that you can hold your boundaries and keep him safe and looked after than anything else.

So you think him getting his parents bedroom will solve his situation? Where he sleeps isn't the solution,therapy, counselling,being grateful and being loved is what matters..and yes, if he shares with younger siblings, he will be fine.

Hahaha behave!! What happens when one of the others kick off that they need there own room should parents sleep in the shed?