DSS saying hasn’t got enough space in shared bedroom

[Tryingtoaccomodateeveryone]

I’m trying my best to make it work and he’s being really ungrateful.

Me and dp have 2 ds (6 and 8) and dss is 15. 2 bed house (one very large bedroom one smaller that fits a double bed and one chest of drawers). Ds were sharing with 2 single beds in there and when dss stayed which used to be EOW me and dp would have the sofa bed downstairs.

Dss has now moved in with us so I got Ds 6 and 8 a bunkbed, a single bed for dss, a desk for dss, a small cupboard and cleared half the wardrobe so he had space for clothes. Put up 3 shelves for his things and used ikea shelves with storage boxes to partition half the room. It looks really nice. He’s furious . He wants our room as needs ‘privacy and quiet to study’.

My dc only use the room from 8-830pm each night as in the day they play downstairs. I’ve tried really hard to make this work (it was very last min due to an issue with dp ex).

I think it’s ok ? We can’t partition fully as renting. We can’t afford a bigger house so this is the best option. He thinks we should share a room with Ds 6 and 8 as wants his own space.

I think 9pm is late. I am often just chilling in the bedroom earlier.

We have sometime just finished dinner by 9pm!

How old are you? 9?
Most families, having put any younger children to bed, will be downstairs until 10/11 pm. Unless someone is working shifts, a 9pm retreat is most unusual.

It's maybe not ideal but it's more appropriate and practical than either the parents sharing with the 2 children or someone sleeping in the living room.

Children having their individual rooms is a fairly recent thing. A generation so ago kids would share rooms and nobody would think anything of it.

9pm isn’t late for most adults.

I saw a brilliant solution for a tiny room where the family built a platform for the bed, thus enabling it to be used for a bedroom and study combined by using the air space as well as the floor space. And it didn't look expensive. Could you maybe have that as a solution for the downstairs study in your house? He'd prob really appreciate you thinking about him this way as well

How about partition your bedroom off for the little ones and let dss have the kids room?

Tough!! Don’t you dare give up your room to this selfish little human

@Lilywc have you read all the OPs posts about her step son? If so, you are disgusting for calling him selfish given the level of trauma he's experienced.

And if you haven't read the whole thread, them don't comment.

He is a teen undergoing a huge change. It probably is cramped, but for all 3 not just him. Validate his feelings and reassure him that he’s part of the family.

From your OP ot sounds as though the three boys are sharing the smaller of the two rooms - have I got that right? If so, could you not try a switch? You move into the smaller room (you say it fits a bed and Chester drawers) then the boys all share the larger room? This by default would give DSS more space? If you walled off the one side of the bunk beds and could position them sort of central in the room this could also then create a room partition to add privacy for him.

Lots of children have much worse situations than sharing sleeping quarters with siblings. At least he isn’t sharing a bed with them. If he can use the study to get away from siblings and study
then that is quite a plus. He obviously has a lot to be upset about and the whole room thing is just something to kick off about instead of the whole
cant live with mother situation. Better to acknowledge that it’s not ideal and support him through this difficult period. Do not give up your room though as that is giving him too much power which will be alarming for him and give him too much power in the family.

Yes I have read the whole thread & saw what the lad could be going through , but I also think the OP shouldn’t give up their bedroom
I’ve only condensed what a few people have said
the lad is getting the study room & a section of the other room , more than we had as kids
&yes he needs some emotional support to help him cope

It's a very difficult situation for all of you, but I think the solution of him just sleeping in the shared room and having the study as his space is the best option.

I have DS17 and DD nearly 15 in a 2 bed flat. They share a small room with a bunkbed, it's far from ideal but we make it work as I cannot change things for the foreseeable future and the location is key for their continued education.

During the holidays one of them quite often sleeps on the sofa in the lounge. Your DSS could do that maybe at weekends to give him some space. I have made sure we have a TV in each bedroom and lounge so we each have ab escape if we need it.
Sometimes you just have to make the best of what you have and in this case I think it's the fairest option until you can afford to move.

That was a joke, right?
He "DPS" us acting like an entitled little teenabpge brat - which he obviously is -.

In fact IMHO the parents here have already "overaccomodated" the young bully already - moved to the sofa bed when he was "visiting"? Really?
...this situation, somewhat ironically, has a "made their own bed...." aspect to it for sure, but now is the time to make this young man-child face some of tge realities of life both "real life" and his new "home life" - there are four other family members being impacted by his entitled attitude here and he needs to be made to respect that, and right now before it gets even worse.....

Fucking hell. Hope you haven’t got kids @Shotokan101.

I grew up with more siblings than the 2 here and we shared a tiny room, went to school and scored top marks. If the family cannot afford a bigger place, why would anyone suggest they live above means?

He can use the study or the library. Why would the adults give up their space for a 15yo? It is so unreasonable. I am shocked this was even suggested.

He is going through a tough time with mom but needs to learn to love his new home and it's limitations. Not everyone has to bend over backwards for him.
He will be fine.

Some people are being very unreasonable , this family can’t afford to move at the moment and are trying to make the best of it for everyone involved , yes it’s not easy for anyone , she is trying her best !

Don't do this for Christ's sake, he's being a brat.

Yes, it sucks for him but he needs to understand the reality that his parents are not wealthy and therefore the living situation is what it is unless you move somewhere bigger.

What happens when your two younger boys get to teenage years and demand the same?

He will be 16 soon, time for him to start earning and paying whatever the difference in rent would be for a larger house. If he doesn't fancy that he should STFU.

"He will be fine".

Hmm have you ever read any studies into trauma or ACEs (adverse childhood experiences).

Please don't just glibly assume people in situations other than you will be fine.

*He found out his dad wasn't his dad while in primary school.

*His mother is suddenly no longer available - you don't need much imagination to think of some scenarios this might be the case.
*He is a teenage boy with all the normal teenage boy issues and discoveries.

*He is being flung into a family that didn't particularly want him or have space for hin

• He was expected to share with 2 small children.
• He is changing school a few months before GCSEs.
• There is professional involvement

There is a lot going on here to just assume someone with all this going on"will be fine". It will likely take a lot of work and investment from OP (who is being amazing) and the boys dad for this to be the case.

Its kind of like saying to someone with a scary medical diagnosis "oh you'll be fine"... Yes they might be but that's missing the real issues here.

I think sometimes people find it hard to think ebyind their social circle and experience.

And you still called him a selfish little human? You're gross.

Fgs another one.
He is NOT being a brat.

I will step away but wish you all the best OP.

Brat? Another shitty poster here.
What the hell has happened to this place? I've only been on here around 5 years and I've seen a steep decline in the type of people who post on here nowadays. So many vile people, who scarily seem to be raising children.

I would get a Murphy bed for you and DH. Let teen have the smaller bedroom and the little ones the bugger bedroom.

It must be disappointing to have gone to the effort you have for it not to have the response you were expecting.

My different sex teens have their own room and I sleep on a recliner chair downstairs. Needs must and all that. The teens get the privacy that they need.