People who drop out of life

[Dappy777]

Over the last week or so I've had two separate conversations about people who've 'dropped out' of life – no job, no friends, no interest in anything.

Last night, for example, I went for a meal with a family friend who was telling us about his youngest brother. He is 30, lives with their mum, and has no life at all. He has no job, no relationship, no hobbies and very few friends. He spends all day in the flat eating takeaways and drinking, then sleeps most of the afternoon, wakes up around 8pm and sits up all night playing video games. He's never been abroad, and never even been to London (he lives in north Essex).

I had a similar chat on Christmas Day. A neighbour told me about his brother and how he's "given up on life" (as my neighbour put it). Doesn't work, date, socialize, pursue hobbies, nothing.

It isn't so much the not dating or not working that puzzles me. Plenty of people don't want a serious relationship, or kids, or even a job. I can even understand not socialising (I'm a bit of an introvert myself). What I find so puzzling is the lack of interest in life/being alive – you know, just going for a walk on a spring morning, or swimming in the sea, or looking at the stars. Is it depression do you think? I know of quite a few people like this – young people who play video games, smoke weed, and seem to have opted out of the world. I don't know if it's my imagination, but it seems to be more common. Is it just me?

@squirrelnutcartel How did your Dad and FIL cope back in the day, as presumably they didn’t receive much support during education and employment? It must’ve been very tough for them.

Don’t be silly. But we can learn a lot from lockdown, and maybe if NT people struggled with it, it could help them empathise with the opposite?

It also showed us that many jobs can be done from home.

Indeed @WaitingForMojo It drives me mad that people in many roles didn’t get furlough and were expected to WFH full time - and did so very well.

But now they’re telling the same people “hey you can’t work from home” It’s a bit of a cheek.

I hope more people take employers to court over this.

No of course not, I was merely pointing out that many people are suffering the equivalent level of distress on a permanent basis. It was just an observation that I made.

I didn't know my dad personally as he died when I was young, so I'm not sure how he coped. Fil sort of coped and he had a high level scientific job, but few friends and he rubbed people up the wrong way somewhat. He allowed himself to die of cancer by refusing treatment and died in his early 70s. He'd also taken early retirement at 50.

I'm the same unfortunately 😕 but that's just the way it is.

I mean the way it is for me.

I loved this aspect of lockdown.No pressure to do anything. Yes it was the extroverts who couldn’t cope and also probably broke the rules. My life wasn’t much different just walking a mile or so to care for my Mum with dementia. People actually said this to me at the time that my life went on as normal. I loved the city with out the buzz of traffic , the cleaner air and more wildlife. But I am going off topic !

@DivineHour

Obviously the poster isn't suggesting that. Just employers and the govt need to understand that in supporting ND people then this can be done and many will and can be great employees in the right environment.

It feels like you are trying to be obtuse

That’s messed up. It shows those running the disability charity clearly didn’t genuinely care about its stated aims and missions.

Yes I used to live in South Korea and there was so much I adored about that country but even many of the children were very overworked. They’d go to the public schools from 9am to 2.30pm then in late afternoon or early evening they’d go to the “hagwon” which is a private academy. Some would be there until after 9pm. Not only that but it was common - even back then which was a decade ago - for 16 year olds to get plastic surgery gifted from their parents on their birthday! There was extremely high pressure on “perfection” in ALL areas of life. I knew some size 14 westerners out there who were called fat and piggy in the streets. I was a size 8-10 /9.5 stone but was always way huger than everyone else 😂

If the economy is going to improve and taxes be collected, then these rigid and toxic Amazon employers need to change

Exactly, they’re just shooting themselves in the foot. I would be earning far more for the economy if I knew more employers would accommodate my needs. They make it so difficult that I’m not surprised some people just throw up their hands and go live on UC for long periods of times.

I know one drop out who claimed benefit for mental health problems and worked a bric a brac / antiques cash in the hand sideline for many years tax free.

She lived in a upmarket leafy lane area of our town so she didn't fit the stereotypical benefit claimer but was very quick to point the finger at others on benefits .

I didn't click at the time but looking back I can now see that's what she was up to . Back then people didn't claim benefits on the scale they do now and you would never think someone like her would do it . She did it in plain sight .

Being ND/having MH issues does not mean that lockdown was a breeze, so please don't speak for everyone. ND and NT folks are not homogenous masses. There are NT people that bloody loved the lockdowns, and plenty of ND who hated it.

I sadly knew of a few suicides during lockdown, and they were people with existing MH conditions. I was almost one of them. I was at the tail end of a MH crisis episode, and was getting help getting out and about and not isolating myself... only then to be told I had to revert back to isolating myself. It sent me back to a dark place again.

@XenoBitch You're right and even now, some NT people find that wfh works very well for them, they can focus better and be more productive.

Employers should be working with all their employees, be they NT or ND, and working out their strengths so they can be their best and happiest.
Sadly, that sort of thing is only going to apply to a certain sector of workers, and not someone working in a warehouse, who someone in a very physical role.

@XenoBitch Yes, there are definitely sectors where wfh isn’t feasible, but plenty of jobs are suited to it.

Exactly . And that’s why, if possible,
people should choose their jobs /career accordingly.

My brother is an a&e doctor, he’s also quite extroverted and loves being around people (to an extent) and he can’t WFH in the role he does but he wouldn’t want to anyway.

I used to be more extroverted in my 20s and despite increasingly hating the commute I did enjoy the part of my role which was face to face with young people. When I realised I couldn’t do that long term I switched careers to a more office based role where I knew WFH would be a possibility.

I appreciate career change is not possible for everyone hence I said where possible

Of course there are jobs where WFH is never going to apply and that’s fine, but the main issue right now is that even with jobs well suited to WFH, the people are being told they must go into the office.

I’m so sorry that so many things went badly for you. It would be totally understandable if you did drop out for a bit or feel you’ve lost your identity.
I hope you find it again in 2025 ❤️.

Of the few ND people I know, they are all in fields where they are thriving, where they can wfh, the employers are aware, and they excel. So this is like software engineering, systems developer roles, lecturing/teaching, researchers. I think depending how high functioning you are and how much support you have from family etc to encourage you. There is more support and guidance out there workwise and larger employers have dedicated support for those ND because they know they have skills the companies need. It didn't seem like this when I was younger, say 20 years back.

I know of a few others who are in a bit of a dream world too and just not suited to the world of paying work so they do stuff like art or dance but their parents support their lifestyle.

With the lock down point also, my ND partner really struggled because it threw his whole routine out. He had certain hobbies which kept him stable but wasnt able to do these. He became more and more insular. My other friends thrived because many were introverted and loved just wfh and being with the family.

The problem is when you are ASD, you are often bothered by things that other people are not. So chances are people won't breathe a sigh of relief when she leaves the group because other people in the group are not annoyed by her and they will think I am unreasonable for saying anything.

Also, needs to be some give and take on the understanding doesn't there? Can't complain that there is not enough compassion for people if you yourself don't give it to others.

Fuck all of you who think dropping out of life is something to laugh at