Am I ungrateful to be disappointed with Christmas gift?

[chinahandsff]

I know this might sound ungrateful and I'm not but I just feel a bit meh
My partner and I been together 4 years.
Live together etc
We said we would write a list of a few nice gifts we wanted for Christmas and then we ended up with what we wanted with a couple of other bits
I put on a perfume and benefit makeup.
He put on liverpool shirt /trainers
I got him both (cost £200) then I got him hoodie /pjs and a bottle of whiskey.

I opened mine today
I got a hot water bottle (Primark )
A pair of pjs (Primark )
A pair of footsie slippers (Primark and were in his niece size and also her fav cartoon character )
A benefit Mascara
Pandora charm

He said he couldn't get the perfume it was out of stock in boots /superdrug
It was lady million (and I've checked stock and it was in stock )
So I don't know feel a bit sad
I don't mean to be ungrateful
I think he has seen the price and though f that.

I’m sure you’ll get told you should be grateful, but I see where you’re coming from.

DH and I have always agreed a present budget so we both spend the same amount. Generally we’ve agreed it getting smaller as we get older and have other priorities!

How’s his gift giving been in previous years? Is this year a blip or more of the same? If the latter, I’d lower your gift game in future.

He changed the agreed plan but failed to tell you, that’s mean. A boots voucher for perfume this week would be acceptable had it been out of stock and benefit do lovely sets not just mascara x

I’d be a bit disappointed too especially when it’s obvious the perfume is easily found, what’s the point of doing a list if he’s ignored it.

Tell him it's fine and you don't mind waiting until its back in stock and it's really good he didn't get you something else instead of your main present and how it's lovely to have something to look forward to receiving too

I don’t think you’re unreasonable at all. Sounds like he’s gone round primark and chucked some stuff in a basket without any thought beyond ‘That’ll do.’ People say ‘It’s the thought that counts’ but that doesn’t really apply when little thought has gone into presents.

There seem to be a lot of these kind of threads in which a bloke has put minimum effort into gift giving, every Christmas. I do sometimes idly wonder if there’s a dadsnet equivalent (Pistonheads?) with men complaining they got their wives diamond studs earrings and got Primark slippers in return. Somehow I doubt it.

This!

How much is the difference in price?

I wouldn’t be happy tbh and me and DH don’t do presents at all anymore but if you do and you say what you want and you upheld that he should too.

Don’t have kids with him!

Or quietly reclaim the trainers and return them. Use refund to buy your perfume.

I'd rethink the relationship because this is the best it's ever going to be.

It was my birthday yesterday and he did get me Kylie tickets and some chocs
I honestly think he has seen the price and thought I'm not spending more.
I'm just a bit disappointed as I was really looking forward to the perfume

This!!! Sometimes ypu gotta be passive aggressive.

Actually you could probably go online today and find your perfume, he can still get it for you!

I get why you’re disappointed. Saving money is important for him probably. But still!

YANBU, those are crap.

Ha ha
This.
And hold him to it - silly man.

He's just went on a supermarket sweep of Primark hasn't he
I know the footsies were for his niece but has gave them to me
Oh and a Yankee candle

It's a combo of the birthday near Christmas problem which I expect you are extremely familiar with, and a cheap and thoughtless approach to present buying.

Get a new boyfriend for Xmas one that doesn’t ask for a Liverpool shirt 🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮

Maybe it was a stretch financially to spend a lot straight after the Kylie tickets just yesterday.
My Mum's birthday was just before Christmas and, when I was younger, I found it quite hard to get expensive gifts for both.
I'm a Granny now and most of the budget goes on the grandchildren.
A you get older you'll 'mind' a lot less about the financial value of your presents. When you're younger I think sometimes it feels a bit like a measure of how much you are valued ... and I don't think men do see it like that - hence the difference. (Or he's just a bit mean/broke/spent it in the pub!).

Maybe it was a stretch financially to spend a lot straight after the Kylie tickets just yesterday

But he hasn't had to buy her birthday gifts all year. He could've taken the funds in the summer and set them aside. It presumably hasn't come as a surprise to him.

I think @Spirallingdownwards has a good suggestion how to handle this. You definitely are not ungrateful. I would also tell him to give those slippers to his niece.

He bought the Kylie tickets a couple of months ago on release date

If he didn't want to spend that money on a scent (that is one of the most widely available), he had no right to hand you a shopping list with two items that individually cost what a bottle of Millions does. Unless this is a blip I'd be seriously considering dumping him.

You got Kylie tickets recently lol, put it into perspective a little!

If he went shopping last minute ie the 23rd it could be the perfume was sold out in the boots branch he went to. And he was then too late to order it online / go elsewhere. But he could have said 'I will get it for you but don't have it to put under the tree sorry'. He'd have to admit he wasn't organised enough then though so it's easier to just try the 'not my fault, I got you other stuff' approach.