Am I ungrateful to be disappointed with Christmas gift?

[chinahandsff]

I know this might sound ungrateful and I'm not but I just feel a bit meh
My partner and I been together 4 years.
Live together etc
We said we would write a list of a few nice gifts we wanted for Christmas and then we ended up with what we wanted with a couple of other bits
I put on a perfume and benefit makeup.
He put on liverpool shirt /trainers
I got him both (cost £200) then I got him hoodie /pjs and a bottle of whiskey.

I opened mine today
I got a hot water bottle (Primark )
A pair of pjs (Primark )
A pair of footsie slippers (Primark and were in his niece size and also her fav cartoon character )
A benefit Mascara
Pandora charm

He said he couldn't get the perfume it was out of stock in boots /superdrug
It was lady million (and I've checked stock and it was in stock )
So I don't know feel a bit sad
I don't mean to be ungrateful
I think he has seen the price and though f that.

Trainers, hoodie and a Liverpool shirt. He sounds like a teen

How much did the Kylie tickets cost?

For lots people / women especially at this time of year - Presents represent thought
a crappy set of gifts or a list ignored feels thoughtless even if not intended that way

YANBU. He has not put any thought into it. The fact that your birthday is in December is irrelevant.

Tell him to return the slippers as they are not your size and give him a link to the ones you want instead.

And yes tell him no problem to give you the perfume when it’s back in stock (and you could also give a link to e.g. Boots.com where it’s currently in stock for a local click and collect on Thursday).

Personally I wouldn’t make a big deal of this but that’s just me. Sounds like you got plenty. I wouldn’t focus on it and would try and enjoy your day. Maybe you will get the perfume on sale after Xmas

I think it's the lack of thought. The equivalent would be you buying him an I heart Liverpool t-shirt from one of those tourist shops. Plus a bottle of Buckfast. And then telling him the actual football top was out of stock.

This is why it's horrible - and so transactional - to give someone a list of what you want. Presents should be freely chosen and given.
He bought lots of things for you, OP, and I'm sure most of them are fine. His heart is absolutely in the right place, which is all that matters.

Tell him to take all the primark items & Pandora back and put it towards Lady Million.

It depends if he did think f that, personally I think he gave you lovely presents- everyone knows comfies out of Primark/ pennys is the gift of a cosy night in, plus most people would love a Pandora charm

I'm prepared to be shot down in flames but giving someone a list doesn't mean they're obliged to get you everything on it.

Start his Christmas training today. It took me 30 years to get DH in the spirit of Christmas because his parents were grinches and congenitally mean. He got there in the end. Next year don't buy him more than he puts on his list.

I feel a bit different to you now but once was disappointed.

My advice?

Don't wait for other people to buy you nice things/what you want. If they make you happy, buy them as a reward or celebration.

What are the other ways that he understands and appreciates you? In the past year, what are the magic moments you've had that have involved him? Those emotions will last much longer than a bottle of perfume.

Happy birthday for yesterday.

So. you both need to have a good discussion about what is what. For eg: you could set a guideline price for birthday presents. So that you don't get that usual december birthday thing where people think they've already spent too much on you so you get what amounts to a joint present. What did he get for his birthday?

you set a guideline price for Christmas presents. You provide longer lists with the EXACT thing you want, with a range of prices. total spend is within 10-20 pounds of the agreed limit.

He KNOWS what a football shirt costs. Anyone who follows a team does. That is easily 100 quid (with name etc). And we all know what trainers cost. so he knows what you spent. Point out, clearly, the discrepancy and how it makes you feel. That it makes you feel as though he got what he wanted and you got 20 minutes worth of panic Primark buying (the slippers may have been a mistake? ask him about them)

And then he gets the choice: he steps up next week and buys you what you asked for. Or you take his gifts back and exchange them for a 20 minute run round Primark-type of gift.

there speaks someone with no december birthday. Give your head a wobble.

I think it's the lack of thought. The equivalent would be you buying him an I heart Liverpool t-shirt from one of those tourist shops. Plus a bottle of Buckfast. And then telling him the actual football top was out of stock.

oh god, take the gifts back and do this!

I worked with a young woman many years ago who had just moved in with her shiny new boyfriend. She was telling us about her first Christmas with him. She thought it was perfect. She'd bought and paid for and cooked all the food ( he was working Christmas eve, apparently, and went to the pub Christmas morning so he'd kindly not be in her way). She'd sourced thoughtful presents for him and wrapped them blah blah. He bought her a sweatshirt that he liked. She was tiny. He was large. It was a man's sweatshirt.....in his size. One of the older members of stuff said "Oh God, get rid love". She's still with him. They have 2 children.

I doubt a man like this provides many 'magic' moments.

I’ve just received a book that stinks and is falling apart. And a couple of items picked up in the supermarket yesterday. Child has bought me nothing and handed out gifts to everyone else. I’m upstairs having a little cry. Work full time. Bought all the food and gifts. I’ll now be up until midnight ferrying relative so can’t even have a drink. And my family calls me the grinch who doesn’t like Christmas. I wonder why…

Some people woke up with literally nothing and no home or family this morning, this woman is whinging and got Kylie tickets recently, she and you need to give your heads a wobble and stop being brats!

He has mistaken volume for quality. When you would have preferred just the perfume. Take something of his back and buy your perfume.

I don't buy this it's an expensive time because your birthday and Christmas are close together either. My DSs birthday is close to Christmas but it's not a surprise, it's the same date every year and I just budget for it.

It's a poor effort from him, the fact he got you Kylie tickets is irrelevant as it was for your birthday. The only thing would be if he didn't have much money but then you'd know that as you live together!

I don't exchange gifts at birthdays or Christmas for various reasons, so your advice is not relevant to me. However you'll note it doesn't stop me from being able to empathise with someone that does participate in exchanging gifts.

The tickets were for her birthday present. Which is separate to Christmas. I'm guessing she probably purchased something her partner wanted for his birthday, and if his expectations for football kit are anything to go by, it probably wasn't a cheap gift either. I'm also guessing that having a birthday close to Christmas can be a bit crap, because people tend to combine the two.

I've never understood the argument that because some people are worse off than you, it means you can't be disappointed or upset about anything unless it's literally life-ending. Life isn't supposed to be a race to the bottom. I can care about homelessness and loneliness whilst also sympathising with someone who is disappointed with their Christmas present - these things are not mutually exclusive.

Yes this! I get angry if he spends too much on me because I’m thinking ‘that could have been the new extractor fan, or the new kitchen sink etc’ 😝

@SanctusInDistress yep, our approach to presents for each other changed quite dramatically when we bought a wreck of a house 😆

Ha ha! There is something in what you say. Things could be worse. Feels like the start of a long shit day at the moment. Bloody hate christmas. Not bothering with gifts next year. No, scratch that, not bothering with the whole damn thing. That second hand, stinky book without all the pages has sent me over the edge.

I’m so sorry, that sounds awful and they sound oblivious/completely thoughtless.