Am I ungrateful to be disappointed with Christmas gift?

[chinahandsff]

I know this might sound ungrateful and I'm not but I just feel a bit meh
My partner and I been together 4 years.
Live together etc
We said we would write a list of a few nice gifts we wanted for Christmas and then we ended up with what we wanted with a couple of other bits
I put on a perfume and benefit makeup.
He put on liverpool shirt /trainers
I got him both (cost £200) then I got him hoodie /pjs and a bottle of whiskey.

I opened mine today
I got a hot water bottle (Primark )
A pair of pjs (Primark )
A pair of footsie slippers (Primark and were in his niece size and also her fav cartoon character )
A benefit Mascara
Pandora charm

He said he couldn't get the perfume it was out of stock in boots /superdrug
It was lady million (and I've checked stock and it was in stock )
So I don't know feel a bit sad
I don't mean to be ungrateful
I think he has seen the price and though f that.

No that's the point his heart wasn't in the right place. Buying shit is the exact opposite of thinking of the recipient

I'd be disappointed too OP. He's done a rattle around primark a cheap shop , be different if it was the white company . No thought or taste and you've obviously done well by him , buying what he asked for and nice extras .

The Kylie tickets are irrelevant. If OP’s birthday was in April and she got Kylie tickets, would people still be saying she shouldn’t expect a decent Christmas present? Do you only deserve nice birthday presents AND Christmas presents if your birthday isn’t in December?

Exactly. Why bother? You might as well skip the drama, take your 200 quid and spend it on yourself if this is the attitude.

I think you, and a lot of other posters, have forgotten what gift giving is all about. When did handing out lists of stuff you want become acceptable? A gift is something that should be thought about and given willingly otherwise it's not a gift at all, it's an obligation. How romantic.

I always wonder why there are so many men who think it's ok to do the bare minimum for their wives and children...and then I read a thread like this and realise there are women cheering these pathetic men on and telling women they should expect the bare minimum and be grateful for it!

Honestly OP, this is a really crap situation and I completely understand why you feel so upset. The Kylie tickets are completely irrelevant to the Christmas present situation. You need to talk to him and he needs to return all that tat he bought you and get you the one thing you actually wanted.

If he wanted to he would

Her birthday and Christmas are 2 separate days, it's not her fault she was born on Christmas Eve and not the 24th July.

Plus Kylie tickets went on sale months ago, it's not like he bought them this week.

And to make it worse it was 3 for 2 in boots so he could 1 thing free

I agree and disagree (confusingly!).

The 'here's my list' thing has always struck me as a bit pointless, and it's one of the reasons I stopped doing gifts. It made more sense for everyone to use their money to buy themselves what they wanted!

However I do understand the logic of being specific so that you get what you want, the giver knows they are not wasting their money on something you won't like which will end up in a charity shop or landfill, and therefore it's a win for everyone.

I stopped doing 'scheduled' gifts a few years ago. But because I like the surprise-thought element, they get occasional presents from me at random times of year, and the reason for the gift is nothing more than I saw this and thought of you. Family still do birthday and Christmas gift exchanges with each other. I'll get something very occasionally but they don't go out of their way - everyone's happy.

I'd guess OP and her partner are quite young, and there is nothing wring with lists.
OP really wanted the scent, she should have specifically asked for it.

It's fine to do that, rather than ending up with a load of tat you don't actually want or need.

A pair of cartoon slippers in the wrong size would be annoying if you'd spend a lot {£200} on a partner.

Ooft, that’s shit op, I’m sorry. A sweep of Primark with no real thought just shows so little care. I’d defo be having a word (about the thoughtlessness rather than the actual ‘gifts’), and asking when I’m getting the perfume, frankly.
We always decide a budget, and a list of things, so we both get around the same value and it’s things we like - I’d be really upset about his lack of thought here.

A gift is something that should be thought about and given willingly otherwise it's not a gift at all, it's an obligation.

I agree.

So, let's have a look at OPs recent gifts

Kylie - he didn't think about it, just transferred money - so NOT A GIFT

I got a hot water bottle (Primark ) - does OP use hot water bottles? Does she need one? Did he think about it and decide she'd love a hot water bottle?

A pair of pjs (Primark ) - did op eed pjs? Does she get her PJ's in Primark usually? Did he look at ones she already had and bought similar?
Or were they just grabbed in a quick trip to Primark?

A pair of footsie slippers (Primark and were in his niece size and also her fav cartoon character) - these were obviously for his niece.. no though if OP would like them or need them.

A benefit Mascara - a tiny little mascara, not two or three or a set.. just one.. does OP need a mascara? I rarely wear make up but even I have like 10.. did he look at the shades and such on her kit and buy one that was missing or one that she's mentioned she loves?

Pandora charm - does OP collect pandora charms? Does she have the bracelet? Did he look through her collection and purchase one that goes well?

...
You see, there is a difference.

If ops partner knew she loves Primark Pjs and that she mentioned in September she could do with some new ones and he got some for Christmas.. that's different to OPs partner going to Primark on a lunch break (and what's the bet he works near a Primark?) and him grabbing whatever..
"Women like pjs and hot water bottles.. yeah, I'll get them.. which ones? Erm.. they'll do, it's pink, girls like pink..." < Thats the thought process right there.. followed by,
"Shit I ain't got her much... Where's them slippers I got for niece? They'll do, I'll give her them as well.. that'll do, fuck it."

Is this your first Christmas together?

If so, I think it’s worth having a chat about expectations and budget moving forward.
If not, has he been like other Christmases? If it’s always like this, seems a bit unfair to suddenly have an issue with his gift giving. You shouldn’t have spent so much if this is his standard level of effort.

By no means do you have to put up with his lack of effort, but it seems unreasonable to have an issue with it this year if this is the norm.

No matter how lowdown and shitty a man is, there is always a woman who will service them. So where is the incentive to do better?

One of the many reasons I left my ex was because of his lack of effort at Christmas time and birthdays, Happy to accept the gifts, but not happy to put the effort in. Eventually I put in the same effort as him and spent the rest on myself.

You need to speak to him and see how he responds. It will be telling.

or you have years of this.

I'd be disappointed too, at the complete lack of thought coupled with lack of generosity. I would be having a good think about what this means for your relationship, tbh.

Always agree a budget. Then no one is disappointed or spends far more than the others.

Yabu. He could have tried harder.

My mother's stock response is like many of the posters on here. " Well I expect nothing and then if I get something ( anything) that's a bonus".As a result my brothers have always treated her like shit. They are the golden children in her eyes so , like others on here' she has to find a way of justifying their half hearted shite. Trouble is that it bleeds out to their treatment of others in the family.

His Christmas shopping was done on Saturday morning
He had a hour off work
He literally ran around town
Anyway it is what it is
Il know for next year
This is our 4th Christmas together this year

He will not change. Raise the bar

I said this on another thread, he has a device in his pocket, he could have pulled it out and spent 120seconds on Amazon.
He didn't.

You're not worth 2 minutes of his time.

Let that sink in. And really contemplate it when he's sniffing for a shag next,
or wants you to cook his meals,
clean his clothes,
clean his home..
You're his mum now.

Exactly.

If you’re still with him next Christmas, accidentally buy Manchester United stuff , see how he likes that . Have a lovely Christmas op.

What is he usually like with gifts? Does he normally get you good stuff and this is a one off? I spent about £600 on my DH and I know he will have only got me something small and not expensive. But I am honestly not bothered, he’s not good at gifts and I don’t need anything as I buy whatever I want when I want. I earn a lot more than him and he helps me out with my work all the time on top of his own full time job. I always know not to expect much from him gift wise, I’d be upset though if I thought I was getting something I wanted and then didn’t.