Am I ungrateful to be disappointed with Christmas gift?

[chinahandsff]

I know this might sound ungrateful and I'm not but I just feel a bit meh
My partner and I been together 4 years.
Live together etc
We said we would write a list of a few nice gifts we wanted for Christmas and then we ended up with what we wanted with a couple of other bits
I put on a perfume and benefit makeup.
He put on liverpool shirt /trainers
I got him both (cost £200) then I got him hoodie /pjs and a bottle of whiskey.

I opened mine today
I got a hot water bottle (Primark )
A pair of pjs (Primark )
A pair of footsie slippers (Primark and were in his niece size and also her fav cartoon character )
A benefit Mascara
Pandora charm

He said he couldn't get the perfume it was out of stock in boots /superdrug
It was lady million (and I've checked stock and it was in stock )
So I don't know feel a bit sad
I don't mean to be ungrateful
I think he has seen the price and though f that.

Yeah. He always says he will make it up to me but he doesn't. I shouldn't complain really. He is a brilliant guy in every other aspect but just shit at gift giving. I suppose nobody's perfect lol

No, you don't sound ungrateful at all. He possibly assumes that it's a case of picking one thing from the list, so that's the way to go with his list too. Buy yourself something you really want, meanwhile, with what you would usually spend on him.

I’m not saying she should marry him ( the opposite) but if he’s not proposed after 4 years and he’s giving shit gifts, being stingy etc it’s often because of a lack of interest/ place-marker girlfriend type situation.

the Fallacy of Relative Privation isn't the flex you think it is.

Within a relationship there should be reciprocity and they should be on the same wavelength.

Kylie was for her birthday - which was yesterday. Christmas babies/kids/birthdays always get shite from idiots who think they should be grateful that people even remember they exist at this time. OP was clear he bought them ages ago, so like a normal birthday gift at any other time of year. He is showing her what he thinks of her: nothing (also Tickets. I assume he is planning to go to. If OP has any sense she'll take a friend)

I'm a grown woman now but I've never had a birthday cake
I've never had birthday wrapping paper (even off parents )
No birthday banners etc as it's Christmas
Which in the grand scale of life issues is nothing

I'm lucky I have my health
Have a decent life ,nice holidays etc
And I know I might sound ungrateful etc to some
I am grateful for Kylie tickets but I know he will of wasted money on his gambling before he even went shopping
I'm going to the sales with my friend tomorrow so will pop in boots and see if the gift set is reduced

just to satisfy the pps with an extremely low bar: what did you get him for his birthday?

having read your other posts: make this the last Christmas with him and find someone who shares the same outlook on life. Tell him clearly why. (and ask him if he mixed up the slippers with one of your other gifts)

if you do that you need to find a self-help book about finding your self respect.

If you do that, my sympathy will be limited.

Gambling?! WTF?

Seriously this man is no good. Please raise your standards and dump him.

But he didn’t spend £100s a few days later did he?
he transferred the money for the tickets to the OP months ago. That money for her birthday was spent well before Christmas.

once again because you seem to lack the ability to understand this:

• He listed expensive items he wanted for Christmas
• OP did the same, to roughly the same value
• OP bought extra things she knew he’d enjoy
• he went to the cheapest shop around and bought items that had nothing to do with what the OP asked for
• those items were clearly meant for his niece first
• he lied that he didn’t get her the perfume because it was out of stock (it’s not)

so while love isn’t based on how much you spend, it is based on showing you care and can choose presents that are intended to bring joy to the recipient. Where in the above list do you think he has done that?

I do understand that but age definitely plays a part in that.
This is my 4th Christmas with my OH and we are married. But we met in our 30s. I have friends who were together 10 years before they got engaged because they met as teens.

4 years together when you meet at 17 is very different to 4 years when you meet at 25.

No @chinahandsff , it isn't 'nothing'. You deserve birthday paper, you deserve a cake and you deserve a Birth Day. Your partner should want to celebrate you on your birthday. Even after 25yrs of marriage (and we're not in a brilliant place right now), my husband and I still buy for each other. It's about respect between us even if not gushy love.

Your partner sounds worse and worse.

I hope you're taking a friend and not him otherwise he's only bought you half a gift for your birthday.

Oh I agree. Op doesn’t sound like she’s 17 though. How old are you op?

He had a bit of a crap childhood and rubbish Christmas memories so I try to make up for it in his adult life. That's why I buy him extra stuff. I actually did cut back this year. I was going to get him more things that I knew he'd love but decided to wait til his birthday for them. It's in Feb. So is mine. Wonder what I will get! Lol

I think I'd be upset at Primark stuff, hardly special is it.

@Pyjamatimenow I'm 32

Find the perfume online, present the screen to him and ask him to pay for it as it is in stock. Say you don’t mind waiting. Xx

Too old for this bullshit and wasting your life on a no hoper. Expect more from men and life!

He did get things that were on her list.

He said he couldn’t get one thing which was the perfume because it was out of stock.
It is not out of stock now but it is conceivable that it was out of stock when he checked.
So he got her other bits to make up for not getting the perfume.

If you want something specific then why not just get them yourself.
Then ask your partner to get whatever up to a certain value.

It seems odd that people write a list and expect people to get them exactly what’s on the list.

What is even the point of gift giving then, as that’s less thoughtful than going in and picking up something random.

How does telling someone to get you X and they get it bring someone joy, even though you’ve literally told them to get it.
There’s absolutely no thought or effort put into it.

Couldn’t agree with this more.

I can confidently say that you can do much better than this.

Just bin this useless specimen

Honestly raise your bar higher. He can’t be bothered to get you a thoughtful gift so please don’t make excuses for him

How does telling someone to get you X and they get it bring someone joy, even though you’ve literally told them to get it.
There’s absolutely no thought or effort put into it.

Imagine giving someone a list of things you actually want, you actually look forward to getting the things you've asked for. It's not a surprise, no, but it's something you.really look forward to owning.
(Have ever booked a holiday? That's not a surprise either, but you look forward to it right?)

Then the day comes.
You sit down.
You can't wait to open the wrapper on the box that contains the thing you really really wanted... And instead of it being something you were excited to get, something you wanted, something you really looked forward too...
It's a pair of slipper a size too small with My Little Pony emblazoned in them, something you've not watched for 20+ years..

I wouldn't be rolling my eyes, tutting, saying thanks... I'd be Shoving them up his arse gently and calmly vocalising my displeasure (sentence slightly edited to avoid moderation.)

I think they're lovely presents.

That’s great… they aren’t what the OP wanted or asked for.