Am I ungrateful to be disappointed with Christmas gift?

[chinahandsff]

I know this might sound ungrateful and I'm not but I just feel a bit meh
My partner and I been together 4 years.
Live together etc
We said we would write a list of a few nice gifts we wanted for Christmas and then we ended up with what we wanted with a couple of other bits
I put on a perfume and benefit makeup.
He put on liverpool shirt /trainers
I got him both (cost £200) then I got him hoodie /pjs and a bottle of whiskey.

I opened mine today
I got a hot water bottle (Primark )
A pair of pjs (Primark )
A pair of footsie slippers (Primark and were in his niece size and also her fav cartoon character )
A benefit Mascara
Pandora charm

He said he couldn't get the perfume it was out of stock in boots /superdrug
It was lady million (and I've checked stock and it was in stock )
So I don't know feel a bit sad
I don't mean to be ungrateful
I think he has seen the price and though f that.

I feel your pain OP! DP and I've been together for 17 years. I bought him a number of things I thought he would like including a biography of Zelenskyy (he is a huge fan of his), a Sherlock Holmes game we can play (DP is a fan of SH too) a Moleskin diary and notebook and some new heattech type gloves. I got a CD and LP (both the same!) and his reply was he hadn't the money to buy anything else (but still had enough to send generous cash gifts to his son and ex DiL and two adult grandchildren. Feeling quite flat today as we are on our own while my DD's are spending Xmas with their respective partners families.

I think you are missing the point. Whether or not YOU think it’s transactional is irrelevant. This is what OP and her husband agreed to do, and he failed to do. It’s a bait and switch. And yes yes, it’s the thought that counts, and a gift should be given willingly, not be an obligation etc etc etc - so surely she still has a reason to be feel unhappy - because he doesn’t willingly want to make his wife happy or lovingly gift her a thoughtful present.

Gifts aren't about the money, it's the thought. @chinahandsff DP put no thought in, no planning, no shopping early, just one hour at the last minute and she'd have to make do.
Too many women put up with this but still buy lovely things for others, being female doesn't mean you should be at the bottom of the list

I would make it the last. He's showing you who he is. Pay attention

We are having a night away Friday but we are going half's
Then he has cheek to say I can use my birthday gift card my friend got me towards the meal 🤣

I've been with my husband 17 years and this happens every year. I gave him a list this year and I got 1 thing from it as well as a book I showed interest in a couple of days ago. Whereas I got him a few things on his list and some extras. I always have the smallest pile of stuff that doesn't cost very much. So yes, I sound ungrateful, but I completely understand how you feel.

I’m a bit upset with my gift from my parents. A bottle of gin (I don’t drink) and some milk chocolates (I hate milk chocolate) whereas my siblings all got £100??

Hmmm lol 😂

Are you perhaps asking the wrong question? 4 years. Why aren’t you engaged? In my experience men gift you how they see you. Sounds like he’s not arsed.

In the bin. He’s not for you. Raise the bar

I agree that he simply can't be bothered. It takes minutes to order something online for delivery.

Honestly after 4yrs I'd have a word with him and for next year, I'd provide him with a list to buy from (and agree the amount you are both going to spend). If it still didn't work out then I'd probably be looking to end it on the basis that it isn't difficult to pick from a list and spend £x. It shows a complete lack of respect when someone you propose to love says this is important to them and you still can't give up 30mins of your evening to buy stuff online.

Edited for typos

@PiperLeo Sorry, that sounds shit. Does he notice when you have a smaller pile of presents, and the unequal values?

He just went round Primark without care or effort. I would hate a hot water bottle, would never use it, never mind cheap pyjamas and socks. It would have been so easy to get the perfume and the Benefit items.
No thought or effort on his part.

For the love of God WAKE UP.

I’m not sure being engaged to him would improve the situation. Sounds like the OP needs to get rid. Marrying him wouldn’t make him suddenly show more thought.
If anything, he’d buy a cheap engagement ring and dine out on that all year

I’m not sure wasting another year on him is what I would suggest.
Unless this is really out of the norm for him (and it doesn’t sound like that’s the case), I’d say 4 years is plenty of time to give him a chance

Well I got the grand total of fuck all, after nursing dps (of twenty years!) mum for the best part of three months.

So you're quite lucky.

Saying that take his bank card and treat yourself.

Have you spoken to him about his stinginess and lack of thought?

If it’s important to you, and he’s otherwise great, just lower what you get him next year and buy yourself a really nice treat.

We are very sporadic with what we get, some years lots more is spent on me and other years lots more on him, and neither of us cares.

He may not have expected you to buy both things from his list though, in the same way way he chose something from yours? I would see a list as ideas/a starting point. If it was a prescriptive ‘buy exactly this’, you may as well just each buy for yourselves and save the hassle.

Sorry to hear this OP.

I'd cry if my husband done this. It's the principle.

Knowing what I know now, after 3 kids and also including the life experiences of my close friends in our late 30's - I'd seriously consider if this is the man you want to settle down with. If you're hurt now after 4 years... you're setting yourself up for a lifetime of it.

It sounds like you have a lot to give and you need someone to match your energy and values.

Sounds like he realised he had you a load of crap and gave you his niece's present as well. So thoughtless.

I got a chopping board! A fuxking chopping board! Granted it has a pretty print in it but FFS! And it’s glass and I can’t stand the sound of chopping on glass! Some new mixer attachments for my kitchen aid which didn’t arrive in time and a necklace which is not the one I have been talking about for months…. Just a random necklace!

What is wrong with these people!? 🙄

Yanbu it's a bunch of tat and wasted money just for the sake of getting something convenient. The perfume alone would have been received better.

This is something I HATE about Christmas - landfill items flying off the shelves. Much better one longed for gift over crap crap crap.

He does not value you and puts in little effort and spends as little as possible on you.

This is as good as it gets. Get rid of him.