Am I ungrateful to be disappointed with Christmas gift?

[chinahandsff]

I know this might sound ungrateful and I'm not but I just feel a bit meh
My partner and I been together 4 years.
Live together etc
We said we would write a list of a few nice gifts we wanted for Christmas and then we ended up with what we wanted with a couple of other bits
I put on a perfume and benefit makeup.
He put on liverpool shirt /trainers
I got him both (cost £200) then I got him hoodie /pjs and a bottle of whiskey.

I opened mine today
I got a hot water bottle (Primark )
A pair of pjs (Primark )
A pair of footsie slippers (Primark and were in his niece size and also her fav cartoon character )
A benefit Mascara
Pandora charm

He said he couldn't get the perfume it was out of stock in boots /superdrug
It was lady million (and I've checked stock and it was in stock )
So I don't know feel a bit sad
I don't mean to be ungrateful
I think he has seen the price and though f that.

Today I have to go around a few family members
My partner has a car
He dropped me off this morning but the next 3 lifts I need I'm having to get Ubers £50 altogether
He has had a drink and chose to have a drink knowing I needed a lift
I thought this was selfish
Or am I just annoyed because of the present situation?

It's not the quality of the gifts that's wrong here, it's the lying about the perfume being out of stock. I'd have more respect for a man who said that he didn't buy it because he thought it was too expensive.

I’m not sure on this one. £50 is a lot on Ubers but I wouldn’t want to spend my Christmas Day being taxi driver for someone else.
Is there a reason he isn’t visiting these people with you?

Unless these are all dying relatives who can’t possibly leave the house to visit you (and you couldn’t possibly visit on another day), I think you might be being unreasonable about the lifts thing

You. Need. To. Leave.

Seriously, this is fucking outrageous.
You should be absolutely fucking raging with fury, not posting on here. The thought of even looking at him should make you physically sick to your stomach.

There's Men out there that would treat you a billion times better than this chump.
I don't know what's gone on in your life that you value yourself so lowly OP, I feel for you, I really do.

I hope you kick this ass hole out and move onward and upward to better things in the future.
❤️❤️

Not sure why you would arrange a Xmas Day that involves seeing three sets of people when you don't drive and there's no public transport. I would either have dropped presents off before Christmas or after and just spent Christmas Day in one place.

And if you did choose to do that, then, as your boyfriend I wouldn't appreciate taxiing you around. I barely drink most of the year but on Christmas Day I am quite happy to have an aperitif at noon. Or even a champagne breakfast.

Do the relatives you have seen today make you feel obligated to see them on Christmas Day? Is it a theme that the people around you don't treat you as well as they should?

He is otherwise brilliant and it’s been a really tough year and this was just an absolute brain fart in his part! I’ll buy myself something from the joint account instead! 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Expecting a lift on Christmas Day is unreasonable but so is his present giving.
Having said which, I gave DH a joke gift, a couple of boring staples and something I knew he would really like- he gave me nothing as he couldn’t think of any to get 😂

Happy birthday for yesterday OP.

It was my birthday too and you deserve a fuss made of you. DH manages to get me a cake, he put up a banner, lovely presents etc. I think he's always been super aware of how it can get overshadowed by Christmas and has made sure it doesn't.

I hope you find better

She wrote in the OP:
I put on a perfume and benefit makeup.

She actually got:
I got a hot water bottle (Primark )
A pair of pjs (Primark )
A pair of footsie slippers (Primark and were in his niece size and also her fav cartoon character )
A benefit Mascara
Pandora charm

The only item in that list from her idea list was the mascara. Everything else was just a waste of money. Woohoo he achieved one thing. The least appealing item from benefit when he could quite easily have bought any number of gift sets they sell.

there is also no way what the perfume was completely out of stock everywhere. But he’d have been able to find another bottle or even order it online if he’d put more effort into her gift buying than 1 hour on the 23rd

Good for you. The OP doesn't it's pretty irrelevant whether you would like them or not

Yes I think this too.
Do you like the Pandora charm?

This isn’t selfish, it’s Christmas Day, it’s more selfish to expect someone to not have a drink if they’d like to and spend their time being taxi taking you around to visit family.

Return one of the gifts you gave him and then go and buy the perfume you want. Tell him you're just redressing his skinflint balance.

Ok relax

I do so empathise. Having endured decades of disappointment because people can't be arst to put any thought behind their abysmal offerings I've "grown a pair" and coupled with retirement, I bit the bullet and "agreed" with family and friends to stop exchanging gifts. Over the years, obviously the charity shops benefited, but it doesn't detract from the fact that while I've watched & observed likes/needs/dislikes other's can't be bothered to put much thought behind mine! eg giving me a massive box of Ferero Roche chocolates despite knowing of my nut allergy!!

There are a few things you’ve said that I see as massive red flags, the leaving the shopping until the last minute, just do it online it’s easier; the gambling - big concern is that why he bought cheaper presents?, the fact he doesn’t want to help you out or see your family with you. Also unless it’s medical I would def learn to drive then you don’t have to rely on others.

i had candles before xmas but nothinging xmas day so yesterday ordered myself things online paid with my pension so truthfully glad xmas was over and son and children didnt see so not the best ive had

It was cheeky of him to put such expensive items on his list then spend way less on you. Mascara was probably the cheapest benefit item available, I would have expected a gift set especially given that he didn't get the perfume. I would just tell him that the perfume is back in stock and let him get it for you, but I would be disappointed.

He was unreasonable about your presents but you shouldn't have arranged to visit several sets of relatives without a car on Christmas Day without agreeing to the lifts with your partner in advance.

Sometimes we do get disappointing pressies. We have a sulk then suck it up and get what we wanted ourselves.
I have now resorted to making a list - knowing it will be skim read and translated to mean just get whatever is handy when you go shopping even if it is unwanted.
I then wait and get my own gifts and make a big deal out of my shopping trip.
Not the same but I never disappoint myself!!!😂

Either take charge, send him links remind him etc or accept shit gifts. IME he’s not going to change. Is this a deal breaker for you?

I can see why you’re annoyed he didn’t get you what you like. But expecting him to be your personal chauffeur is unreasonable. Just because he drives doesn’t mean he can be at your beck and call.

This ^

Not the point of the thread but M&S's Warm Neroli perfume is a good dupe of Lady Million for £10. Save yourself (or him) nearly 100 quid!