Not getting DD the one thing she's asked for for Christmas

[FrankSinatrasLoveChild]

I can't kick the guilt.

DD is 15, and has begged for an iPhone. She has a fairly decent android, and we're all on Android in the family. I have no clue about iPhones. I still have quite a lot of blocks and controls on her phone (a source of much tension), and wouldn't know how to maintain those on iPhone. Her reason for wanting an iPhone? The cameras on iPhones are so much more "compatible with social media" (i.e. - I assume? make you look better). It just doesn't sit right with me.

I've got her some clothes and make-up (she's really picky, though, so not a massive amount), and am going to give her some money to buy herself a new pair of trainers.

I've warned her she's not getting what she's asked for, but I know she's still hoping.

I just feel really bad about it. I'm not wrong, am I...?

Giving in to kids is not good parenting. Stick to your guns.

I would’ve got what she wanted personally my eldest has said that she doesn’t want anything and she just wants me to save the cash for her which isn’t happening because she’ll get the cash anyway. I’m not having her sat there on Christmas morning with nothing to open. You’re never too old for a nice present if a parent can make it happen.

Please don't cave. It's not a good lesson for kids, you've told her no so stick to it. Also

• Cameras on many androids are way better than Iphones. I have a Samsung S23 and all the reviews were loads better than the comparable Iphones. Before that I had an LG and a Google Pixel and both came out in independent reviews at the time as having better cameras than Apple products. As for social media, even if its true about Iphones being "better" (which I doubt) why do you want to encourage her to be posting even more stuff online?
• No, of course all her friends don't have Iphones. The "everyone has one/is doing it/iI'm the only one left out" is the universal argument children since time immemorial!You must have tried that on your own parents as a kid? And its never true. My net is someone she either admires or is desperate to be friends with has an Iphone and she's being a typical teenager to want to be the same.
• You are right learning a different operating system is a total headache. I have always been an android person but had a Iphone for work and it used to drive me mental swapping between the two. I hated that IPhone.
• If she really wants one that badly, she can save up her Xmas and birthday money and buy it herself. What's the bet she won't. She only wants it if YOU pay for it. Don't be a mug.

We are a family of 5 adults. 2 of us have iPhones; the other 3 have always had android and have scoffed at the 2 of us that love Apple products.

However, 1 dc has recently switched from android to an iPhone - out of curiosity as he's quite techy. His verdict is that there's little to choose between the two and there are advantages/disadvantages with each. However, he doesn't think the camera on his iPhone is quite as good as it was on his previous android. Of course it depends what type of android phone you have - though he always had quite a decent one.

Personally however, I'd have given in and got her the iPhone.

Of course this is your decision, but if it was me I would’ve got her it. I personally have had both android and apple products, and even just having the iMessage feature as opposed to having to text on an android is a bonus. Emojis (which teens use constantly!) are different on each phone, and camera I feel is much better. The majority of teens I see (in my area at least) have iPhones and very very few do have an android.
I think if you do get it she’ll be extremely thankful!

This isn’t to the OP, but to all the posters who are saying don’t cave in, don’t her the one thing she asked for, that it is bad parenting.

I have heard that Christmas is about giving and generosity and miracles of getting what you’d really like, wish upon a star and all that. That’s what all adverts and films say anyway, I’m not Christian so that’s all I have to go by.

But anyway is it a good lesson to tell kids this that it’s this special day and if they are good they can have at least one thing they want and then go ah hah! No Christmas is about being disappointed. It’s about telling me the one thing you want so I can purposely not get it and buy you a bunch of tat you didn’t ask for and likely do not want but expect you to still act grateful and thankful. Is that the real lesson of Christmas? To learn no point telling your own parents what you would really really like because they’re just going to dismiss it, buy something else and then tell you how shit the thing you wanted is, and you thankfully know better and have bought them what they should have wanted.

But again. I’m not a Christian. Maybe it is a part of Christmas?

Backmarket.co.uk are good for second hand phones. 12 months warranty too.

I guarantee you she wants it because her friends have one. Unless she's expecting to get the newest model, the camera isn't that great. I wouldn't be buying the newest version of any phone for a 15year old.
So it will just be the iPhone to iPhone functions she wants.

We've always been an android household. In more recent years we've moved over to the pixel. That's a camera worth having. However my 17 year old wanted an iPhone as his GF has one. He's now at an age where he can pay for it himself so can pick what he wants. It was always a conversation we've had. Whilst I pay for the phone, I will give you a choice which model you can have. This is for parental control reasons.

YANBU.

She can have an iPhone when she's old enough to pay for it herself.

@LoremIpsumCici - for the vast majority of people Xmas has nothing at all to do with Christianity. It's all about rampant consumerism!

My teens have very old iPhones and I’ve bought them each a much better model but refurbished ones for Christmas (I refuse to buy new!) They are immaculate and I’m hoping they will be really pleased. How about buying her a cheaper refurb one as a compromise?

If your only reason for not getting an iPhone is it doesn't sit right with you (the cameras are better but there are androids with good cameras too) I'm surprised you just landed on clothes and makeup instead? A different or new android phone could have been half the cost of an iPhone but nearly as good camera wise and she would have got a big present in the realms of what she asked for.

I don't think there is anything particularly wrong with her not getting what she asked for, but your reasonings are odd and your alternative presents are very, very different to what she wanted. You could have got a camera that connects to her phone, I think they do cameras geared towards social media that are easy to connect up. That and a ring light for her to get good lighting for photos would have been a good alternative rather than no big present.

She's 15 so you don't have many years left of "big presents", that's part of why I think you've been a little unreasonable here. It also doesn't look like you put much thought into it. It's not a huge deal, but I do think you could've done more geared towards what she actually wanted.

Absolutely this 💯
We all (almsot apart from my nearly 15 year old son who saved up for his iPhone) have Samsung phones and most people who have them all say that the photo quality is way better than in new iPhone. My son agrees.
He just wanted an iPhone because all of his friends have it and apparently he was being teased for having an android (Samsung).

@FrankSinatrasLoveChild but if you've told her she's not having one, don't then backtrack. Just because all her friends have them is the argument that all teens/children use to get things. iphones are extortionate and androids are fine. If she wants to limit social media use herself then getting her a phone that takes better photos for social media is a weird argument to make.

I'm intrigued - how can you 'easily tell' when an android user uploads to instagram? At least half the world uses android, when I'm on insta I don't see any difference between people's photos that would indicate what phone they used to take them!

I totally agree. OP has got stuff she didn't ask for but no doubt will be upset and calling her daughter ungrateful on Christmas when she's disappointed. There were many other options for presents that were in the realms of what she asked for, different model, android but better, a proper camera, a Polaroid that connects to your phone, a mini phone printer, a ring light and digital camera with connecting bits for the phone, a second hand iPhone, so on. Asking your kid what they want and then not getting it because "doesn't sit right with me" is strange reasoning.

OP could have said immediately to daughter, sorry babe but it wouldn't be compatible with my parental controls and I'm not sure it'll be safe but let's compromise - anything else that you fancy? How about a different phone but we find one with the best camera for socials? I don't know, feels half arsed from OP and I can sense "you're so ungrateful" coming when daughter is let down. On the fence about this one tbh.

If you could afford it, then not wanting to educate yourself with a bit of a google on how to put the parental controls on there (and it won't be THAT different) is a bit of a cop out.

iPhones are more safe, I assume, than android because Apple’s operating system is generally more restrictive and safety-focused whereas Android’s operating system is generally more open and experimental/cutting edge.

For example you can use multiple app stores on Android, whereas Apple only allows theirs to be used. This means if you were trying to restrict what kind of apps she can use, you have one place to do so with Apple - whereas with android you may need to consider multiple apps, side loading etc.

Apple does have good parental controls in any case.

Also iPhones do generally excel in cameras but it’s hard to generalise here as there are so many phones at different price points. When people speak about phone cameras they are generally referring to the most expensive/premium models - so if you’re thinking to get your daughter and older or less premium phone then remember the camera won’t be as incredible as she is assuming it is.

Apple’s camera interface and integration with other apps may make social media more accessible on iPhone but I’m sure it’s not that different to Android.

It shocks me you can’t see the difference 😂

1. emojis are different
2. fonts are different
3. it completely takes away the quality of a photo similar on apps like tiktok

Spec wise androids are better
All other ways iPhone is better, it looks nicer, is more user friendly and they dominate the market. This means iOS is always prioritised in app building, more time is spent on it because more money can be gained through the OS. I develop apps so have first hand experience.

You're not being unreasonable. The newer iPhones have great cameras, the old ones (ie mine) don't! DH's is great, mine is pretty shoddy in comparison (an SE). The DCs (20s) have SEs too but they aren't asking for new ones currently.
If you don't want to buy her a new iPhone, then don't. You are the parent after all and she's only 15. Maybe for her 16th birthday as a 'compromise'.

I don't think iPhone cameras are better, but I silently judge android users for some reason... 😂
We're a iphone family. Currently all on SIM-only deals with our utilities provider so only about £10 per month each for unlimited data. DS (12) uses an old iphone of mine. He won't be getting a new one until he can pay himself.

It's probably because her friends have one, but I think that's too young to be posting filtered selfies on socials, yanbu

Personally I would have got her one.

I don't really think this is yabu or yanbu. It's a personal choice based on a number of things. Whether you can afford it, whether she looks after her phone etc.

But personally I would and have bought iPhones for my teenager. It doesn't have to be the latest one and they can even be bought refurbished.

I might also be biased because I despise Samsung phones.

I think that in general phones are good value for money when you consider how much they get used.

Apple's parental controls are rubbish, totally unreliable.