Not getting DD the one thing she's asked for for Christmas

[FrankSinatrasLoveChild]

I can't kick the guilt.

DD is 15, and has begged for an iPhone. She has a fairly decent android, and we're all on Android in the family. I have no clue about iPhones. I still have quite a lot of blocks and controls on her phone (a source of much tension), and wouldn't know how to maintain those on iPhone. Her reason for wanting an iPhone? The cameras on iPhones are so much more "compatible with social media" (i.e. - I assume? make you look better). It just doesn't sit right with me.

I've got her some clothes and make-up (she's really picky, though, so not a massive amount), and am going to give her some money to buy herself a new pair of trainers.

I've warned her she's not getting what she's asked for, but I know she's still hoping.

I just feel really bad about it. I'm not wrong, am I...?

I talked about changing to iPhone from android for a while and my DH tried to put me off, claiming it would be difficult to learn how to use it. Consequently,when the time came to replace my android I bought an iPhone. I was early 50s then and not overly tech-minded, but it was relatively straightforward and I enjoyed all the new benefits of the phone. I’m sure your 15 yr old would have no problem. Perhaps, suggest replacing her android when her contract ends/she needs a new phone. In the meantime, check out the prices on refurbs if cost is an issue. All my iPhones have been refurbished and much cheaper than new, plus-the advantage of not being tied into a contract forever.

I have an android phone as it makes my monthly contract alot cheaper. The camera is perfectly fine I post photos on fb , the quality is good.
She is just been entitled

What a terrible reply.

Did the goats require parental control ?

?

Hello everyone, and merry Boxing day.

Just wanted to say thank you to everyone on this thread. It was hugely helpful, and I appreciated all the different perspectives.

So, with the help of all your responses I had a really good chat with DD on Xmas eve morning, and we talked about camera quality and complexity of switching Android to Apple and back again (which I believe is harder). Anyway, I found a very good deal on an android which is specifically recommended for the videos she wants to make, and (unknown to her) I got her that and a pretty phone case. She was really chuffed. She's also said she'll get a job when she turns 16 and can decide herself whether to shift to Apple then. And that she wants to spend less time on her phone, and that discussing them with me has cemented that. So all in all, a successful outcome - which this thread helped with with enormously.

Thank you all x

I also realised that while her old phone was fine, it really DID have a bit of a shite camera.

And she has sworn she will not take the case off this one, so it stays pristine.

I've been frankly astonished by how mature she's being 😂

Good result
Teens really aren’t the monsters the media portray them to be. They just need our time…….

What extra benefits do you find with an iphone compared to an android.

We have always had android and didn't really like Samsung, but our last few phones have been pixels and I can't fault them.

Hmmm, without sounding negative this was a really disappointing update OP, if you were going to buy her a new phone anyway why not buy her the one she wanted even refurbished seems like you done it just so you can still control the phone

To be honest, it doesn’t matter if you’re disappointed. OP has found a way forward which has made her happy and made DD happy. Seems a good resolution to me.

Absolutely not!!!!. Parents reasons for not getting iphone are perfectly justifiable. Iphone cameras are no better than some android phones.
Daughter will be wanting an iphone as it uses different operating platform from parents android and harder for parent to implement safe guards.
Until daughter is 16 minimum, parent has every right to say which phone the daughter has, especially when parent is paying for it.

Great outcome OP.

We’ve got an S23 Android and an IPhone 13.

The Android is far better to operate and the photos are definitely a higher quality.

IPhones are a fashion accessory and kids very understandably want to be in the ‘in’ crowd.

When you’re watching TV, checkout how many of the actors use an Android. The answer is NONE. Ever.

Hell no unless she was 18 and working she can get it herself i dont have an i phone why would i get a 15 year old one

It really isn't. Actually talking to your kids, understanding where they're coming from, them understanding where you're coming from and finding a solution everyone is actually happy with ,is a great outcome!

And a merry Christmas to you too!
🙄

Got my DD an I phone a couple of years ago. Worst thing I've ever bought her. I think that the toxicity of social media will get to them anyway on any smartphone whether I phone or not. Also personally I don't rate I phones and the accessories and repairs are crazy expensive.

It's not really about that. I have a Pixel with a great camera and my kids wouldn't be seen dead. It's just that iPhones are seen as cooler and more for young people, it's as simple as that.

And that is an entirely reasonable thing for a parent to do.

The stated reason for wanting an iPhone doesn't actually add up (and I use iPhones myself). There are certainly crappy android cameras, but equally there are superb android cameras that knock iPhone out of the ball park.

You can absolutely get a much better camera for considerably less money if you go with android (Samsung in particular)

I'm not particularly interested in the camera, and my allegiance to the iPhone is more around familiarity with it, and the huge amount of stuff I have in iCloud. If I was starting from scratch, I would probably pick android, but Apple has me captive.

What that tells me is that it is quite difficult to justify a migration from Android to iPhone. Migration pain, learning how a different OS works, and the cost are all big disincentives.

So, why would a 15 y/o want to migrate, and are they acceptable reasons?

1. The better camera. Nope, her proposed solution is not the most cost effective way of getting the desired improvement.
2. Everybody has an iPhone. Nope, peer pressure only goes so far, and buying something stupidly expensive just for the bragging rights doesn't sound like a good plan. Everybody else does not have an iPhone, and unless she can advance a real technical argument why an iPhone is needed to interoperate with others, this isn't something parents should be funding.
3. Parents will have trouble controlling the iPhone, because they are unfamiliar with it. Now, here is the interesting one. Some posters are wagging fingers at the OP for controlling the daughters phone, and perhaps not being honest and mentioning it would have avoided that argument. However, whilst the OP has been upfront and said that control of the phone is an issue (and I do think that a parent should be able to control what a child, even a 15 y/o, can do with their phone). The daughter has not said that wanting to have an uncontrolled phone is why they want this, but lets be honest here. Getting a phone that parents have less control over is clearly an ambition for most 15 y/o, they are just smart enough to not say so! Moving to iPhone brings a fair chance that the parent won't understand how to lock stuff down.

It sound to me as if the kid made a play using plausible but bogus reasons. The parent has countered with a response that addresses the bogus reasons, and the kid accepts that they have been outplayed this time.

Sounds like a description of dealing with teenagers to me!

I switched from Iphone to Samsung because of the better camera quality and screen clarity. my husband had just got a new Samsung and always gets me to set it up, andI was very impressed with it.

of course she'd take the case off. sounds like someone that wants people to see what make and model of phone she has.

@CrowleyKitten based on what? Just that she's asked for an Iphone?

It's a well documented fact that most Samsung S phones have a much better camera than iPhone.

I've heard good things about pixels. I'm on Samsungs now (previously had an iPhone, but liked the camera and screen clarity on husbands samsung better, and switched)
Pixel is on my radar at new phone times, but I like how easy it is to switch to a newer samsung. it is on my research list each time though.