Not getting DD the one thing she's asked for for Christmas

[FrankSinatrasLoveChild]

I can't kick the guilt.

DD is 15, and has begged for an iPhone. She has a fairly decent android, and we're all on Android in the family. I have no clue about iPhones. I still have quite a lot of blocks and controls on her phone (a source of much tension), and wouldn't know how to maintain those on iPhone. Her reason for wanting an iPhone? The cameras on iPhones are so much more "compatible with social media" (i.e. - I assume? make you look better). It just doesn't sit right with me.

I've got her some clothes and make-up (she's really picky, though, so not a massive amount), and am going to give her some money to buy herself a new pair of trainers.

I've warned her she's not getting what she's asked for, but I know she's still hoping.

I just feel really bad about it. I'm not wrong, am I...?

I buy from cex when I need a replacement phone. They’re refurbished and far cheaper, can also get some money towards it if you trade in your existing phone or any other unwanted tech.

My Google Phone, at the time, had an excellent camera. However I switched to Apple because everyone seemed to have them.

This was a plus because if I needed a charge, lots of people would offer their chargers; with the Google Phone nobody could help. Similarly when I'm trying something new to me, lots of people can help; with the Google Phone I was on my own.

So yes, I would buy an older model for her.

I have a Samsung Galaxy, the newest one, I promise that camera is much better and the phone itself much more parent friendly with regards to keeping a kid safe

@whiteroseredrose - I believe the new Apple phones have to have a universal charging port now so would be the same as a google phone for charging.

I have an iPhone to go with my iMac, iPad, Mac Mini, MacBook, various Airpods etc.. purely because I can do certain things across all of them which I use professionally, but I also have an Android phone, tablets, laptops etc.. I use outside of work.

The Android is just as compatible with all social media platforms as the iPhone and far less prone to screen damage.
If she isn't editing hi-res images I doubt she needs better than even an average Android phone camera.

You won't just be getting her an iPhone, there will be the screen protector, a case etc.. and even then you'll suddenly find her telling you that all her friends have an iPhone 16 not whichever one you got her, then in another 6 months or so there will be the iPhone 17 - every time needing a different case etc.., plus if you buy apps there will be the Apple ones to buy.

You have already said no, I wouldn't teach her that if she just nags on for long enough she can get you to change your mind, because Apple is a never ending money pit of matching things (will she be asking for Airpods next to go with the phone?)

I think you have made the right decision. From what you say she has “previous” with phones, so simply buying her one would not have meant she would take greater care of it . Tell her that if she wants to start saving for one you will support her in that, maybe by upping her pocket money a bit in exchange for extra help in the house..

If your only reason is that you don’t know how to manage her internet usage and safety on an iPhone, I think you are being a bit unreasonable. If you can learn how to do it on an Android phone, you can work out how to do it on an iPhone. It feels a bit like you just don’t want the hassle. If it’s the thought that counts, what are you saying with that? 😂 Maybe she could have one for her 16th birthday when you have less going on than Christmas and more time to sort out parental controls as it is quite a “big birthday”?

I would have got her an iPhone instead of clothes and makeup she doesn’t want. It’s kind of insidious to know what someone wants for Christmas and then to go and spend spend spend on things they don’t want. It’s like a subliminal message that they should want what you bought and they are wrong for wanting an iPhone.

OP what she’s talking about is some social media apps (eg instagram) lower the resolutions of any videos / pictures uploaded via android. It looks great when you take the photo, but if an iPhone user sees the post, it looks extremely grainy. You can’t see it on an android phone. It’s an ongoing issue. Not trying to sway your decision either way but thats what she’s talking about

I don't think so. Everyone says that the Pixel's camera is really good.

DH has been a specialist developer on Android & iPhone for years (& one of only a couple of devs in the UK at the top of his field who can do what he does in imaging) and he says the photo hardware & software on Android far outstrips the performance on iPhone.

DH & I use iPhones and even with his brand new, sparkling iPhone 16 Pro whatever the photos are bobbins compared to the far cheaper Android phones DD & Son in Law use!

iPhones are great, but they’re bloody expensive for what they are (and you can’t even change your own screens anymore without screwing up the sodding thing, not like the old days)! IOS is a great operating system (and very secure) but if you want the best images, hands down the winner is Android!

Your DD will not spontaneously combust if she doesn’t get an iPhone under the tree.

The camera on my very reasonably priced Samsung is way better than the one on my sisters iPhone and her iPhone is not that old .

Being worried about the quality of a shot on SM isn't a great place for a 15 year old.to be. She's got a phone that works just fine by the sound of it! Never too soon to learn that a good enough version is just that, she can save her pennies if she's really motivated! In a year she can also get a job for indulging herself!

I personally would get her an iPhone.

Thers’s being a good parent and then there’s being a bit controlling.

I wouldn’t feel guilty about not getting her one for Chas though, because else she may not be as appreciative of the other gifts.

You also don’t want to get into the habit of saying no and then getting it anyway, as one time she may ask for something that you definitely won’t buy her (eg a pet) and she’ll be extra disappointed when she doesn’t get it.

I would remind her before opening her presents that you’ve not got her an iPhone but that you’ll look into it.
Once Xmas is out of the way you will have more free time to look into buying one and how to work them etc.
Perhaps it could be a birthday present.

She prob wants to have one cos all her mates have got one. Go get her the phone now…. Let her remember how she thought she wasn’t getting one and her mama pulled it off for her. You’ll get a memory to last a lifetime.

Your husband has my dream job!

No, the Samsung has a better camera. And the OnePlus we both have OnePlus. My oh is a YouTuber and the OnePlus is the best camera by a mile. He would never entertain an Apple product.

That's completely fine. They're a LOT of money, and there is zero reason to feel guilty unless you're buying an expensive laptop or something for another child.

However, it's worth bearing in mind that you can get a refurbished iPhone 11 for quite a decent price on backmarket - I got one for my dd a few months ago for about £240 after she broke her 7 beyond repair, and was able to spread it interest free over three months, which softened the blow considerably.

I'd get her one - imagine how happy she'll be.

They definitely have better cameras - mine have 13's and the cameras are amazing.

Dont know about parent controls as I don't use them as the dc's are older.

As it's a bit late to order one online unless you're buying new - do you have one of those phone repair shops near you? They always sell refurnished phones and the one near us is very good for customer service or if you have a problem. The guy in ours can sort out any problem, broken screen etc. Also if you have a town with a Cex shop, they sell them refurbished.

I don't think the iPhone camera is better. DH briefly had an iPhone this year (it broke somehow, thing was useless) and my camera quality on my Samsung (no idea of the model) was better. He bloody hated that iPhone, I had a go with it too and thought it was crap. Far prefer Android.

Will also say that every friend I've had who gets an iPhone ends up hating it. They break too easily (both physically and technically), and the iPhone shops apparently charge to fix certain issues.

I would have got her one, especially if that’s all she’s asked for. She probably feels left out if all her friends had one. I remember being that age and wanting the latest/ same phone as everyone else.

I also think I phones are much easier to use, I’ve had an android in the past and would never get one again.

My DD also wants an Iphone and we are an android household although my DD is a little younger than yours if that makes much difference.

We won't buy her an Iphone because we cannot get to grips with Apple, both of us previously had Iphones and changed them.

I cannot keep her safe on an Iphone and that's our final answer to it

For what it's worth - google pixel phones have amazing cameras and features.

OP, I've just got my DD (younger than yours) an iPhone for the exact same reason as you got your daughter an android - because it's what I know, what I'm used to and I'm confident I can ensure it's secure enough for her to use, and I will be able to check every aspect of it as and when I want to.

As an absolute slave to Apple myself (phone, watch, iPad, air pods) I know for a fact that there are better phones with much better technology and cameras out there, aren't android miles ahead?

It might be worth thinking about when you will be happy taking off parental controls and letting her make her own decisions. If that will be at 16, or "after GCSEs", then you might be happy to say "next Christmas", which will be something for her to hang on to. If she has any money of her own, she may save up for one anyway - if she's likely to get there sooner than you'd like, the promise of one as a present in the future may make her wait until then.