Not getting DD the one thing she's asked for for Christmas

[FrankSinatrasLoveChild]

I can't kick the guilt.

DD is 15, and has begged for an iPhone. She has a fairly decent android, and we're all on Android in the family. I have no clue about iPhones. I still have quite a lot of blocks and controls on her phone (a source of much tension), and wouldn't know how to maintain those on iPhone. Her reason for wanting an iPhone? The cameras on iPhones are so much more "compatible with social media" (i.e. - I assume? make you look better). It just doesn't sit right with me.

I've got her some clothes and make-up (she's really picky, though, so not a massive amount), and am going to give her some money to buy herself a new pair of trainers.

I've warned her she's not getting what she's asked for, but I know she's still hoping.

I just feel really bad about it. I'm not wrong, am I...?

@FrankSinatrasLoveChild ultimately it’s up to you but don’t feel pressured by what others are saying. You made a decision as a parent, your reasons are legitimate if you believe in them.

A refurnished iPhone is great but unless it’s the newest model the camera is no better than any other phone. Both Samsung and google pixels have really good quality cameras - you can look at comparison tables online to look at different specs.

Buying an iPhone will obviously make your daughter happy on Xmas day but could you not just get her a better android phone if the camera really is the thing she wants? iPhones are so expensive and if it’s on contract and she breaks/loses it you’ll be stuck paying for something she no longer has.

I have only ever used Apple stuff- Dad used them back when they had a rainbow apple logo and the monitors looked like oldskool TV's.

I have a very old iPhone 6+ that has a broken camera {see pic}

I LOVE apple as it's very intuitive, but have been put off buying a new phone because of the cost!

If you can get her one on contract, do that.

She will be so pleased!

Don't cave. You've done the right thing. Dh and I only have android phones. When we get dd a phone, it will definitely be android. I know what you mean about life admin, and that's why we'll stick to android. Mil wanted to give us an ipad she no longer needed. We said no thank you.

You're not wrong not getting the iPhone no. What are they outright like £1200 or more? Or £75 a month for 2 years that you are obviously paying for as she can't earn money. It's hard to compare to 15+ years ago when fancy phones weren't really in the same demand and didn't cost as much proportionally, but this would still be a high end present for most families who don't have heaps of money. Maybe the whole family can club together in a year or two to get her it (no doubt the next one by then). 16 or 18 can be bigger birthdays. Patience still has to have it's place even now. Not exciting, but an important life lesson.

I think she’s pulling fluff over your eyes talking about iPhone camera’s being more compatible with social media.

As a religious iPhone owner, I am bound to them because of habit & ease of use. Over 10yrs of ownership, they have me for life. And I am comfortable safe in the knowledge that they aren’t as technically brilliant as some of the Android devices out there. But their customer service is second to none, and having all my devices as Apple makes my life easier. Basically, I’m lazy. Because if I wanted the best phone technically, I’d get an android device.

That said, Android is merely the operating system so there will be better or worse phones out there all on Android. I would say you’re either android or iOS (apples operating system). Not many people flit between the two. When she’s 18 then ofc she can contract whatever phone her credit score will allow her. But better the devil you know as a parent, I’d stick to android whilst you can. And maintain the controls you have in place.

My guess is she’s found a ‘business case’ to pitch to you, which ultimately translates as a crafty work around the parental controls.
If I’m right, all credit to her creativity 😂

@FrankSinatrasLoveChild
They used to say many years ago re Android vs Mac

''Once you've had Mac you never go back''

I'd not have a clue how to use an android- She wants an iPhone, anything less will be a disappointment ..

Why not get her what she really wants if you can afford it?

{Speaking as someone who never got what she REALLY wanted throughout childhood} - I wanted an old traditional rocking horse on bow rockers more than anything else.. Never got it til I could buy my own in my 20's!

I don’t think the reasons in your OP are enough to not get her one. If it’s a cost issue, fair enough.

Kids here do seem to have iPhones. My kids do, they’re very easy to use.

If it’s in budget, I’d get her one in your position.

They only cost that much if you buy the latest model with the top contract. Second hand ones are much, much cheaper.

Two different things going on in the thread OP. Firstly it's okay not to get kids exactly what they ask for, for Christmas. It's okay for them to be a bit sulky and disappointed on the day as well so if your DD is, she's still grateful but needs chance to process that disappointment. Kids are going to grow up and feel disappointment many times in life.
Actually my DD is getting a different version of what she asked for, and I've felt bad in the last few days too but I spent the difference on something I know she would love more.

Secondly, you don't have to give in to the peer pressure your DD is feeling. All her friends have them? Because their parents have caved to that parental pressure of not wanting your kids to be different. But it's a phone, anyone whose sat there making fun of someone for not having an iPhone is not a friend anyway.

I will say however, that personal experience of a teenager who promised they'd take care of an IPhone - they absolutely have. It is a cherished and well cared for phone that always has a case/screenprotecter on and not a mark on it 3 years later. So if you wanted to get your DD a refurbished iPhone maybe in a month or two (when you've got more time to research and learn how to set them up) then she may well surprise you with her care of it.

The cost is why I'm dithering getting one for myself... But I really need one as can't take pics at all.

My iPhone 6+ has been a faithful workhorse 10 years old!

The bit about being incompatible with social media is not true at all, she's pulling a fast one (or trying to).
My iPhone is quite old and our DCs' cameras on theirs is better than mine. But my friend's Samsung one eclipses both.

The thing is, that comparisons need to be based on like for like. I have a top end Samsung and it takes brilliant photos. But not all of the 1cheaper Samsung do.

It also cost a bomb. As do top end iPhones. Also, don't forget that going for refurbished models of either make means they won't be supported after about 5 years, so a 4 year old refurbished phone of either brand will need to replaced after a year or two. And that assumes that all Android models will get updates for as long as 5 years, because not all of them do

iPhones are a massive status symbol for many - your DD may feel left out of she's the only one of her friends without one (may or may not be true!)
Also, if she has a history of damaging phones, not sensible to invest in overly expensive ones.
I'm a total android girl (camera is pretty good!) but my brother is massively into tech, iPhones/apple - has been for decades. However he has now switched to android phones as he finds iPhones overpriced for what you get.

CUSTOMER SERVICE is the reason WHY I have Apple products.

They are superb in that regard.

@FrankSinatrasLoveChild If you get her a bells and whistles Android, she will be disappointed - she probably wants what her friends have got.

This is teens.

{We never had much money when DS was a teen, but I really tried to get him what he wanted if I possibly could.

A ''lookey likey'' isn't the same as the real thing.

Don’t listen to the stuff here OP, you do not owe your DD an iPhone. They are no better or worse than Android and the new ones are a lot more expensive. I’ve had both iPhones and Android, I have 2 iPads big and small and there’s really no difference.

A Christmas wish list in not a ransom note,

If it’s the only thing that she really wants, then yes I would have got one for her.

It doesn’t mean you’re wrong, it just means we all parent differently. If I could afford it, and it would make her Christmas then yes, I’d buy it.

Yes and no.. if the child rarely asks for stuff or really wants something specific and has shown good behaviour and so on then actually they should have the luxury (and it is a luxury) of having something they want . Doing what your child wants isn't giving into them ... it's an over all up bringing not one occasion.

@FrankSinatrasLoveChild if your child deserves the phone then do it and only you know that not us here.

I'm thrashing a 10 year old iPhone 6+ at the moment...

It no longer takes photos, only slow-motion or uber fast videos.

It stopped being supported many years ago.

I'm absolutely sure you're not incapable so don't tell the kids that's why you don't want to do it (it's a very slippery slope to allow your kids to think you are technophobic before you know it they will be speaking to you like you are 103). You've been really honest here - you are too busy to shove any more knowledge into your head ATM and you think it's too expensive. These are all valid reasons. (Amazon refurbished is great BTW and you get a warranty).

Don’t do it, OP. She’s got a perfectly good phone with a camera, right? She’s not a professional photographer or even a content creator. She does not need an iPhone just because ‘all her friends’ have them (bet they don’t). And if she really thinks that’s what she wants more than anything, she can save up for one herself.

"A Christmas wish list is not a ransom note"

This!!

IF your Daughter is clumsy, and doesn't take care of her current phone, 📱 then that would be the ONLY thing that would put me off buying her a new one.

If you do get her one, a screen saver and case is essential in case it gets dropped.

Also...a shiny new iPhone is a theft risk.

I can 'safely' use my old iPhone 6+ in public as no one wants it 😂

But new ones get snatched and stolen a lot.

I phones are so expensive. I win't buy them for a reason. My son does have one but it's an iphone 11 and I won''t be upgrading it for several years. You can get a pretty decent refurbished 11 for not a bad price. But honestly, if it's social media pics then I would be tempted not to give in for that fact alone, the longer she 'can't' take these ultra filtered pictures and is discouraged from posting them all over social media the better, surely??!

I have a tech background and run a company that works with professional social media influencers.

What phone model does she have currently?

If it's a top range Android released within the last 2-3 years, it will be better than an older refurb iPhone.

However, if it's not the latest top end Android, the newest iPhone will be better.

There's likely no point buying a refurb iPhone more than a year old unless she has other reasons for wanting it, but of course it depends what she has now.

There are accessories you can buy that will work for any phone (just double check the model she has now is compatible) that she may enjoy. That would be a way around it as much cheaper and shows you're on topic and willing. For example:

A cute phone ring light (table stand or clip on) - will improve her selfies
A gimbal
A case or two she'd love - changing the look and feel is kind of like getting a new phone
An overhead phone mount for desk
A popsockets phone grip

If the reason not to buy her one is because you can't afford it or she loses or breaks things a lot those are perfectly acceptable reasons, but you not wanting to look at the parental controls of an iPhone isn't. It's a two minute google to set up.

I wouldn't buy it. At my old school, it just made the kids' targets for being robbed.