Not getting DD the one thing she's asked for for Christmas

[FrankSinatrasLoveChild]

I can't kick the guilt.

DD is 15, and has begged for an iPhone. She has a fairly decent android, and we're all on Android in the family. I have no clue about iPhones. I still have quite a lot of blocks and controls on her phone (a source of much tension), and wouldn't know how to maintain those on iPhone. Her reason for wanting an iPhone? The cameras on iPhones are so much more "compatible with social media" (i.e. - I assume? make you look better). It just doesn't sit right with me.

I've got her some clothes and make-up (she's really picky, though, so not a massive amount), and am going to give her some money to buy herself a new pair of trainers.

I've warned her she's not getting what she's asked for, but I know she's still hoping.

I just feel really bad about it. I'm not wrong, am I...?

You have told her now that she is not getting what she has asked for, so it sends mixed messages if you go back on this.

Yes, this.

If you’re not getting one (I don’t think there’s a strict right or wrong here), then I would tell her today. Even if you’ve already said no, make sure today she understands it. Otherwise there’ll be disappointment on Christmas Day.

Of course you're not wrong.

I'd definitely get her one, It will be a brilliant present for her, it's unlikely that you will ever be able to make her so happy with a present when she's older. Unless you buy her a car for her 18th!

Decide price and buy refurb for that amount. Also nice strong case and screen protector. I'd also look at the cheap sim only contracts, I'm with Tesco, about £7 a month for more than I can use.

Re the parental controls, any of the mobile phone shops will set it up for you if you ask nicely!

DD always had Iphones, but that's because she gets my old one when I upgrade. Her current one is a 2020 SE. Next year she'll get my 13 mini.Just because some kids have Iphones, doesn't necessarily mean they're the latest models or that parents fork hundreds for them, so that's something to consider.

My iPhone camera is shit in comparison to pals Samsung/android so no I wouldn’t buy that.

I would have a conversation before Xmas about no iPhone tho. Saves tears on an emotional day

Of course you're not wrong.
(and by the way her reasoning is false, unless you buy the very latest Iphone it's not better photos, as far as I can see the iphone photos are very average).
She will get over the disappointment (I would tell her very clearly in advance that she is not getting it though).
My son waited for 2 years to get a Playstation, and now 2 years for a North Face, as in both cases I didn't think it was appropriate. Meant there was one Xmas where he got very little as he said he didn't want anything else, and i wasn't going to waste money on things he didn't want or need, so that was that. No regrets though.

I buy my refurbished ones from Backmarket so you could check if they have next day delivery? Otherwise Amazon sell refurbished ones too.

Why don't you gift her taking some of the controls off her phone. See it as a trust thing maybe

I think all the arguing over which camera is better is irrelevant. She thinks the camera is better, her friends say it is, at that age that’s the important bit, not the objective truth!

O2 sell them on contract with next day delivery.

I’d of got her it. I’m an avid iPhone user and love it! iPhones are the phones of the moment and tbh most teens I know have one, definitely get her a refurbished one if you can, there are some good deals on the 15 at the moment, you can always trade in her current phone too, just my opinion but maybe I’m a soft touch 🤣

I think I would've understood if you'd said because it's too expensive....that would be why I wouldn't buy one. I am certain that the staff would teach you how do use the parental controls which are fantastic on iPhone. I have Android but dh has iPhone and he has set it all up so there are all sorts of controls in place. I always make sure my kids have a main present so I think what you've got her feels a bit rubbish. Even if not an iPhone what about a nice piece of jewellery?

Oh ok, thank you. So you don't have to order refurbished online. God I'm so clueless. Thanks again. I'll head to somewhere like O2 if we do cave in

You're good. If she is wanting it for social media and you do look at an upgrade, look at upgrading the camera on the phone as a priority. My DD similar age was after an iphone but we had a look at the cameras on some of the Samsung Galaxy phones which are excellent and she's a happy bunny.

They all want iPhones. I am the same op. We are all android. Google and Samsung have really decent cameras so that's not the reason.

I would get her one OP, if you possibly can.

The Christmas morning moments of present joy are fewer and further between once they’re teens.

I don’t agree with this at all. I think that’s a really rigid and strange approach to take, that once one thing has uttered from your person then that is it. Things change all of the time: there is no reason why someone can’t just say ‘I’ve thought about it and actually yeah - I’m going to treat you because you’re my daughter and you’re awesome!’

I think the gratitude and the appreciation would be sincere and potentially used as a bit of leverage in the future.

I don't think you should cave. She can have an iPhone when she can afford to buy one herself. My eldest has an iphone, for the camera, and he got it once he was old enough to buy his own. Given she has been irresponsible in the past with phones and broken them, there is no way I would get an iphone, they break far too easily.

I have had Iphones and android and I must admit that I prefer Android. if you all have Android better stick to that. dont think about second hand iphones as they can be rip offs. anyway I think it is important that she learns she cannot have everything she wants and also you can keep control of what she is doing online

The Sky deal is a 3 year contract (you can change phones after a set period but you have to pay for 3 years anyway). That's £900. A refurb from Back Market in excellent condition is £691, £735 as new.

DD could afford one at 9, so that's not necessarily a good benchmark.

But that is your choice to give your 9 year old access to that kind of money.

It's not any more compatible. I love my iPhone - it IS compatible with my iPad and iMac! Also the whole family have iPhones. But actually my sister's Samsung takes better pics!
It's probably peer pressure. But I do remember the meltdown my stepson had when he got his first phone and it wasn't the brand he wanted - good luck!