Not getting DD the one thing she's asked for for Christmas

[FrankSinatrasLoveChild]

I can't kick the guilt.

DD is 15, and has begged for an iPhone. She has a fairly decent android, and we're all on Android in the family. I have no clue about iPhones. I still have quite a lot of blocks and controls on her phone (a source of much tension), and wouldn't know how to maintain those on iPhone. Her reason for wanting an iPhone? The cameras on iPhones are so much more "compatible with social media" (i.e. - I assume? make you look better). It just doesn't sit right with me.

I've got her some clothes and make-up (she's really picky, though, so not a massive amount), and am going to give her some money to buy herself a new pair of trainers.

I've warned her she's not getting what she's asked for, but I know she's still hoping.

I just feel really bad about it. I'm not wrong, am I...?

If it's all she asked for, I would have got it personally, as long as you can afford it. Not being able to work out the parental
Controls is your issue to manage. As for all the posters gleefully revelling in the important life lesson of making your children experience disappointment completely unnecessarily - merry fucking Christmas!🎅

I have an iPhone but I also have a Samsung tablet thus I also have a foot in the Android camp. Posters stating that one or other is far superior are wrong - the truth is that both have advantages and disadvantages and these will vary between models. If not understanding parental controls is your concern, there is plenty of advice online and you could, of course, take advice from your friends or the Apple store. Personally, I would have bought her the iPhone she wants and researched parental controls. I would not, however, have bought a brand new one, the refurbished market is brilliant and you can buy a iPhone in pristine condition and save hundreds of pounds.

We're half and half in our family. DH is Android, I'm Apple. My 15yo was adamant he wanted an iPhone when he got his first smartphone. We never buy new so I told him he'd get a much better Android for the money I was willing to spend (about £150) but he still wanted the iPhone. The main reason was that all of his friends have one.
There is no way I would pay for a really expensive phone of whatever make for a teen. But I didn't mind getting him the brand he really wanted as long as he accepted it was going to be an old one. It was a good compromise.
For you daughter, OP, I likely would have bought her one IF it was within budget. You haven't, so I guess her option now is to buy it with her own money.

You're not wrong, but nor is she by wanting something different. Both viewpoints are ok.

DD only wanted money to go towards an iPhone this year, but looking at it I figured that her old phone, whilst still perfectly serviceable was starting to laugh, battery wasn't great etc. So I have got her the phone, on a new contract, so hopefully she'll get a pleasant surprise.

The rest of us are all android users, but she doesn't have to be. You can still get good parental controls on an iPhone.

iPhones are idiot proof, (that's why I like them - I can't work android for the life of me) it's really a 5 minute job not a whole new subject to learn - the parental controls are very easy although for a 15 year old who actually is aware and wants to limit phone use I don't really see the need? Dc both had android initially as they are cheaper but also disliked them. I can totally understand why she wants one and for me budget would be the only reason in your circumstance (already had phone/access to social media etc) to say no

OP sky are offering an iPhone 14 for £18 per month or a iPhone 16 £25 per month which I think is reasonable, if you buy refurbished will cost you more in the long run, I held out a while when my daughter was younger and when I did get her an iPhone when she opened it she cried tears of joy- as a mum that will always stay with me she was so happy and she is clumsy but looks after the phone well, we’re 2 years down the line and it’s in brand new condition x

DS’s android phone has a much better camera than my iPhone. And it was cheaper than my iPhone! He refuses all things Apple now (used to have our hand me downs when younger)

As for all the posters gleefully revelling in the important life lesson of making your children experience disappointment completely unnecessarily - merry fucking Christmas!🎅

It really is the most miserly attitude 😂

YANBU. My ExH bought iPhones for our DC a few years ago and it was an absolute nightmare for me to do the parental controls as an Android user (he didn't bother). I ended up having to buy a cheap SE refurb myself purely to do that admin. DD lost her iPhone on holiday this year so she got my old Pixel and it's been so much easier. DS is getting a Pixel 7a for Christmas this year. It was £199 brand new from Giffgaff. I know he prefers the iPhone, but never again - until he can get a job/save up to buy one himself.

I'd get it for her given it's the only thing she's asked for.
You're not wrong to not get it though, it's not a right/wrong question.

IPhone is a phone. Samsung is a phone.

The kids like iPhone better. She probably feels left out.

You don't need to know how to work her phone. She will be able to.

Setting up parental controls would be a quick Google.

I have 3 teenage girls and they have all had iPhones from the 1st year of secondary, which get updated every two years and I do tie them in with being Christmas presents (which leads to high excitement on Christmas morning!)

I am quite a strict parent but I also recognise that it’s hard enough being a teenager in those first few years of secondary without feeling or being made to feel like you are left behind. And the cameras are very good as is ease of app use for bus passes, sparx maths, resource information as well as dreaded TikTok

That being said, my DC’s phones are never without cases, I have access to at any time and they know they are a privilege and can be taken away.

You’re not being unfair but if I was you I would get her one. She will never forget this Christmas and you have the holidays to sit and work out the settings and boundaries together.

You would spend 1200 pounds on her for Christmas? Sony do good ones too but again pushing the 1000 mark.

Tell her that it’s an expensive item so you’ll be keeping a look out for secondhand from reputable reseller shops.

Sky is great. Both of mine have an iPhone and they're on contract with Sky. Can't fault then 👍

Sorry I meant Samsung.

My sons top end Samsung galaxy takes much better photos than my iPhone .

Android phones usually have better cameras than iphones so that isn't even accurate. I don't think you're wrong at all - as long as you've told her and be really clear so she isn't 'hoping' that would be best

Reconditioned off Amazon are very good
BUT I think your reasons are perfectly valid. What is she posting that needs such high quality? Based on working at a girls school I higjhly doubt all her friends have iPhones and would shit that down
Apple do an excellent job of marketing g their products as hip, influencer worthy devices. Is she aware of that?

Thanks again.

If I did want to get one, can you get refurbished on contract at the last minute, and where from?!

Which iPhone have you got?

I might be inclined to believe her when she says all her friends have an iPhone. DS & DDs only have iphones. It's a thing. As ridiculous as that might be. So she might not be having you on! Bloody iPhone love! 😐

It might vary wildly what model though. Ours accepted they wouldn't have the newest model as so expensive. An old iPhone is better than a new android apparently. Always got a decent enough deal in Tesco.

If her old phone is due for replacing I would let her get an iPhone but I wouldn't race out to get a phone you maybe can't afford just for Christmas day.

I'd go to a shop today and get one on a contract and take all the clothes and other stuff (that she doesn't want) back.
You'll make her Christmas.

We've always been an android family but dd is the same age as yours and wanted to be like her friends and have an iPhone. I might not understand or agree with the reasons that it is important to her but it was so we got her a refurbished one for her birthday.

When dh asked me what I wanted for Xmas and I said a specific set of watercolours I wouldn't appreciate him pulling apart all of the reasons I want that set and not a different set and does the set that I have now not do the same thing etc. The gift is supposed to be for me, something I will love. I apply the same to my kids. Some of the things they ask for I think are pure ridiculous but it isn't for me.

DS' iPhone was refurbished, bought on contract as a Christmas present just over two years ago - we got it from o2 in store.