If you want your kids to feel comfortable in middle & upper class environments now & when older what would you do to help them?

[Treetops11]

My parents instilled an inferiority complex in me when I was young. We lived in an undesirable estate & they always spoke about people getting ideas above their station , referred to people as "the lawyers son", "doctors daughter " etc... opportunities were never for people like us.

I now have my own kids 13, 11 & 8 , I never want them feeling lesser. We are comfortable but I always feel embarrassed in
middle class company as if I'm an imposter.

How can I equip my kids to fit in anywhere with all walks of life? It truely is an amazing skill to have.

So true, it's the tradesmen kids keeping out local private going...

Absolutely true. One of my best friends grew up in a very wealthy, upper middle class family in Connecticut and went to an Ivy League university. But apparently there are certain stratas of society that weren't really open to her family because they're Jewish.

Omg so this

Classes in the US are not as easily divided into 'upper' 'middle' and 'working' - there are whole social groups that are very difficult indeed to infiltrate. I couldn't give you a detailed answer as I am very much an outsider (pretty much everywhere in the world, even where I was born as my father and mother were from very different backgrounds) but it is clear that 'belonging' is a complicated thing.

I personally am comfortable just about everywhere, as I have never actually tried to belong. I am happy being an outsider, and picking and choosing what level I want to interact with people at. So I'm perfectly comfortable in an aristo's black tie ball, but don't even try to pretend to be one of them, and equally comfortable with the farm workers on a massive farm - but again, don't pretend to be one of them. In the end they are all people, doing more or less interesting jobs (aristos often less!), and you can talk to them about whatever you have as a common interest. It helps if you have a lot of interests!

@CatherinedeBourgh the wealthy south is so different re: the East coast. ‘Woke’ academia & an Ivy league education for the kids not the overarching goal or sign or signifier of success.

Yes. The guy in the seat next to my DH’s season ticket seat at Arsenal is a high court judge, and on one occasion, the guy in the row in front was someone he’d had in the dock.

Honestly, as someone WC who adores art, theatre and opera, and who goes to exhibitions and theatre as often as possible, the thing that the people who go to them have in common is that they go to them. Just that. It’s not some kind of social class passport. You don’t skip a notch up the class ladder the moment you know not to clap between movements of a symphony or something. And it’s pretty depressing to think of people dutifully dragging children to classical concerts to ‘better’ them. Like people who make their children play tennis to make ‘nice friends ’.

I couldn't agree more with your last paragraph. It's such an odd way of thinking. My DCs don't need to 'better' themselves, they're pretty great just the way they are.

Yes, and the west coast is different again.

It's really interesting, but in an anthropological sense. Probably hell if you let it get to you though.

Same as the UK really...

Or take everything written on Mumsnet with a pinch of salt.😂

So ensuring your dc have the confidence to know that no one is “better than them” is the answer

and how do you do that when raising children?

make sure they aren’t dragged anywhere, but given opportunities to experience a wide range of museums, history, clubs, ballet, theatre. Offer try & see what they like

sport is a good leveller, judges sat next to plumbers at football, participating in sports will attract people from various backgrounds that then give different friendships

It’s all about their social skills and character. If you are good fun and make people in your company feel happy you are in. That’s what they care about. The fact your parents took you to the opera is neither here nor there.

Dd was at her posh friends house this summer when they were entertaining flipping royalty from another country! They invited her over to get the conversation flowing.

I make sure my children know absolutely anything I know that they might find useful. Whether that's how to make good focaccia or the "proper" way to eat asparagus, and what to say when someone says "How do you do?"

Nobody ever found life difficult because they had too much information!

I'm not entirely certain I was focusing solely on high culture (I don't think I was the one who mentioned opera) but it's a question of being rounded. Take yesterday for example, I had a conversation over drinks that started with our both having been on holiday in central Spain, then to the life of Cervantes and ended up with Gavin & Stacey and how were were both looking forward the Christmas Special.

That's only going to seem 'rounded' to someone else with an interest in Cervantes, central Spain and Gavin and Stacey, though. Someone with no interest in or knowledge of any of these will think 'Weirdo' and wonder why you look blank when they start talking about K-pop, the latest Punchdrunk and the short stories of Lydia Davis.