Asking for a lift home offended.

[Goatymum]

I met with friends last night about 20 mins walk/5 mins drive from my house. At the moment I'm not driving due to some health issues, so I walked there and was hoping DH could pick me up afterwards on his way home, but he was still out (he picked me up last time a couple of months ago and always picks me up from the station nearby if I've been out in town.
When I've gone out with these friends before in the area and said I was walking home (ie in the summer), this particular friend always offers me a lift saying 'oh it's no problem I'll drop you back etc', even taking another friend home who is more on her way (so am I but she would've had to go back a differentway to take the other friend if that makes sense), but she was really weird about it last night when I asked if she minded dropping me home and made a strange remark. She did drop me however, and I said I really appreciated it as I wasn't driving.
Now I feel a bit ashamed of asking and I should've just walked the 20 minutes and would probably have been fine, but I was pretty shattered after work and I've been a bit post-viral as well. I will definitely never ask this person for a lift again though - it made me feel really shitty.

What did she say?

Do you not have taxis where you live?

what was the strange remark?
A 5 min drive shouldn’t be a big deal to friends, is she annoyed at you for some other reason maybe?

What did she say?

To be honest as the designated driver in almost all friend groups and situations I'd rather be asked ahead of time if it's okay

How many lift homes would you estimate you've had? Have you ever offered to pay her a wee bit towards petrol, or gifted her something small to say thanks for helping out?

Having to give people lifts all the time is annoying. Especially when it's expected.

If I wanted someone to give me a lift home after an event I'd always ask in advance. It'sa bit cheeky to ask in the evning - it's not like she can say no!

And it sounds like you have form for expeting lifts. Sorry.

Hmm. How often has she given you and others lifts home?

It can become very tiresome having to go out of your way, especially if the person didn't ask you in advance and you're put on the spot.

Personally I wouldn't ask if they didn't offer, I'd rather get an uber.

Maybe she doesn't mind offering but didn't appreciate you asking, rightly or wrongly she might think you're building an expectation of a lift.

Hope you sort it out, be a shame to fall out over it.

What was the strange remark?

I think it may be better in the future to say ‘just booking an Uber’ at the end of the night. and see if she offers. I think people don’t like being put on the spot. Or when arranging you say ‘I’ll walk there and get a taxi home’. Again she has the option to offer if it suits her.

This. Asking for a lift means you are demanding one because the person really has to say yes, whether they want to or not. Possibly she was knackered from work, or post-viral, or struggling with something you can't see.

Do you ever give her a lift?

I think yabu to have just expected it and asked at the time. You should have thought ahead and asked her in advance, even if it was just a "dh should be back, but if not would you mind dropping me off afterwards?"

I don't drink & I live in an area that has never heard of public transport after 7pm and a taxi from the nearest town would be about £25 and £40-60 if we went put in the local city. As such I always drive. I have no issue picking up/ dropping people off but it absolutely boils my piss when I am out on the spot as everyone is leaving and asked rather than being asked in advance.

Perhaps she is one of those people who likes to offer but doesn't expect you to take her up on it. If you don't mean it don't offer.

Assuming you asked politely then I think it was ok to ask especially as she had done it happily before. If she hadn't wanted to give you a lift she should have said. Making passive aggressive comments is childish.

Uber cabs are handy??

Have you offered payment towards her running costs in return for the lifts? She may feel you are taking her too much for granted.

She probably feels taken for granted. I am at work but it's only the odd weekend. They don't even ask now just wait at my car. They're sort of on the way home but it'd be easier not taking them. One person does ask she has manners.

I wouldn't let a friend walk home on their own after dark in the winter, even if they happily do it in the summer months.

The OP doesn't appear to have an unreasonabl expectation of another lift, as this person has often volunteered to drive her home in the past.

If you don't live in a good sized town or city, Uber is often not an option. I don't live in the back of beyond, I'm actually at the edge of commuter land. But there's no Uber here nor any of the takeaway or grocery quick delivery companies that Mumsnetters are quick to suggest, as if OPs are being dim!

If you're not out much (which I'm guessing is the case when you said your DH picked you up last time a few months ago), then why aren't you both planning between you for him to pick you up this time?

You mentioned he was still out but my point is...surely he could have planned NOT to still be out? If I need picked up after a night out or vice versa, my husband and I plan our schedule accordingly so we can help each other out. Surely that's a normal aspect of working as a team in a partnership?

Why should your friend be inconvenienced so your husband isn't?

Yes, Ubers are not a thing everywhere!

I would want a text in advance if you want a lift. It gives me the opportunity to think about it. If you ask someone right there and then you put them on the spot. Not nice!

So she was driving anyway and you‘re on her way home?

Is it possible that you didn’t chat much to her all evening and then asked for a lift home?

Or maybe she was just in a bad mood about something else. I wouldn’t over-think it.

I do think we need to know what she said? What was the strange remark OP?

It being on the way doesn't mean you're obligated to give a lift though