Asking for a lift home offended.

[Goatymum]

I met with friends last night about 20 mins walk/5 mins drive from my house. At the moment I'm not driving due to some health issues, so I walked there and was hoping DH could pick me up afterwards on his way home, but he was still out (he picked me up last time a couple of months ago and always picks me up from the station nearby if I've been out in town.
When I've gone out with these friends before in the area and said I was walking home (ie in the summer), this particular friend always offers me a lift saying 'oh it's no problem I'll drop you back etc', even taking another friend home who is more on her way (so am I but she would've had to go back a differentway to take the other friend if that makes sense), but she was really weird about it last night when I asked if she minded dropping me home and made a strange remark. She did drop me however, and I said I really appreciated it as I wasn't driving.
Now I feel a bit ashamed of asking and I should've just walked the 20 minutes and would probably have been fine, but I was pretty shattered after work and I've been a bit post-viral as well. I will definitely never ask this person for a lift again though - it made me feel really shitty.

I'm a driver and a recovering people pleaser. It's easier now for me to say no but it's challenging when I'm put on the spot like that.
I have newish friends who don't drive and I have offered to drive them home a couple of times. One has never taken advantage of that but the other one is different - she is very outspoken about her needs and has put me on the spot like that a couple of times, once she has even told a friend of hers she has introduced me to I a would drive her home before even speaking to me. 🤐
I know I have to say something before I get too resentful and I ruin a friendship. It's just really awkward when you offer to do something and the precedent has been set.

As its Xmas, I'd buy her a small gift and say how much you appreciate the lifts. No-one likes feeling they have been taken advantage of.

Oh I miss read that. I thought it was 20 mins drive.

5 minutes drive would be absolutely no bother to me at all! Ok that's a bit twatty tbh. I'd probably not ask again. I'd feel really uncomfortable. Just book an Uber next time. Hopefully they do 5 minute journeys.

I think she was being a bit weird. I would always offer a friend a lift home, especially if they were on their own and it was dark. It’s not as if you are constantly asking. I would make other arrangements next time though.

What was the “weird remark”?

As someone who doesn't drivev the etiquette is to bring up. The subject of a lift the same time the eevent in question is initially mentioned to you not be rude n wait to the lzst minute also doesn't kill people to use a bus or train or taxi or heaven forbid walk somewhere

I often need a lift because we only have one car and I have a 15 yo DS who needs a permanent taxi service! So DH will end up driving all round. We pick up friends etc on the way or on return so it works out equal. Then people don’t mind as they get lifts. I also drive on occasions and take them.

maybe you could arrange the next night out and offer your DH to pick the friend up so they can have a drink or something. They will probably say no but you offered

That sounds like a friend having a laugh tbh!
Why don't you just message her and ask her if she was offended by you asking for a lift? Tell her that you felt an awkward atmosphere after?

It also really annoys me when people ask me for a lift when we're out - even people I've offered a lift to before. I feel obl obliged to say yes especially if others have heard the request. It's much politer to arrange these things in advance.

The reactions here are so weird 😂 she didn’t ask for £50 or a kidney. I’m always offering to drop people off so I’m not surprised when I haven’t offered if someone pipes up with “can I be cheeky and get a lift?” If they are on the way or like a slight detour they know it’s not that big a deal just like op. You’re fine she was being weird.

I think, in your situation, I would have messaged ahead of time to say something like "I'm not driving at the moment so DH is dropping me off. Is anyone able to give me a lift home? No worries if not as I can walk or get a taxi" - I think it's easier to say no to a text than to a friend's face whose only option is walking home late in the dark.

If you slightly misjudged a friend then you learnt something about her. Don't feel guilty.
People presume every day, it's short hand.only you know your relationship with her, the rest of us are guessing. Your friend may feel worse than you thinking they were rude (it's possible) Don't dwell on this for a minute longer. The fact you have to ask means you care about what others think, your concern is genuine, but will resolve it's self. 😊

How did you ask?

"Do you mind giving me a lift? DH was supposed to pick me up, but I've just texted him and he's not back yet, so can't. If you're in a rush to get back, don't worry, I'll just walk."

vs

"Can you give me a lift?"

The second option suggests you had no plans and assumed she would sort you out and didn't bother to pre-warn her. The first suggests you did have a plan, but it fell through, and she can say no if it doesn't work for her.

Oh how I love the generosity, community spirit and thoughtful ness of most people on here... not! How can being able to give someone a lift,some help, be annoying in any context??

It’s a lift!!! A lift, she isn’t asking for kidney! I can’t believe some of the comments on here making the OP feel awful!

Not me making her feel awful she did perfectly right.

I think I’d be more annoyed with DH still being out!
im usually driving and I do get annoyed people expecting lifts, no one offers to take me home or they grumble if I mention I’m walking. Always best to arrange before, leave petrol money on the seat (don’t offer most are too polite to accept) and maybe a gift if more than once.

If you don't want to walk and you don't have your own means of transport, then you plan your way home in advance. It's extremely rude to put someone on the spot, and that's why she was annoyed. It's presumptuous.

Giving one person a lift is fine. When it's several people asking you and expecting it every single time you go out and they just assume you'll be a taxi service for everyone and never offer to pay for petrol then yes, its bloody annoying.

Personally I see nothing wrong with friends giving lifts! I’ve had plenty of lifts in the past and would also happily give my friends lifts. I see that as quite normal, and surely friends just help each other out like that. Is it possible you misinterpreted her, OP? Imo you’ve done nothing wrong so I wouldn’t sweat it!