Asking for a lift home offended.

[Goatymum]

I met with friends last night about 20 mins walk/5 mins drive from my house. At the moment I'm not driving due to some health issues, so I walked there and was hoping DH could pick me up afterwards on his way home, but he was still out (he picked me up last time a couple of months ago and always picks me up from the station nearby if I've been out in town.
When I've gone out with these friends before in the area and said I was walking home (ie in the summer), this particular friend always offers me a lift saying 'oh it's no problem I'll drop you back etc', even taking another friend home who is more on her way (so am I but she would've had to go back a differentway to take the other friend if that makes sense), but she was really weird about it last night when I asked if she minded dropping me home and made a strange remark. She did drop me however, and I said I really appreciated it as I wasn't driving.
Now I feel a bit ashamed of asking and I should've just walked the 20 minutes and would probably have been fine, but I was pretty shattered after work and I've been a bit post-viral as well. I will definitely never ask this person for a lift again though - it made me feel really shitty.

I think you have made the common and understandable mistake of thinking that because someone has helped you before, they will be glad to do it again. Your plan to arrange your own transport next time, or be willing to walk, is a good one.

You can pre book Ubers now so that might help next time

I'd put it down to her beng tired. Maybe one of those nights she'd have rather havebeen sat all comfy on her sofa in her PJ's but made the effort to go out and just wanted to get home ASAP.

If she regularly asks if you want a lift then I think it's OK for you to ask.

So she ‘always offers you a lift’ but you have it written in your diary she last gave you a lift a year ago? Do you usually decline her lifts then?

I reserve an Uber, they're always reliable.
I don't ask for lifts or drop anyone off, I've had years of being a free taxi service.

There have been a few threads on here this year from people who feel taken for granted when it comes to giving lifts.
I don’t drive and while it’s nice if I’m offered a lift here and there, I would much rather take a taxi as I like to come and go as I please.

She's probably just having an off day. You're over thinking it.

This is a friend, this isn’t a regular occurrence of op having a lift home, they only meet up 3 times a year.Not really what friends do, make someone feel awkward, that’s the whole point, why, if she didn’t want to, better to say no, then do it begrudgingly.Personally just don’t understand, why make it awkward, it’s an occasional lift home when you’re driving anyway.I’d always make sure a friend got home ok, if they weren’t driving, it’s just being a friend.

I think it's one thing to offer it's another to be asked and put on the spot

This is late at night isn’t it, woman get taxis or a lift home, for safety.Just because it’s 20 minutes, doesn’t mean it’s going to be an easy route.

OP: Do you always have an alcoholic drink whilst your friend stays sober? I know that would annoy me. But I definitely wouldn’t be annoyed about being asked for a lift.

I think you should have given her a few quid for petrol at the very least or maybe drop a gift round to hers sometime.

I meet up with a group of around 10 ladies every week for an activity that’s held locally and last week we went out for Christmas lunch at a restaurant that’s a 30 minute drive away in another town.

As it was some distance away and seemed silly for us all to drive, I offered to give lifts for anyone who wanted one and I ended up taking 3 of the ladies in my car. I never drink alcohol anyway but I knew at least two of them would want a drink with their meal so that’s why they jumped at the offer of a lift.

Not one of them offered anything towards petrol or even bought me a soft drink and this being taken for granted actually annoyed me more than I realised. 😠

It always makes me smile when people think Ubers are available everywhere! Not everywhere has Uber you know! 🙃

I have to say though in this case I agree with PP saying it was a bit much putting the friend on the spot.

I'm always bemused by these threads too. I can't imagine being annoyed at a friend for asking for a lift when I'm practically driving past their house (5 mins out of my way).

Mind you, I've realised over the years that my idea of friendship is very very different from a lot of mumsnetter's ideas!

I can kind of relate to being put on the spot having given one friend lifts for years due to her husband working nights and them only having one car. They now have four cars in the household for at least six- seven years.

We were both going to a Christmas lunch a couple of years ago for a hobby we both do and she said "you'll drive won't you?". It suddenly dawned on me I had become her designated driver, especially galling as she doesn't really drink. I said no and she seemed quite put out.

I have stopped offering her lifts thinking she might offer me one. No, sorts a lift out for herself. No good deed goes unpunished as they say!

I don't think you should ask for a lift. If she wanted to give you a lift she would have offered. As your husband wasn't available you should have organised a taxi.

Are you sure you aren't reading more into this than was there? It doesn't sound that bad from what you describe here. I could see myself responding like this and it wouldn't be anything to do with the person and if I thought there request was cheeky or not. It would be me mulling over things like: is there a lot of stuff in the car that will need moved around, has the dog smell reached new heights and no-one should have to deal with it, do I need to stop off at the supermarket on the way home, do I have enough petrol, etc etc. So nothing for someone to worry about, just thinking stuff through.

Absolutely, was thinking the same.

Another person who thinks Uber is magically available everywhere. 🙃

Yep, I answered that.
Ubers are available where the OP lives, but they are not always as quick as she would like.

Honestly, if she normally offers and drives you home etc I don't think one instance of a mumbled 'a lift' makes her an arsehole friend or whatever. It's hardly a shitty comment. Other people have off days too, feel rough or whatever, so if she's normally a good friend I'd not think any more of it.

However as a long term driver, and default designated driver, it does feel very different to be asked than it does to offer.

And in your OP you said she "always offers" (which has now turned into not for a whole year) so I think you can let her off.

How was she in the car home?

Maybe she was in a bad mood/tired and just wanted to get home. It shouldn’t have been a problem but I think just make other plans or ask in advance next time.

I also think asking before you go out is polite, otherwise it very much feels like you (generic you) have gone out assuming you'll be given a lift home. Asking at the planning stage is different, you can say "ah ok, yup happy to meet there. Is it alright to get a lift back or shall I book an Uber?"

Going out for the night then saying 'alright for a lift'? At the end feels very different.

Why not just send a message saying you are sorry you've put her on the spot, and thanking her again for the ride? Not making a big deal of it, but just saying thanks again?

So she often offered you a lift in the Summer Op, I presume as it was still daylight she felt she could offer, knowing you'd say no. Now it's dark early she's annoyed you finally wanted to accept a lift. If she didn't mean it then she shouldn't have said it. A real friend wouldn't want you to walk home in the dark if it's only five minutes drive or would have offered you the local taxi number