Asking for a lift home offended.

[Goatymum]

I met with friends last night about 20 mins walk/5 mins drive from my house. At the moment I'm not driving due to some health issues, so I walked there and was hoping DH could pick me up afterwards on his way home, but he was still out (he picked me up last time a couple of months ago and always picks me up from the station nearby if I've been out in town.
When I've gone out with these friends before in the area and said I was walking home (ie in the summer), this particular friend always offers me a lift saying 'oh it's no problem I'll drop you back etc', even taking another friend home who is more on her way (so am I but she would've had to go back a differentway to take the other friend if that makes sense), but she was really weird about it last night when I asked if she minded dropping me home and made a strange remark. She did drop me however, and I said I really appreciated it as I wasn't driving.
Now I feel a bit ashamed of asking and I should've just walked the 20 minutes and would probably have been fine, but I was pretty shattered after work and I've been a bit post-viral as well. I will definitely never ask this person for a lift again though - it made me feel really shitty.

If I wanted a lift, I'd check it was okay in advance, not ask at the last minute as it basically doesn't give the other person a choice.

She didn’t offer. Having offered (and given a lift) in the past doesn’t mean it was an open ended offer.

What was the strange remark she said

OPs friend didn’t offer this time though, Op asked for the lift.

What did your friend say OP? It’s odd you say she said something but then don’t tell us what!

Surely it came up that your husband was still out and you were thinking of walking? If I was going that way of course I’d drop you home, but I’d offer I wouldn’t wait to be asked, I have a friend who doesn’t drive, and k wouldn’t have her walking in the dark and cold in winter and always ask how she’s getting home. I’d hate to think of her walking 20 mins in the cold when I’m in a warm car, even if it was the opposite direction

Fair enough, I live in a city so I take these things for granted.
So to give the question more thought.
I would not go out unless I had planned how to get back home.
If the friend usually offers lifts, I would check beforehand that she was OK to do so again.
I wouldnt just assume.

To be honest I'm not even sure. Something like 'A lift? A lift?' like she was really offended at being asked. If she'd said 'well I'm taking X home so I'd rather not as I'm tired' I would've said no problem, I'll walk (or get an uber if one was available but they often take ages to turn up). but as she'd offered in the past I thought asking would be fine and we wouldn't have to go through the 'are you sure' no problem' charade!

Yes we have uber, but they can take a long time to arrive ('looking for a driver', then it goes off looking for another one!). Not keen on minicabs, but next time I will book an uber.

Def not annoyed with me! I replied to a PP re what she said - sort of like 'A lift, a lift!' but it wasn't a 'sorry I can't as I need to get back quickly' which would've been fine and I would've walked or got the bus a couple of stops to make the walk slightly shorter (although it's that part of the walk that's quiet).

Have you ever offered for your husband to collect/drop-off her in exchange?

I just looked at my diary and definitely over a year ago!

I've never asked her before!!!! She's always offered and I haven't always taken her up on it either.

I seriously wouldn't have minded if she'd said no, rather than mumble something odd and then it made it really awkward. But i wont ask again that is for sure.
I would have had no problem with giving her lifts when I drove but it's never really arisen due to places where we go out - and she pretty much always drives.

This is what I think. I would've been fine with an 'Actually I'm taking X home so I'd rather not cos I'm tired' - and I would've said no worries, I'll walk/get Uber etc'.

Wouldn't really work and she pretty much always drives cos she always runs late!

So she’s always offered on previous occasions? I think that’s the key thing. You outright asking her is a bit CF imho, I’m not surprised she was a bit shirty.

You need to practice the subtle art of hint making OP.

You: Anyway, Im just going to sort an Uber home.
Her: Don’t be silly, I’ll drop you off.

As opposed to:

You: Can I have a lift home please?
Her:

Yeah, I won't ask again/assume.
I do live in a city but Ubers so busy so not always easily available. The other evening DH and I had been out in town and cba with the bus and walk from the bus stop, but an Uber wasn't forthcoming so we had to get the bus and were knackered when we got in!

Do you think she felt you hadn’t socialised with her that evening other than to ask for the lift?

Why wouldn't it work?

Didn't even think of coordinating with husband. tbh I only knew fairly last minute the arrangement was 100% on and we finished the evening later than I thought. We do coordinate and work as a partnership - this isn't about DH anyway - he is very good and usually picks me up from the station if I've been out in town. but he's busy at the moment pre-Xmas.
I mean he picked me up when I was out with these friends, not just out with anyone!

No! I was sitting next to her at the table, we were chatting all night.

Because of where she lives.

Could she have worried she didn't have enough fuel as you caught her on the hop?

Yeah, she always offers so I thought I'd ask outright.
Maybe I'm being thick but seriously I wouldn't care if someone I very occasionally took home (once a year on average) asked for a lift.
I won't do it again with her and will always ask in advance if really needed.

Honestly, it’s fine to ask a friend for a lift home. I wouldn’t give it another thought (easier said than done, I know.) Put this down to ‘one of those things’ and carry on with your friendship as normal.