Don't ask your spouse questions you don't want the answer to.

[anissa834]

Recently me and one of my brothers was chatting while playing grand theft auto online together and at some point, he talked about his wife that asked him if he is happy being married to her and he gave an honest answer.

He said he is happy in general wether he is married or not. He is happy with or without her and that is true.

Before getting married, he is been in several relationships and he always told me that he never cried over any girls and was always indifferent whenever his relationships would end and he always moved on very quickly and continue living his life as if nothing happened.

When he told his wife that, he didn't give me much details but he said she was basically offended.

Never ask certain questions to your spouse if you don't want the answer.

He's a cocklodger.

I do not understand this "white lie" bollocks. A lie is a lie. Someone who goes out of their way to ask a question where the answer may hurt their feelings and expects you to lie to spare their feelings is a narcissist who treats you like an extra in their life instead of as a full human with a right to your opinion.

a bit like someone asking "does my arse look fat in this" and answering "Yes!"

Don't fish for compliments like some kind of insecure narcissist then.

I am married. And I am civil with my brothers wife but I don't have a friendship with her. I don't really care about her like that.

Sounds like you should marry your brother.

Do you really believe this? if so that is very sad, I can only think you've had some bad experiences of relationships or marriage to think they don't last 'can't last.
If you are married to a decent and caring person they will have your back in the good and bad times. As for only family having each others backs for real, that is clearly incorrect as so many threads on MN refer to toxic families, nc with relatives and more. Every day they are on here.
You sound very cynical.

You obviously are disappointed in love as this statement is 100% false.

So he is indifferent to his marriage and his wife and you somehow have made her into the person in the wrong for finding that offensive. What a family that poor girl has married into.

Same. Imagine being with one of those "I can't live without you" emotional vampires and deciding that you want to leave, the suicide threats will start etc and you will be guilt-tripped into staying. Whereas if you leave someone well-adjusted, they will be sad but they won't be all drama "I'm going to kill myself" and you won't feel guilty about going.

Is the OP male or female, whoever they are, they sound very young and immature.

There's a difference between being indifferent as to one's spouse and being happy with your life whether you were with them or not.

Not sure what to make of OP. There is much more going on behind the scenes for sure.

Honestly, your brother gave an idiotic, heartless and unnecessary answer. He didn’t even have to be dishonest. It could have gone like this:
Qu: Are you happy being married to me?
A: Yes I am.
What was the point of adding all the other stuff that his wife didn’t actually ask about? So she got the answer to a question she didn’t ask.

Or maybe you are just rude and don't care about hurting others feelings? Maybe you're ND and don't recognise social etiquette?

That's perfectly fine too - you are impolite and maybe one of these "brutally honest" people who "tells it like it is" I guarantee if you are like this in real life though people think you're rude and probably don't ask your opinion for fear of being torn apart!

Maybe ever thought someone asking if their arse looks fat is just feeling insecure and isn't necessarily raging narcissist(so funny how that word gets attributed to everything nowdays)? I personally would never ask that question bc I know it does!

I do live alone at the moment since my spouse is currently not in the UK.

I take the question, ‘Are you happy being married to me?’ to mean, ‘Are you pleased that I am the person that you have married? Do you give a shit about me being here?’ rather than, ‘Could you be happy without me?’.

As for not asking questions you don’t want the answer to, well she probably asked because, from his answer, it sounds like he doesn’t make her feel secure in the relationship. At least now she has an answer, she can decide what to do with that information. Hopefully she’ll go and find someone that makes her feel a little more wanted.

Yes, I get the impression OP is either T-wording or there are issues there. The responses are very robotic.

The problem is that the person asking the question forces you to give an answer. Even pretending you didn't hear them and trying to change the subject is a form of response. So you are put, by someone else's actions, in the position of having to respond in some way to their question. We've all met someone who asks "do you like my outfit?" and queries your "yes" with "really? honestly?", decides that you lied to them anyway, and bursts into tears.

The questioner could have just not asked and both spared everyone the drama and not put the questionee on the spot.

The feeling is probably mutual.

I don't mind.

Is the school holidays already? 😂

How the hell did he expect her to react? How would he react if she told him, she wasn't any happier being married to him and not really bothered either way?
Hopefully, she leaves him as he's just been wasting her time.

Does he understand that he's opened himself up to potential loss of half his assets when the marriage ends. Seems foolish to do this for something that you consider a disposable relationship.