Don't ask your spouse questions you don't want the answer to.

[anissa834]

Recently me and one of my brothers was chatting while playing grand theft auto online together and at some point, he talked about his wife that asked him if he is happy being married to her and he gave an honest answer.

He said he is happy in general wether he is married or not. He is happy with or without her and that is true.

Before getting married, he is been in several relationships and he always told me that he never cried over any girls and was always indifferent whenever his relationships would end and he always moved on very quickly and continue living his life as if nothing happened.

When he told his wife that, he didn't give me much details but he said she was basically offended.

Never ask certain questions to your spouse if you don't want the answer.

My spouse is like your brother in this example. He's perpetually content. Whatevers for dinner, whatever the weather, if plans fall through or if they don't, he's happy. I haven't ever asked the question your sister in law asked because the answer seems pretty obvious given his attitude to everything in the world ever. Though actually we have kind of touched on it in a 'if I died tomorrow' sort of conversation, we agreed that ultimately he'd be fine a lot quicker than I would, but life would be more disorganised 🤣 I'm the sort of person who's usually wondering 'what if' and whether the grass is greener. I'm the one who plans things because Im the one who gets fomo. If he'd moved into our house alone it wouldn't be painted because he'd be fine with it as it was, but equally he's totally fine with whatever colour it ends up and will join in with the plans I make/contribute to DIY etc. But he's not an instigator.

If I have a wish for my kids it's that they grow to be contented souls, seems like a very nice way to be. Far more relaxing for sure!

Though also having some diplomacy in how you communicate with others seems like a valuable life skill. Feels weird that your brother being like this was news to his wife, and also that he spoke to her like that when presumably he knows her well enough to know how it would land?!

Some people have little emotional warmth, maybe you and your brother are like that.
It's not a criticism, people are what they are, I do think perhaps your brother, if he is happy in his relationship, could have been kinder when answering his wifes question.

It is important to me that my partner be independent, and not rely on me for their happiness - and I am the same. Having said that, to the question "are you happy being married to me" I would answer "yes, I am very happy being married to you". I don't think I would need to expand into "and I would be just as happy without you". It wouldn't be true anyway - I don't rely on my partner for my happiness, and he is not my only source of happiness but he makes me happy, and of course I would be upset if we split up, because I love him. He is very much part of my life, just as my children are, and he absolutely would have my back in any circumstances.

Yup exactly. Relationships and marriages are not met to last forever anyways. Nothing good last forever. And your spouse won't have your back in tough times anyways.

Only family have each other's backs for real.

And this is the early point at which the thread jumps the shark.

Better to be a contented pig than an unhappy Socrates.

I think research has actually found married men live longer than single men. Although life expectancy had not risen for men or women in the UK in recent years, and I think has actually declined slightly for women. So life expectancy does increase for men if they are married.

You sound like you're about 13, or completely emotionally stunted. I bet you're also the type who doesn't apologise for breaking someone else's stuff because "it was an accident" or who takes items because "you weren't using it".

Surely every family has relationships/marriage at their heart...

I'm off to Google what jumping a shark means

I'm assuming unhappy pig is the ultimate short straw 🤣

Please tell me when you find out.😀

Apparently it's the point that something starts to decline in popularity / is past it's peak!

Learned something new today

LOL

He's missing the empathy element but yes I do agree...
my friend once was nagging her partner to say what did he think about her not working and should she get a job would it affect the house and child... what was his honest opinion etc on and on till he eventually said he didn't mind wether she worked or not however it was frustrating she she was home all day the house was a mess there was no food bought, the washing wasn't done etc.

She went mental... I told her she basically pushed his hand into being honest!

Likewise

Love this!

Ahhh....me too.
Thanks. x

Exactly! I don't see him as emotionally stunted at all...just someone who doesn't need someone else to be happy. I see that as very evolved actually. Maybe people need that dressing up or something. Personally, I'd rather be with someone who can make themselves happy and I am just a bonus to their life.

I don't need my DH. I'm sure I'd cope OK on my own if I had to

But I'd be pretty upset if he said he didn't mind whether we stayed married or not!

It sounds like you and your siblings are all cut from the same cloth and possibly come from a very emotionally avoidant family?

It's one thing to feel that you would be happy with or without your spouse but quite another to tell them that! Ever heard of telling a white lie in order to protect someone's feelings? Perfectly fine to think it but a shitty thing to say imo, a bit like someone asking "does my arse look fat in this" and answering "Yes!"

Sounds like your brother is well-adjusted and reasonable and his wife is insecure with an unhealthy psychological dependency on him.

It's extremely unhealthy to depend upon another person for your happiness, as well as unfair to the other person.

It comes from the (really bad) Jaws movie sequels I believe. Basically something is very much over but is being flogged to death (ie. Having Jaws jump out of the water to kill people in the sequels)

Wrong. The highest demographic for dying earlier is unmarried men. The lowest is unmarried women. Go figure!

Whether you would be happy with or without your loving spouse in your life is all fine and dandy, but you would have to be unbelievably crass and insensitive to say so. It is tantamount to saying that you couldn't care less whether they lived or died.

Never ask certain questions to your spouse if you don't want the answer.

....And never give an answer unless you are prepared to face the consequences.