Don't ask your spouse questions you don't want the answer to.

[anissa834]

Recently me and one of my brothers was chatting while playing grand theft auto online together and at some point, he talked about his wife that asked him if he is happy being married to her and he gave an honest answer.

He said he is happy in general wether he is married or not. He is happy with or without her and that is true.

Before getting married, he is been in several relationships and he always told me that he never cried over any girls and was always indifferent whenever his relationships would end and he always moved on very quickly and continue living his life as if nothing happened.

When he told his wife that, he didn't give me much details but he said she was basically offended.

Never ask certain questions to your spouse if you don't want the answer.

Really? I think you're confusing independence and not caring that your partner can take or leave you.

That you wouldn't be at all hurt seems quite odd.

You are supposed to be independent married or not.

Marriages are meant to last forever. That's why people get married in the first place? And they get married to start a family with that person.
My husband is my family. In fact, I'd go as far as to say my chosen family. I didn't choose the family I was born in to.

Of course there's lots of marriages that don't work out. But I'd hope the majority of people at the point of getting married do so because they're in love and in the hopes of it lasting forever. They take vows /promises to each other of that at least.

Maybe because he wanted to rather than needed to. An attractive quality I would assume.

Only family have each other's backs for real.

An emotionally stunted, enmeshed, socially inept gamer. Don't fancy hers much.

He didn't even answer the questions, "are you happy married to me?" "Of course love" <end scene> No need to "you're basically useless in my life and make no difference". That's not the same as being emotionally stable and independent.

I'm emotionally stable and independent. I'd live if DH and I broke up. I would be very unhappy because he is wonderful and enriches my life. If he didn't, why bother? And having her ask that question is probably a bad idea for your brother, since women make men live longer, have better mental and physical health, and do more than half the housework. Men on the other hand, fish-bicycle statistically most of the time.

Why is it bad to be happy married or single ?

If marry a generally happy fulfilled person, he/she is not gonna be happier just cause he/she got married to you.

You're wrong. Maybe you've had very poor relationships in the past. I've been married for 25 years and me and dh have had each other's back's all through lives ups and downs. Cliche as it sounds he is absolutely my rock. He has just returned to work after a year off (unpaid ) to nurse me through cancer for the second time. He's always been there for me and ds and I have always been there for him. That will always be the case. We totally support each other. That's what people who are married and in love do. My family are also great supports but that's not the situation for everyone.

He sounds like a psychopath.

Depending on the person you marry to actually want to be with you, is vital to a happy marriage...else why bother?

I have to disagree on wether women make men live longer.

Men live long happy lives married or not.

I was happy before marrying my husband. He makes me happier than I was before. If he didn’t, I wouldn’t have bothered marrying him.

All of them?

Whether.

And google some studies; you're wrong.

I would think most people marry because they want to...not because they need to.

www.health.harvard.edu/mens-health/marriage-and-mens-health

Why does it have to be one or the other? They don't have to be mutually exclusive. You can be happily married while maintaining independence. Relationships should enrich your life. If they don't, why be in them?

Yes.

Hopefully they ARE going to be happier!

My husband enriches my life hugely, he brings me a lot of joy and happiness. Would I survive without him? Or course! But being in a partnership means relying on the other person to an extent, and building a life together.

OK wind up then.

Laters.

@anissa834 but he’s not coming across as independent.

he’s coming across as indifferent.

he’s coming across as if he could take it or leave having her in his life and he doesn’t mind either way.

as a partner - especially wife - I’d feel like I was just filling a need in his life for love in sex and company and he could replace me in an instant and not be bothered. Because I don’t matter to him.

that doesn’t give most normal people the warm fuzzy loved feeling.

I am independent of my partner. I love him and would be upset if we separated at either of ours instigation but I would survive. We both have interest and hobbies independent of each other but we are each others people.

My life wouldnt end without him in it but I would feel sad.

your brother hasn’t expressed that to his wife.

You both sound emotionally cold.

All men live long and happy lives? Are you sure?

I think DP probably thinks this way, because he is incredibly well emotionally-adjusted and sees having a partner in his life as a bonus, not an essential. He's also a pragmatist and knows that life goes on after relationships end (as am I, to be fair – when DH died I thought I could never be happy again and yet here I am).

BUT...

He would never say as much to me, and certainly not so bluntly. No wonder your brother's wife was offended. Even if he wanted to be completely honest, there are ways of framing it. I suspect DP would say something like... "I know eventually I would find happiness again but it would be very hard, and I would always miss you. I would much rather be with you than without you."

I don’t think I’d like to be in a relationship with someone where I felt they wouldn’t be at all bothered if the relationship ended 😆

If my relationship did end, I know I’d be fine because I’m a strong independent woman and time heals. But that’s different to saying I’m equally happy with or without you.

Reminds me of when someone asked Boris Johnson about married life with Carrie and he said he had "buyer's remorse."