Can I ask my kids to pay towards Xmas food shop.

[I4gotmyname]

Would it be bad if I asked my 3 oldest, to give me 15.00 each towards the Xmas food shop. And ask them to pay for the alcohol. As I don't drink.

I'm struggling a bit this year . Not to a massive extent. But a bit of help would be nice. I feel bad though because they are my kids.

But you can afford it? Im baffled by a Mum that would do this that doesn’t need to.

Can you do this? Yes
Would I? No way

Ok.....

Ask them to bring drinks, both alcoholic and soft drinks.

And maybe Christmas crackers/snacks.

I think charging them isn't great.

“charging” isn’t the right word. It’s “contributing” which seems fair to me. Even a 17 year old can understand the concept of things costing money

£15 for a home cooked meal? Surely a fiver would be plenty. Plus byo booze

Why don't you send individual texts to each of them saying e.g.
'Hey DC, money is a bit tight this Christmas, so unfortunately I won't be able to buy alcoholic drinks this year. Do bring your own if you'd like some. If you're able to contribute any money towards the food shop, I'd really appreciate it. But no worries if not, looking forward to having you over!'

That way it's not fixed price (in case one of them has money to burn!) and you're making them feel welcome regardless. That is, I presume you still want them to come over, even if they can't afford to contribute themselves?

I don't see anything wrong with asking for a contribution from your adult children.
Asking now is not great imo, it should have been something mentioned when talking about it to start with.

I would suck it up this year and tell them to bring their own drinks and then mention that next year since they'll all be adults if they want to have dinner with you then you will need a small contribution for Christmas food each as it's an expensive time of year.

You do sound a bit like you feel entitled to your 17yr olds money for some reason op, it's rubbed me up the wrong way.

Did you miss the bit in OP's opening post where she said she's struggling a bit this year? And also has younger special needs children at home? Why should she pay for everything (and cook it!) when she's no better off than her adult children?

Ask them. Don't feel bad about needing a little help.

Yes, that is perfectly reasonable, if they have decent incomes and even the 17yr old does, then its totally fair.

Helping your kids (even when they become adults) is all very generous but if you are on the breadline yourself, its very generous to invite them around and giving money makes it easier than asking them to bring stuff.

If you have money, subsiding the kids is fine, but they need to learn the realities of life and £15 towards Christmas is a real bargain. Its how I was brought up and I'm pretty good with money now as I appreciate the value.

Did you see the part where she said finances aren’t that bad? She asked for opinions and I gave mine. I wouldn’t do this in her position.

But they must eat something and go shopping surely? What does your daughter feed her kids?They can buy something whenever they normally shop. A week or 2 in advance if necessary

This thread is fucking painful

OP has expressed, stated, explained several times why she will not ask the off spring to do the shopping and wants hard cash

Op just ask for £15 - all of them can stretch to £15 as for them, its not a large amount of money and it will put £45 in your purse to help fund the food at xmas for everyone

Just tell them now so they have time to prepare - if you know when they get paid, all the better as you can remind them all on the days they get money through

If OP does feel this way it could be because the 17yr old is supposed to be living F/T in supported accommodation, but spends half his time living with her, eating her food and even taking some from her fridge back to his own accommodation when he goes there.

Plus all the cakes, sweets soft drinks . Snacks etc etc

Sorry if I’ve missed something but-DS is an adult who works and is on a good wage. You’ve said he works funny hours and finds it hard to shop/cook. So what does he do for food the rest of the year? Many supermarkets are open late or 24 hours. He could buy something (a ready made dessert, vegetable side dish, snacks or nibbles etc) a few days beforehand. I‘m not sure why you think it’s so complicated

Absolutely spot on. I'm sure if OP's three older children were given the choice of contributing £15 to her Christmas food bill so they can all eat at hers on the day, or organise, pay for and cook their own Christmas lunches, they'd be putting their hands in their pockets pronto.

I can’t imagine anyone sorting Christmas on £5 a head. It must be a sad Christmas. Stop defending yourself. Some posters just come on here to be really nasty and want to start a debate (I’ve done this but there’s a line) You are doing a lovely thing for your family. £15 saves them an absolute fortune.

In my family I give £40 if not hosting and take drinks and food and help prepare. Still saves me loads!

Entitled to my 17 years olds money . Nope not at all . 15.00 as a one of is nothing. Ds spends alot of time at my house. He eats here uses the gas and electricity helps himself to food. I do not restrict anything at all. I do not take any money from him for that at all. Even though my income is low

You seem to have a lot of kids?

You're talking about a 17yr old who clearly has some issues he is coping with.
Yes how dare he have some food at his mother's house.

£15 wouldn't even pay for the Turkey let alone anything else and all the trimmings and nibblies - its a bargain!

17 is too young to ask for any contribution he’s still a child. Regardless of how much he gets.

Well, "struggling a bit" and "finances aren't that bad" are pretty much the same thing, but presumably money's tight enough this year for her to even be asking the question on MN.

Read all her posts, overall I’m not getting that impression. As I said, she asked for opinions I gave mine.