Can I ask my kids to pay towards Xmas food shop.

[I4gotmyname]

Would it be bad if I asked my 3 oldest, to give me 15.00 each towards the Xmas food shop. And ask them to pay for the alcohol. As I don't drink.

I'm struggling a bit this year . Not to a massive extent. But a bit of help would be nice. I feel bad though because they are my kids.

Well you can't have it both ways. Either ask them to bring some sweets and cakes or ask them to give you some money or scale it to a cheaper meal.

There are 4 adults and a few kids who you say don't eat much. A bottle of cola, Christmas cake and tub of celebrations will be a tenner from Aldi. You can cook a big roast chicken, potatoes veg gravy stuffing for about a tenner. I'm struggling to see why you need another £40! Obviously you could spend more but there's no need to if you can't afford it

Well that's exactly how it should be shouldn't it?
I have a 17yr old, he lives here full time, eats us out of house and home, he is still a child to me and any money he gets is his.
Ask your adult children if you must but he is still a child and your responsibility in my eyes.

Crikey that sounds like a normal Sunday lunch....its christmas and they will be expecting something special. A Turkey Crown for 4 is £20

Unless you're struggling to provide a christmas dinner (in which case i'd go for it) then i don't think you should ask them.

I think YANBU to say £15 ppph is what previous xmas has cost and they can contribrute this amount or make their changes

What a ludicrous spin on my comment. OP is on a tight budget with younger special needs children at home. She doesn't stop her 17yr old from eating or taking the food, but it's obvious to anyone with an ounce of common sense that this puts even greater pressure on her limited resources. It isn't unreasonable to ask him to pay £15 for food one day a year when she's struggling. Even disabled people are capable of learning that food costs money.

You can cook a big roast chicken, potatoes veg gravy stuffing for about a tenner.

@DinosaurMunch Oh come off it! A tenner for 4 adults …suppose its a Mumsnet chicken !

It might be people are missing it im not sure. Shops are stressful at Xmas time. And it would be to much to manage. If I asked them to go to the shops they would get really stressed

A fiver for a Christmas lunch?
Please let me know where you do your food shopping, there's is no way I could do a meal that cheaply at any supermarket I know about

You really don't get it

If you want to stuff yourself silly and eat a week's worth of food in a day then fair enough, but excluding alcohol, a nice roast dinner plus pudding for 4 can easily be done for £20.

Yes you can buy expensive luxury things that cost a lot more but I don't believe the difference is going to make Christmas sad. More likely you've succumbed to clever advertising. If you're well off that's one thing but living on benefits with lots of kids it wouldn't be a priority to spend over £40 a head on a single meal.

You are with loved ones having a home cooked roast, how could that be sad?

Most 17yr olds are still living full time in the family home and under the parents responsibility, op has that problem halved already and she hasn't explicitly said she can not provide a Christmas dinner for her two adult children and the 17yr old just that it will be a stretch.
Ask the adults, leave the 17yr old child out of until next year.

You are right they don't. Sheltered people who have no idea what its like. You sound like a good mum, follow you instincts.

Of course you should ask them. Say sorry you are asking (and don’t use the word adult since 17 year old really isn’t). Say if they can’t afford it you’ll make do and don’t winge if one (or horrors, all) say they can’t afford it. They probably have no idea you’re struggling this year. XXX I hope you all have a lovely day.

My own income is £81.90pw because I'm a carer for my 8 yr old so yes I do get it, I know exactly how it is and I still disagree with charging a child for Christmas dinner.

You don't have to like it but I think it's wrong.

I give money in a card if someone is hosting me - I don't think there's anything wrong with asking! And definitely ask them to bring their own booze - if you don't drink it's difficult to know what to buy!

Would you be able to detail how you can do it for £20? A typical Christmas lunch, not too extragent but equally something with the expected trimmings, I honestly can't see how it can be so cheap

He also takes food from my house to take back to his accommodation. I wish it was half its really not ... even if it was half. I do not get child related benefits for him.

Yes, at 17 I was still living at home - working and paying rent to my parents.

Thank you.

Sainsbury's.

For example:

Large chicken £6
Bag of potatoes £2
Carrots 89p
Sprouts £1
Parsnips £1
Stuffing £1
Gravy £1
Christmas cake £5
Mince pies £1
Cream £1

Total £20

You could swap out one of the veg for a bottle of pop if you wanted

You said all your kids get quite a bit of money because of benefits & pip etc but then go on to say you get the same and are all similar so no I dont think you should ask for money off them.

No way would I ask for £15 off my child who lives in supported accommodation and he’s 17! Not even an adult so you should be covering his food anyway.

You also haven’t said how old your other kids are?

I think if they’ve left home and/or are earning, you’re fine to ask. Maybe not your 17yo though.

My mum is on a state pension so pretty limited income wise. When I used to go to hers for Xmas as an adult, I contributed and then, when I took over cooking, I started doing the big food shop and paying for it. We also do secret Santa for all the adults with a £50 limit and wish lists to make the cost more manageable and reduce the amount of tat given. We still buy for all the kids but us adults don’t need lots of presents!

Are you saying you love on 81.90 a week . No other household income?

A quick google found this https://beatthebudget.com/recipe/christmas-for-6-under-20/ containing a list and prices. That’s just a main for six people.