Can I ask my kids to pay towards Xmas food shop.

[I4gotmyname]

Would it be bad if I asked my 3 oldest, to give me 15.00 each towards the Xmas food shop. And ask them to pay for the alcohol. As I don't drink.

I'm struggling a bit this year . Not to a massive extent. But a bit of help would be nice. I feel bad though because they are my kids.

It's OK. Ds is working funny hours so it's hard for him to get to the shops /cook. Dd has stuff going on and it's hard for her. And sod knows what the 17 year old would turn up with 🤣

Yes definitely ask for a contribution x

Does your 17 year old live alone?

I think set up a WhatsApp group and just say that money is tight this year so could they please bring something? I take ham and other bits and bobs if I go to my parents’ for Christmas. When they came here, they brought the turkey and mince pies etc. it can be done!

I think it would be absolutely fine to ask each of them to contribute £15.

Yes it's fine they are all adults. I always spend Christmas with my parents, I do the running around as I drive and they don't and pick mum up from work (Supermarket) on Christmas eve and get whatever we still need then so all the veg and bits for boxing day. I wouldn't expect to turn up without contributing and I normally pick up a nice dessert for after dinner. We aren't big drinkers so normally just pick up a bottle of Advocaat and fruit ciders.

I’d just say if you want alcohol bring your own. If you tell them you can’t afford it and they then bring some they may also offer to bring something else to help but I wouldn’t feel right asking for money

Why don’t you say that instead of any presents for you this year you would appreciate a contribution to the dinner and suggest the £15? You might get lucky and still get a present or two plus some money towards the food

Those who live in the home help financially if able ime. Dd gave me an extra £50 this month... We have loads of us and all pop in and out over Xmas...

The 17 year is is supported accommodation. But lives half here and half at the accommodation. It would be money contribution because it complicated things.

No i want a gift 🤣. Everyone has finished their actual Xmas gift shopping anyway.

17 year old gets quite a bit of money.

I wouldn't be charging the 17 yo.

Maybe just say all bring your own drinks, and in the case of the older two please bring a dessert or chocolates to share.

It’s disability benefits though, no?

Are you also on benefits? If you are then you should ask your family for help, it’s a huge cost for someone on benefits. If you can do it without though I would as your DS 17 and DD sound quite hard up as it is.

Of course it's fine! I'm an adult going to my mum's for Christmas and I'll be contributing to the cost! All working adults should do this!

I'd like to think I wouid be able to be honest with my dc about my fiancances and they would help out

.

Yes, I think it's totally OK OP for you to ask for a financial contribution to the additional expense of you "hosting" Christmas. I presume your 17yr old lives with you and pays you rent out of his UC, so there's certainly nothing wrong with asking him for extra at Christmas. And your adult DS and DD should be prepared to contribute to the cost of doing something they'd have to do themselves in their homes if not for you (and not just the cost, but the effort required to do it too). Adult and near-adult children need to learn, "there's no such thing as a free lunch" - literally! 😊

I wouldn't ask for a financial contribution but I'd tell them you can't afford alcohol so if they want to drink they need to bring their own. Then give each one a contribution to bring such as nibbles, dessert or whatever. It's all the extras that I find expensive. A roast dinner is cheap enough (I got a decent bit of beef for 3 of us for a tenner in Asda) but add in the "picky bits" and booze and it soon rockets.

Totally fine. I'd ask them to bring whatever they want to drink themselves, let them know you'll only have soft drinks in.

Why not ask them to bring the alcohol and mixers? Another if they have less money could bring the pudding

Def ask them to contribute and buy their own booze @I4gotmyname

I hope they're mature enough to respond positively. If not don't buy any booze and buy just enough food and keep treats to a minimum.

The 17 year old gets 700 a month . He pays 40.00 a month towards his accommodation which includes utilities. He lives half here at home and half in the accommodation.

Dd gets quite a bit of money to .

I also have younger children with special needs so we are all kind of simlar.

To be honest it sounds like everyone in your family is in a tight situation. I would just be open and upfront and say Christmas dinner won’t have all the bells and whistles but you’re happy for anyone to contribute or bring food so you all have a bit extra. There’s no point anyone (including you) over extending yourself for the sake of 1 day

Sorry to hear you’re struggling so much OP. I don’t know your financial situation but many people posting will be doing so from a place of privilege where they wouldn’t have to go without or worry about being able to pay the bills if they provided their family with a Christmas dinner and alcohol. Nobody knows how much you need the money or how your children will react to being asked except you. I’d just message something like ‘Things are a bit tight here so I would really appreciate a small contribution to Christmas dinner. Whatever you can afford. I won’t have any alcohol in so bring your own if you would like some.’

I absolutely would never ever ask someone coming to a meal I hosted to pay. If I couldn't afford it, I wouldn't offer at all or say you can't afford to and ask dd to host or something similar.

We were asked for 30 quid per head one year. It was the last year we went, and now we host.

I would specifically ask then to bring something...ie the 17 yrs old could bring a pudding, one the crackers and cheese and the other the wine. That way, you know those expenses are covered and can cater the rest.

Tbh though, I'm not sure I could bring myself to be asking a 17 yrs old to contribute more than helping to clear the table and with washing up. They're still a kid really.