Can I ask my kids to pay towards Xmas food shop.

[I4gotmyname]

Would it be bad if I asked my 3 oldest, to give me 15.00 each towards the Xmas food shop. And ask them to pay for the alcohol. As I don't drink.

I'm struggling a bit this year . Not to a massive extent. But a bit of help would be nice. I feel bad though because they are my kids.

I couldn’t ask for money….not from my own children,….ask for a food contribution yes…but money no…it taints Christmas imo….and regardless whether your 17 year old gets pip….asking a child for a monetary contribution to Christmas food will never be ok

Why? When I started work at 17, I paid rent to my parents - I wouldn't have considered not doing so.

I think it's a little cold to ask your guests to contribute so last minute.

I'd say they can buy and bring their own alcohol but I wouldn't be charging a 17yr old anything at all no.
Have you got them presents as well?

Oh you should try this, every little bit counts 😂

Yeah I don’t think that’s a lot to be honest. And DD has her own housing costs I presume? If you really need to charge then you’ll have to, I’m sure you wouldn’t if there were anyway around it.

I spend more on bits when I visit my parents through the year!

Given the timing though, I'd just tell them you're providing tea/coffee/whatever but if they want alcohol to just bring what they want to drink.

close family know each others’curcumstances. The OP’s kids will know her situation and that things are tough….so being asked to contribute really shouldn’t be a big deal,because families support each other.

It doesn’t matter that lots of people wouldn’t need to or want to ask their kids to contribute and wouldn’t consider asking a teenager…everyone’s circumstances are different.

Being together and having a nice meal together is what’s important. If that needs people to contribute a bit, then so be it. It is probably easier for them to give money than leave them to buy stuff and not know exactly what will arrive.

Not everyone has spare cash in the bank so they can lay on a lavish Christmas for their family. OP would probably prefer not to ask, but if that’s what’s needed for Christmas to happen, I think it’s fine. It always surprises me that people cannot empathise and realise not everyone is in the same situation as themselves.

And with family there should be no shame. If things are tight, you should be able to tell your family members. These are not little kids who need protecting from the realities and most young adult kids would rather know and help out than their parent struggle. Being too proud to ask for help from family is daft.

Provide the Christmas food. It can be as cheap or as expensive as you like. You don’t drink (and that’s the expensive bit), so just say if you want a drink you’ll have to bring it. That’s totally reasonable.

It’s not really the last minute though there is over two weeks to go. OP, be honest and say you need them to help out this year by giving a modest financial contribution and buying their own alcohol.

This is what I’d do

Yes, ask them all for a contribution. Do it.

This. It won't complicate things. One can bring a dessert (loads of lovely ready made desserts in the shops at xmas) one can bring crackers and one can bring wine or a cheeseboard. All those things are about £15.

These aren’t just any old guests - these are closest family - OP’s kids. Family should be honest with each other. It’s not ‘cold’ to ask for a contribution if that’s what’s needed. My parents wouldn’t need to ask me for help, but if they did, I’d really hope they would ask.

You absolutely can ask for a contribution. Ideally do it at the point of inviting them. If it's too late for that, then ask ASAP so any of them who are on a tight budget can plan ahead for it.

That way they have the choice of come to yours and pay the £15, or make other arrangements. I'm sure they'll choose to join you! The amount seems quite fair.

No this is shit sorry. If money is tight you could have done charity shop presents, no presents at all or just suggest bringing something. Don’t charge your kids to come to you for a meal. If they host you in future will they then charge you?

honestly seems a bit unfair on the DS especially. DD is an adult and would get food for 3 people (her and her 2 DC) and drinks for £15, but youngest DS pays the same just for himself despite being a 17 y/o in supported accommodation?

I wouldn't buy alcohol if you don't drink it so would tell them to bring their own drinks if they want to drink alcohol, and a dessert each. Other than that christmas dinner is just a sunday dinner with a few extras, so don't really see how it could cost an extra £45.

I know you've said it would complicate things to ask them to bring stuff but I don't really see how? If all 3 bring a dessert everyone will surely like at least one of them, then you just do turkey (or alternative, tesco has beef and pork joints at less than half price, from about a fiver up atm) and trimmings.

Things are not really overly bad . Its just tighter than before. I have never had to ask before I have always just done it. They still have good Xmas gifts etc . It's just I didn't really think about the food side of things . I mean og they turned round and said thru wrte skint I would still manage. Just be nice if there was a little help

Well it’s £15 each and unless circumstances are utterly dire that should be affordable for everyone. OP will get £45 off the Christmas Day dinner shop which is not much and she will still be contributing the much larger amount. Go for it OP, I wouldn’t be offended in the slightest if my mum asked this.

As you don’t drink, I think it’s totally acceptable for you not to provide alcohol though. They should bring it if they can’t go without

Absolutely tell them if they want booze they need to bring their own.

If you want to host but can’t afford a big dinner and all the trimmings, can you scale it back a bit? Do a big bolognaise for lunch, get a Christmas pudding, buffet bits for tea. Then no-one needs to spend ages in the kitchen cooking, you can all chill a bit and enjoy the little ones opening their presents.

You don’t HAVE to do a big dinner, and the more relaxed you are, the more relaxed everyone else will be.

A 17yr old is still a child though and he doesn't even live with you full time, still pays towards his accommodation.

Why is it complicated to give them a specific item of food to bring and then say if they want alcohol they can bring their own?

Sorry but that feels really off to me and I send my mum money for the entire month of December for food.

A 17 year old is a child….your child…..regardless of what benefits they get….you can’t take money from your 17 year old to ‘pay’ for their Christmas meal….just no

This is where family pull together. Sorry you’re not teaching your kids this. If my parents ever fell on hard times (they’d probably be too proud to ask) Me and my sister would be there in a second.