Can I ask my kids to pay towards Xmas food shop.

[I4gotmyname]

Would it be bad if I asked my 3 oldest, to give me 15.00 each towards the Xmas food shop. And ask them to pay for the alcohol. As I don't drink.

I'm struggling a bit this year . Not to a massive extent. But a bit of help would be nice. I feel bad though because they are my kids.

It's nothing to do with being defensive. What should I do just nod? . If someone digs at me, trists whats been said , totally dismisses the situation. Feels the need to sau something nasty. Then surely i have a right time reply to that and not just take it. Before it's said yes I know not everyone has done that.

Or should I have just written my op then taken everything thrown at me . And say nothing.

Ok but why leave the bit out where he has a disposable income of 660 a month

You have to do what you have to do. I’m not judging you - I’m telling you how it came across to me - which was defensive. Of course you must answer if that feels right to you but unfortunately in a public forum it has consequences and that consequence in my case was you coming across defensive. I wasn’t nasty or judge you I told you my opinion - take it or leave it.

@Sunshine1500
And the fact that he'll be 18 in March. He is barely a "kid" anymore. I was working and paying rent to my parents at 17 and I could never imagine not doing that once I had an income.

But why should she have to do it on a budget? If the adult DC can afford to contribute then they should. Either that or they take it in turns to host. But it's not fair for all the expense to be on one person. If it's shared between them it takes the pressure off the host.

My kids would be pretty pissed of /upset if that was our Xmas food shop.

Agree with PP who said easiest thing is not to provide alcohol (which is often the most expensive part) and let them know this is because you have to cut back this year but they are welcome to provide their own.

I wouldn’t get in to asking for money for food contributions personally, but cut back on extra things you might buy instead such as sweets and chocolates, snacks, extra puddings extra side dishes.

Again, you can tell them you are doing that.

But most 17yrs old live at homme and are financially dependant on the parent - this one does not live at home and is financially independent with a really good disposable income. That is where the difference lay and that is why its OK to ask him.

It may also make him think about financial responsibility and consideration for others

The 17yo probably has way more disposable income than his mum

Hi 14,
I don't usually answer MumsNet posts, but I'm so astounded at some of the responses people have sent that I just have to say something.

I think that anyone who read your Original Post could see that you don't have endless funds (as some MumsNetters apparently do). If £45 is going to make the Christmas food bill easier to manage, I think people shouldn't be trying to shame you into who you should and shouldn't ask for a contribution. Plus ... you're not asking them to "pay for" their Christmas meals, you're asking them to CONTRIBUTE a little!

My suggestion is that you simply tell them that money's a bit tight and would they please put in to the food bill. "£15 (or £20) would help me a lot."

Then, whether they contribute or not, think about addressing the whole question of what they do and don't pay for throughout the year. It may be time for a few life lessons here and there, to help them to understand that when they were children you paid for everything, but now they have incomes of their own it's time for them to share the costs. (And that includes your 17yo ~ he may be technically a child, but I think it's more relevant that he has some money of his own and needs to be learning how to budget for himself.)

Whatever you do, I hope you have a really wonderful Christmas, with all your family. You've obviously done a great job of bringing them up, that they all want to come to yours for Christmas.

No, I don’t think you can host Christmas and ask guests to pay towards it. Regardless of whether or not they’re family. You could ask them to bring a bottle as you won’t be buying alcohol this year.

I suggest over Xmas dinner, you suggest a rota and somebody else hosts next year. Obviously that doesn’t help this year, perhaps another thread for hosting on a budget. And re-consider how realistic it is for you to host every year.

That does not work .

Sometimes you just have to live within your means. That’s a pretty good Christmas meal, I’d try to turkey instead. I think that poster did a great job, that’s plenty. I’d be happy if we were invited for a Christmas dinner and that’s what was on offer, it’s a meal, a few snacks and desert!! I can’t imagine why anyone would be pissed off by it

I’m sure one of the other adults in the family can host. If not, don’t host and come together for nibbles instead of a main meal next year.

So just have Christmas on your own…..get together another day for a few snacks which is affordable

Thank you . I do think some replies are for the sake of debate to be honest.

I am going to ask them to help . If I said nothing and done Christmas dinner and treats etc on an overly tight budget . They would be pretty pissed off and disappointed. All because its wrong to ask them to help. And I would feel like I ruined Xmas day because I didn't ask for help and it all ended up crap .

No way. You have absolutely no idea you really don't. I'm not even going to guess you a full reply

You don't drink so why should you buy alcohol - let the boozers bring their own!

As regards the cost of Christmas, ask your family to bring certain items towards the Christmas meal because you're having a buffet-style do this year instead of a sit down meal. Provide a list of things you'd expect to have at a Christmas buffet and ask them who's buying what from the list - make it clear you won't go out grocery shopping until they say what they're going to bring so you don't end up with duplicates of anything.

Perfectly reasonable! Any that live at home should be paying towards their keep if they are receiving wages or benefits anyway, any not living at home should be offering to contribute without you asking, and yes they supply their own booze!

You 17 year old with pip and uc will be receiving enough for food and they should be giving you about half their uc for food if you are feeding them, utilities etc (they won't get the rent element living at home)

Christmas is about family....you want her to be with the kids she has on their own, the two single ones on their own and the young mum with her kids on her own....really. Your middle name isn't Grinch is it!

And each of them will have to pay more than £15 to sort their own out so its a lose, lose all around - smart thinking (NOT)!

If the three with income can't afford to contribute to her Christmas gathering then they can't afford to host for 8+ people???

Christmas is about family....you want her to be with the kids she has on their own, the two single ones on their own and the young mum with her kids on her own....really.

And each of them will have to pay more than £15 to sort their own out so its a lose, lose all around - smart thinking (NOT)!

The OP is suggesting a practical solution that brings them all together to share a special day and shares the financial hit amongst those with an income. Sounds like win/win to me.

Could also add . No one drives . There's no public transport Xmas day . They will be staying over a night or 2 . I'm the only one who had space for people to stay and that can also accommodate for the special needs etc.

Mine would be as well.

Then you need to be asking for more than £15 each and don't feel guilty.

15.00 will be ok plus I'm also telling them to sort the drink 45 will easy pay for the goodies. And couple of extra added to the roast.