How to manage child being disappointed re Xmas present?

[coffeepulease]

I gave my mother (child's granny) a specific toy idea for my son's Christmas gift- something that was amongst a list of about 4 things he's keen on. Since that time he's started talking about this one toy a lot, and seems even more keen / hopeful it might be under the tree.

Difficulty is that we are not seeing Granny until the 27th, so on the day itself he'll have other lovely things to unwrap but not the special toy.

If I'd known how much he had begin to like this toy I might have bought it myself and let Granny get something different since she won't be seeing him on the day itself.

She's already bought the toy and is looking forward to giving it to DS on the 27th.

Other than saying "ooh perhaps Santas been to Granny's home too" how can I manage his (potential) disappointed reaction on Xmas day at not getting the one toy he wanted but without saying "Granny's got it" and spoiling the surprise for them both?

Forgot to say, he's 4 years old in reception.

Honestly, I would very heavily hint that Santa's been to Granny's and left gifts, including a very 'X' shaped box. Or get her to send a photo of it wrapped and play a game guessing what it could be.

Obviously learning to manage your disappointments is part of life but I wouldn't personally make that happen in this situation.

Speak to granny and explain. Offer her the money and another idea for a gift (or purchase it and exchange yours for hers). Don’t let your child be disappointed on Christmas Day to placate granny’s feelings.

Hopefully, he'll be sufficiently excited about Father Christmas having been and other presents that he'll forget about this specific toy.

If not, just remind him 'we haven't been to see Granny yet and I bet she's got a present for you'!.

My 2 cents….

swap with her for something you bought (eg give her the paw patrol tower you bought and she gives you the peppa pig dr kit or whatever) so he has for Xmas.

if she won’t because she needs to be the bestower of this specific gift because SHE needs to see the joy then that’s kind of fucked up and i don’t have time for that nonsense.
I would buy that specific toy so my child had it on Xmas day and let her kick off when he is non plussed at getting a second one

at 8-9 they understand but at 4 it’s not cool.
I would not let my child be disappointed on a Christmas Day when they believe in Santa

we always did a few small presents from Santa and the rest from us. They loved their Santa presents and learnt to appreciate the ones from us too. This approach would help you explain that granny may have bought the extra present.

Don't do this.

Worse case. Before she wraps it, get her to take a photo of her with the present. Or do a video call with similar.

He then KNOWS he's getting it, seeing Granny is something to look forward to and he gets to play with his other toys on Christmas Day.

He can still have it wrapped too.

AND he learns a little patience in the process.

FGS just remind him that Santa picks a special present to bring that no one else has for him and perhaps someone else has got it for him.

If you think Christmas morning, on the few years a child believes in Father Christmas, is the time to teach patience then I feel sorry for your children. The child is super excited about Christmas. Why can’t granny get something else instead? It not even December, she has plenty of time. Plus, telling granny to take a picture of herself with it to show the child defies the point of wrapping it and surprising the child.

Get a Santa stop here sign at your mums so he knows to go there too.
Im sure just the magic you create and your presents will tide him over to 27th (hopefully)
Don't get yourself in a tizzy worrying about what might happen. Enjoy the magic with your boy.
Having said that if he’s kicking off big time you may need better advice than mine 😂

We always had presents from FC left at granny's growing up. When we phoned to say happy Christmas etc she would say 'ooh Father Christmas left something here for you'. It was just part of growing up and I didn't think anything of it.

This is what I’d do as well 😂 but we don’t really do Santa.

I think it's important learning.
You can't always have what you want. Tbh it's life. And guess he has a load of presents and love on Christmas day.
And he is lucky to get his present at Gran a few days later.

Something I also did was to tell them that Santa would decide which presents he gets at home and which he got a grandmas.
They never got upset, more excited about more presents to open to be honest

I had this a couple of years ago (I think when daughter was 3). She was a bit disappointed/confused that the game she had mentioned every time she met FC didn’t come from him, but I explained that he only brings little gifts and family buy the big things (that’s how it is in our house). I said I’d mentioned it to a few family members and maybe she’d get it from someone else. She was fine with it, Christmas was not ruined, and she was super excited when she actually got it.

Id start laying the ground work now OP! ‘Santa can’t bring everything on your list, I’ve mentioned things to granny, auntie Pat and uncle Joe, maybe you might get things from them too if Santa doesn’t bring it!’ Hopefully should minimise any disappointment.

Agree

Granny very kindly got a toy that she was asked to get, I think it's ridiculous that people are saying ask her to get something else. Tell ds that if santa doesn't bring the toy that means he is getting it from someone else. It sounds like he is getting lots of nice things that he wants, it's not going to ruin his childhood having to wait a couple of days.

modgepodge we do that too, santa just brings the stocking fillers, we buy the bigger gifts.

I think in your situation I’d ask granny for advice. Explain the problem and how does she think you should manage his disappointment, that some people you’ve asked for advice have said this should be a learning experience and this is how kids work out Father Christmas isn’t real. Others that you should swap granny’s gift for one of the others on his list so Father Christmas brings X, you don’t know what to do, what does she think?

she’ll probably offer to swap. This is your mum or mother-in-law, this is someone you should be able to have this conversation with.

I remember there being several things I really wanted for Christmas as a child which did not materialise. Yes, I was disappointed at the time but it is a good learning curve. Also it is still almost a month until Christmas Day and he may very well change his mind about what he would like from Santa and the current much coveted gift may not be as important by then.

Can you put a little note in his stocking from Santa saying something like “I stopped at Granny’s house and left a special gift there that I know you will really love. Granny really wanted to see you open it so I left it there for you.”

Agree. We’ve had a few (unplanned, unanticipated) situations like this and they’ve reacted really well and learned something from it. I wouldn’t go around deliberately setting up a life lesson like this but I wouldn’t change something that has emerged like this through coincidence.

Same her. And Santa leaves a small present in return for milk, cookies and carrots.
I would find it very odd to ask grandparents to say their gifts were from Santa.

I'm amazed at some of the entitlement here!
Santa brings one present plus a small gift here. The kids write a list and know that Santa will only bring one thing from there.

The rest of the presents come from us.

Christmas is supposed to be about the magic - not pandering to any whim. Let your mum buy him the gift. He'll have that much on Xmas day that he won't notice anything else. 4 year olds never do