How to manage child being disappointed re Xmas present?

[coffeepulease]

I gave my mother (child's granny) a specific toy idea for my son's Christmas gift- something that was amongst a list of about 4 things he's keen on. Since that time he's started talking about this one toy a lot, and seems even more keen / hopeful it might be under the tree.

Difficulty is that we are not seeing Granny until the 27th, so on the day itself he'll have other lovely things to unwrap but not the special toy.

If I'd known how much he had begin to like this toy I might have bought it myself and let Granny get something different since she won't be seeing him on the day itself.

She's already bought the toy and is looking forward to giving it to DS on the 27th.

Other than saying "ooh perhaps Santas been to Granny's home too" how can I manage his (potential) disappointed reaction on Xmas day at not getting the one toy he wanted but without saying "Granny's got it" and spoiling the surprise for them both?

No, I'm not saying that at all.
I'm saying that granny's feelings matter.
There is no need to swap the gift, said gift is from granny and you'll get it when you see granny. Simple. My son had gifts posted from Grandma at 4, and he knew Grandma had chosen and sent them - he appreciated them even more knowing that.

Well I completely disagree..this is a four year old he has mentioned this particular toy I and my late mother would want him to have that special toy on that morning.

Honestly any adults who don't need a serious head wobble!

It won't do him any harm to get the present from granny when he sees granny. It'll be lovely for them to spend time together and for him to receive the gift in person.

Nope. Nope, nope not on my nor my late mothers watch.

Special mentioned toy would be there Xmas morning. No way would I risk an upset. My children always had their mentioned toys. No way their grandparents would have settled for less.

So your standard for Xmas morning is it won't do him any harm ,🤦‍♀️

I get that you don't agree with me.
I've explained several times why this really is a non-issue, and have no desire to read any more passive aggressive insults from you. Happy Christmas when it comes.

You see a child being upset and disappointed on Xmas morning as a non issue. I completely don't understand that

This reads like your 4 year old child is expecting every toy he has expressed an interest in.
Why?

Some of these responses are crazy.

Of course he waits for the 27th and gets a lovely gift from granny then. He'll have lots more to open and enjoy on Christmas Day.

🫣🫣🫣🫣
Passive aggressive is not a good look, stop now.

The child won't be disappointed and upset if the mother manages this beforehand, as already stated several times.

I agree.
It also shows how some parents are completely inept at managing situations and preparing their children for different eventualities.

No wonder everyone expects everything they want, and now!

I totally agree a 4 yo will notice and is likely to be disappointed. I'm amazed at the people who think they won't notice.

Maybe my kids are hard to please but for different reasons I've had tears from both my kids around that age thinking Santa let them down not getting them the thing they really wanted. And neither of them was a big expensive toy one might have been Rubble from Paw Patrol.

We all hype kids up so much for Santa, advent calendars, Santa visits, parties, carrots mince pies, NORAD tracks Santa, and that's without adding in Elf's on Shelfs or Christmas Eve boxes.

Some of these responses are crazy.

Indeed, such a simple solution for a £10 gift to be swapped with Granny so a 4 year old can have a special surprise from Santa, but no a 4 year old needs expectation management and resilience apparently. You guys have some weird relationships with your parents, this would be such a non issue between my mum and I.

If you tell them in advance then they won't have to notice, they'll already know (and have something else to look forward to).

No need to swap.
A four year old is perfectly capable of understanding that the gift from granny is from granny. If you have to do the Santa thing then you can make something up about Santa knowing Grandma really wanted to buy you this and so he brought you other things. It's really not complicated. Lots of children are learning to deal with disappointment at that age, they're surprisingly resilient. I'm not sure who started promoting the idea that they always get everything they want at Christmas, because that's simply not true, lots of people can vouch for that!

Why would you need to swap, though?

It's not like he'll get nothing on Christmas Day - he'll get his stocking and lots of other gifts, then the added bonus of getting another present he loves two days later!

So you then have them asking "Can we go to Grans" constantly for the next two days.

How do you actually put into a sentence at the 4yo steeped in Santa understands and without ruining the magic of Christmas, as they are putting out mince pies and carrots, before they go to bed remember Santa won't bring your toy you've been asking about for weeks Granny will have the thing you really want but you won't see her for another two days?

Or if you tell them too soon they'll be asking Granny in advance- can I get my Christmas present.
Actually that might be another way to avoid disappointment visit Gran the weekend before Christmas.
But id swap and i think most adults would

Christmas is not the time for teaching 4yos life lessons on you don't get everything you want or a lesson in patience.

My DC have presents at home in the morning, then presents from my family at my mums in the afternoon, then presents from their dad boxing day. They kniw it cones in stages, it's always been that way, no no disappointment.

Just start dropping in the FC goes to nannies House too.

And you consistently say no, then distract them with something else.
I've explained already how to deal with the Santa issue.
I'd also argue that christmas is the perfect time to teach about realistic expectations and patience, as well as being grateful. Make it the norm. Children are growing and learning, so while they do sometimes struggle with emotions etc, they do learn really well by example (obviously this is harder for some SEN kids).

Just say that santa picks the gift he wants to get from the list and then everyone else can choose and nanny chose that one.

Im all for not giving the fat man all the credit. Its just setting yourself up for more lies and work with no recognition for your hard work.

I had a huge family when I was growing up.

We always knew you got presents in various stages because they came from different people.

It made Xmas even more exciting because presents weren't all opened by 7am on Xmas morning, and Xmas lasted for days.

It wasn't scarring.

I'd swap gifts around but that's me I've got the t-shirt over crying for gifts they didn't get.

Santa delivers most things in my house too, he brings a couple of things himself, but delivers everything.

But if you definitely don't want to swap, then you need him to "Ask Granny for that gift" And every time he mentions it you say "Remember you asked Gran for that" reinforce that Gran won't let him down but he'll need to wait.

A letter from Santa explaining that he has left a special present arlt Granny's house?

This. OP if he brings up the toy he really wants between now and Christmas just say that he will have to wait and see what Santa chooses and explain that he can’t have everything on his list. Remind him that he has lots of gifts from family as well so he will have many lovely surprises.

i really think you are overthinking this. I truly hope he will be so pre-occupied by a crazy stocking gift that he forgets about the toy he wants! Mine always searched the stocking for the flavoured “kids” toothpaste as I always made them have mint but Santa supplied the bubblegum or strawberry flavours 😂. The tiny cheap things in the stocking were always the winners on Christmas morning.

have a lovely Christmas !