How to manage child being disappointed re Xmas present?

[coffeepulease]

I gave my mother (child's granny) a specific toy idea for my son's Christmas gift- something that was amongst a list of about 4 things he's keen on. Since that time he's started talking about this one toy a lot, and seems even more keen / hopeful it might be under the tree.

Difficulty is that we are not seeing Granny until the 27th, so on the day itself he'll have other lovely things to unwrap but not the special toy.

If I'd known how much he had begin to like this toy I might have bought it myself and let Granny get something different since she won't be seeing him on the day itself.

She's already bought the toy and is looking forward to giving it to DS on the 27th.

Other than saying "ooh perhaps Santas been to Granny's home too" how can I manage his (potential) disappointed reaction on Xmas day at not getting the one toy he wanted but without saying "Granny's got it" and spoiling the surprise for them both?

I just think fucking spoilt brats tbh.

Of course a four year old can wait and cope with that. It's just about parents managing expectations before hand rather than winding their kids up.

I don't get the angst over this at all.

Perfect time to teach him now that Santa doesn't bring everything you ask for, and that other people get him presents too.
If he's disappointed on the day, teach him that he can still be pleased with what Santa does bring him. Gifts are an act of generosity, not a request list.
Waiting an extra couple of days to open a present from his grandma will do him no harm at all, he should appreciate it all the more when he gets it.
Don't tell him in advance or take it away from grandma, that's really unfair on her.

I think your being a bit harsh calling 4 yo little kids brats.

Santa only brings stockings here and by 4 mine ones they got presents from others who would ask me what they liked.

At this age, he'll probably be so excited on Christmas day that he'll just forget about about the much wanted present. If he says anything, just remind him that there is a very special present coming from Nan. He's young enough that that won't spoil the surprise - he'll be really excited, but won't be sure that that is what she is giving him.

I don't think I am. Even 4 year olds can understand that 'I want doesn't get'.

We have a generation of over indulged kids to the point that we no longer recognise just how over indulged they are.

Yes 4 year olds can be brats. I would not have let DS behave like that at 4.

Agree . So much drama over a bloody toy .

I wouldn't 'manage' anything.
He will have plenty of other presents to open and I wouldn't twist myself in knots worrying about the precious poppet not having enough and feeling disappointed.

He is 4, old enough to not throw a wobbly if he doesn't get something he wants.
Appreciation is a much nice lesson to teach than greed or expectation 🤷‍♀️

Unless you have a particularly difficult relationship with your mum I think it’s completely reasonable to explain the situation and ask her to swap a gift with you or Santa. I assume your mum is familiar with 4 year-olds… that’s an age where he might be so fixated on that gift that he’s upset not to see it regardless of what else he gets on the day or he might not notice it’s missing at all and it’s hard to predict which. If she’s not keen or you don’t want to risk an argument then I’d just tell him on the day that there are more gifts at granny’s and redirect to the gifts he did get. And if someone has already given gift vouchers/money then you could suggest using those to buy the wished-for gift after Christmas (obviously doing so will become unnecessary once he opens your mum’s gift).

I don’t know why people are saying to tell him Santa is bringing gifts to Granny’s. Surely the gifts from Granny are from Granny, not Santa? Why would people teach their kids that only Santa brings gifts? That’s seems sad for so many reasons.

Lower your child's expectations so they think there's no chance they'll get it.

''Father C's elves all have very sore throats so they can't make any 'xyzeds' this year. Poor elves - lets hope they're better for next year'' #leave extra mince pie out

Then he'll be especially excited when he actually gets it.

It's fine, and important, for children to experience a little disappointment. Otherwise their expectations will become unmanageable.

(Baaaaah humbug )

You don’t need to be afraid of a 4 yr old. He doesn’t even need to get what he wants. He’s lucky to get anything. I’m baffled and amused by this thread

Dd chooses something she wants and once she has (small gift £20 ish) then the man in red buys it and leaves with her stocking

Everything else is from me , friends family etx

So far she has never changed her mind. Now nearly 8

I've told her from early age that once she says something and sure she wants it , we write a letter to fc and she can't change her mind as he would have bought /made it

She gets really excited that fc will bring xyz

She has many things on her list and I said most of it will got

By me or one of the above

But maybe not everything

Always have done a small Fc pressie as selfishly I want the credit if she wants a big costly thing and for her to know I had to go to work /save for it

If Santa is still alive and well in your household, you could tell DC in advance that Santa was about to put his special toy on the sleigh when he saw that Granny had rushed ahead and bought it him for him first! So DC needs to enjoy Christmas and then sit tight until the 27th when he'll get his very best present on its very own day.

Just tell him granny is getting him that and he’ll get it when he sees her after Christmas so what other special present would he like to ask Santa for?

Hope you’re not giving Santa all the credit for everyone’s generosity & thoughtfulness. Stocking & 1 small gift from FC and everything else comes from whoever bought it. Much better than a disappointed boy on Christmas Day.

I wouldn't worry about it he has other gifts to open and most years the thing my child has at top of list on the day is the thing they end up not being fussed about until later!

And you wonder why kids are growing into entitled brats these days…

People go on about plastic pollution and yet buy their kids every single thing they want.

For crying out loud the kid has put FOUR things on a wish list and ONE seems to becoming more important than the others.

Is not like the kids circled half the Argos catalogue and doesn't really know what they want.

I don't thing child is a brat. But parents go too far not to disappoint a child - tbh it's a part of life not to get everything wanted and if children don't learn this they are set up for failing.

The child is lucky and gets all 4!

Santa was about to put his special toy on the sleigh when he saw that Granny had rushed ahead and bought it him for him first! So DC needs to enjoy Christmas and then sit tight until the 27th when he'll get his very best present on its very own day

Don’t spoil granny’s gift without at least talking to her first 🤦‍♀️

My mum would rather the child was happy than be giving the best gift.
id explain situation and buy it off her because hes 4 and at 4 they deserve the magic of Santa getting just the right toy

Thanks, this is the best, simplest response.

OP here- just clarifying:

1. I was only asking how to word things with my son if he noticed the absence of the special present and was disappointed.

1. Ive never considered changing Granny's present or anything, as I said in the OP.

1. Santa is basically a glorified Amazon delivery driver in our house, so DS knows that we / his other relatives have chosen and bought the presents. Santa delivers them and brings a stocking as well. (Side note, we've always said this otherwise how do you teach DC to say thank you when a person gives them a present? Ie if they think it was Santa who made it / paid for it?)

It’s not about not having “enough”, nobody said that! It’s about him being disappointed that the one toy he really wants won’t be there on Christmas morning.

So many assumptions and calling kids spoilt brats or “precious poppet” when nobody has a clue what the gift is! It could be a £10 toy for all we know, and it sounds like it’s the only thing he really wants. Hardly bloody spoiled.

The funny thing is, the gift is actually a £10 toy!

He's not getting anything massive / plastic as suggested above and his list is quite modest I think.