How to manage child being disappointed re Xmas present?

[coffeepulease]

I gave my mother (child's granny) a specific toy idea for my son's Christmas gift- something that was amongst a list of about 4 things he's keen on. Since that time he's started talking about this one toy a lot, and seems even more keen / hopeful it might be under the tree.

Difficulty is that we are not seeing Granny until the 27th, so on the day itself he'll have other lovely things to unwrap but not the special toy.

If I'd known how much he had begin to like this toy I might have bought it myself and let Granny get something different since she won't be seeing him on the day itself.

She's already bought the toy and is looking forward to giving it to DS on the 27th.

Other than saying "ooh perhaps Santas been to Granny's home too" how can I manage his (potential) disappointed reaction on Xmas day at not getting the one toy he wanted but without saying "Granny's got it" and spoiling the surprise for them both?

Love this idea of a picture of presents under granny's tree on Christmas day! Keeps the excitement going.

Remember Santa sometimes teaches children to be really patient by delivering some of the presents they are excited about to their granny's. But don't build anything up too much!

Right, but then he wonders why granny didn't get him a gift. Or else she's out of pocket twice buying one that comes from her...

I've found always that the dc are so excited they don't really notice the absence of one even much wanted present.

I'd not say anything and if on the day he notices then either "we don't always get everything we ask for. You have a lovely...." and talk about what he does have, and get him excited about these presents.
That's what I'd do. It's a good learning curve for next year when he asks for a real life nuclear submarine that goes under the sea and a pair of model airplanes that really fly with heat seeking missiles (ds' Christmas list age 5yo)....

Or you can say "well granny etc haven't given their presents yet, so maybe they'll get it for you," which may work better at the time.
However, you've then got the risk that another year he decides that granny has got the thing he wants and you didn't get for good reason, then is very disappointed. Or he is too excited about getting that present that he doesn't really appreciate what he has.
Another alternative if he has someone who has given money, you can say that that's probably enough for him to buy it if he wants, and you'll have a look later (and then wait until after the 27th).

I think it would be a bit mean to take the pleasure of buying it and seeing his reaction from granny because it's suddenly the present he wants.
He may change his mind in the next month anyway.

Fair enough. It was just a suggestion.

Maybe it is time to confess that Santa isn’t real and you and granny buy the gifts and that’s why granny has a gift for him.

The lies and stories will just pile up year on year otherwise.

Can't she just post it and you give her something else to give him from your stash ?

That would be sad.
I would revise the amount of gifts from Santa. Not the magic.

It's fine. He'll be so excited he won't really notice. If he does, just say you'll go to the shop and have a look for it in the Christmas sales and see if you can find it. Even Santa makes mistakes sometimes.

Santa brings one present plus a small gift here

Is your Santa Rachel Reeves with a fake beard?

I'd have a word with Granny see if you can swap gifts around.
Nobody wants tears on Christmas morning. The kids 4 probably the first year they really get the whole Santa thing. You have 3 maybe 4 years of them really believing let them really enjoy it.

Christmas Eve baby, might have been 3 rather than 4 was crying 😢 😭 on his Birthday. Took us ages to get him to calm down enough to tell us what was wrong, Santa hadn't brought the £5 toy he wanted. Santa's tomorrow. This is your Birthday!

Is there a gift that goes with it you could get for him to open on Christmas Day?

Ask to swap it with Granny. Explain like how you have here that he has become increasingly excited about it and is very hopeful that FC will bring it. Surely she would want him to have that joy.

I had a similar situation once and I ended up swapping. It worked out just fine. My DCs have been taught patience at many different times in life. Christmas morning at 4yo shouldn't be one of them.

Exactly. He's old enough to understand that Santa might not bring a present if a family member has bought it for him.

Or tell him that granny got a letter from Santa telling her he is delivering a Very Special Present to her house

I can't believe the number of people who think Christmas morning after weeks of excitement and hyping kids up to the max is the time to teach kids patience.

I think some people forget just how little 4 actually is.

It's not this. It's just that he probably won't notice because there will be so much else going on.

Could you write him a letter from Santa?
Addressed and posted to him (ask Nanny to write it)
Say that he's going to be really busy delivering everyone's presents and some of his gifts will be delivered to Nannys house because the reindeers get very tired pulling the sleigh and sometimes they have to drop presents off at the childrens Nannys and Grandads
Or words to that effect 😉

This.

I hate how batshit Christmas has become. It's ok for children to not get everything they want immediately.

I am surprised how far people will go for a child getting loads of presents and love on Christmas morning. It won't hurt the child to get Gran's gift on Boxing Day.

I wouldn't like to guarantee or put a bet on that.
Sometimes kids can be fixated on wanting something that nothing else matters.

You could swap if you think granny would be happy with that.
But…..we have had Santa leave a letter to explain that there wasn’t room on the sleigh but santa saw granny and explained the problem so she says she would but it etc
at 4 they will understand and sometimes it’s more magical as there’s the letter ( internet provides great examples from sabra’s workshop !) - the delay build excitement - the message that Santa can’t afford everything- the joy for granny to hand over a gift she has purchased because Santa was over worked etc .

I’d ask to swap with the grandparent, I don’t think Christmas is a time to teach a four year old patience or any great life lessons.

I'm surprised at people saying swap the present.

My kids are well aware that they don't get everything they want. I haven't ever had disappointment on Christmas morning!

Count yourself lucky.

I've had tears 😢 from a 3 yo because hearts desire wasn't in the stocking - it was downstairs under the tree.

And as explained above LO mixing up birthday and Christmas.

To be perfectly honest I think parents set themselves up for kids being ridiculously disappointed by saying that Santa brings the big present anyway.

Santa brought a stocking of little presents to our house. It was to be opened before parents got up. It was the only thing we were allowed to open without them.

Then parents do the big presents.

It never occured to me that this wasn't consistent with asking for certain presents from Santa.

We've done the same with DS.

No dramas or worrying about whether Santa is going to have issues this year with finances. You can tell the kids straight.

Santa has still always been exciting and magical. I've had a stocking every single year I've been alive. And Santa always brings a small gift or two for everyone else in the house regardless of age.

Job done.