How to manage child being disappointed re Xmas present?

[coffeepulease]

I gave my mother (child's granny) a specific toy idea for my son's Christmas gift- something that was amongst a list of about 4 things he's keen on. Since that time he's started talking about this one toy a lot, and seems even more keen / hopeful it might be under the tree.

Difficulty is that we are not seeing Granny until the 27th, so on the day itself he'll have other lovely things to unwrap but not the special toy.

If I'd known how much he had begin to like this toy I might have bought it myself and let Granny get something different since she won't be seeing him on the day itself.

She's already bought the toy and is looking forward to giving it to DS on the 27th.

Other than saying "ooh perhaps Santas been to Granny's home too" how can I manage his (potential) disappointed reaction on Xmas day at not getting the one toy he wanted but without saying "Granny's got it" and spoiling the surprise for them both?

Honestly talk to your mum.

I'd guessed it wasn't something wild he'd asked for. At 4 it rarely is, they often ask for things that are impossible to find at that age.
They have zero idea of the value of anything but if that's what he really wants I'd try to make sure its there.

Christmas morning at 4yo when they've been hyped up for weeks is not the time for life lessons.

How mean to Granny that would be.

Yes, because it’s Granny’s feelings that are important here.

All I can say is if it was my mum she would suggest she picked something else without me even needing to suggest anything because she would be as equally concerned as me and just want DS happy on the day.

Poor granny . Probably doesn’t even know the story of what’s going on at the moment but she’s been painted as the fucking villain .

What? No one is calling granny a villain.

This is ridiculous tbh. I thought you were gonna say he wasn't getting the toy at all. He is getting the toy just a bit later. I would leave things as they are personally. You have asked granny to buy it and she has.

I’m sure he’ll be so excited that he’ll forget about the item.

I would just say the truth - Nanny is getting it. Sorted.

Don't even mention it. Your child will be quite occupied with other stuff he will have been given.
If, in the unlikely event he does ask, just be honest and say we don't always get given everything we want, and sometimes we just have to wait a bit longer or save up our Christmas money and birthday money to buy it. And distract with the presents he does have.
I think it's nice that Granny is buying it, you can bet he'll always remember that, and you'll enjoy the delight he gets in receiving it.

It's a useful lesson to learn & in the long run you'll be grateful you didn't pander to every want and need.

I think he will notice.

My DC was 4 last year, they only asked for one thing for Christmas (also £10 so not a massive present/ spoilt), we got the present but it was at the back of the pile and they were disappointed until they opened it as they thought Santa didn’t bring it/ got the wrong presents. That doesn’t make them a brat, they are 4!

If he’s really excited for the one present I would ask to swap it, I’m sure granny will understand.

No? Was a weird thing to say!
Santa brings one present from their list - this year dd is getting the Barbie plane, and a squashmellow from Santa and ds is getting a Pokemon onesie and a slushie machine.

The rest of the gifts come from us. And grandparents. And friends.

We love the magic of Christmas and Santa but also our children understand the value of money. And that they won't get everything they ask for, but if they're lucky, Santa will bring them something off their list.

I'd just remind him that Santa has left some presents at Granny's house too if he says anything but hopefully he'll hopefully be distracted with his other toys.

Absolutely gobsmacked at some of the responses on here. Wow! What a load of utter ridiculous fuss over one present. Teach the child he cannot have everything he wants end of! Such entitlement! Then people wonder why their kids turn into brats

Actually the toy is more likely to be a disappointment really isn't it? Reality can't live up to imagination! Hope he has a lovely Christmas OP, and you too

This is how I was raised and how Christmas works in my family now. Santa isn’t a replacement for all gifts from family, he brings one or two small-medium gifts per child and stocking treats. DC appreciate the love and (yes) money that we and other family members put into their gifts and we only need to work to preserve the magic around a few items - the other gifts get wrapped under the tree, kids know were gift shopping, etc. I honestly don’t understand why some parents tell kids everything comes from Santa.

I don't get the issue?
The present is from granny, he's not seeing granny until a couple of days after Christmas so he won't see the present until then either? Most 4 years olds have a grasp of days and time, don't they? You're not pretending Santa brought granny's gift too, are you? 🫣

Granny's feelings are definitely important - why wouldn't they be?

Hell probably be so excited with his other gifts he won't notice much. If he does mention it I'd tell him maybe Santa didn't have enough for all the DC who wanted one so he brought you other toys.

Christ he is four!

Swap the present he can practice patience on any of the other 364 days of the year

Scrooge is alive and well here!

They don't trump a four year old on Xmas day!

My late mother would be horrified if I hadn't told her and swapped it. Honestly the meanness to a four year old and calling them brats because of the tiny window of this time is astounding.

This. Don't ask her to swap the present with you ffs that's really hurtful and ungrateful.

I always told my DC that they won't get everything off their lists. In a nice way but repeatedly so they remembered (especially when little). You can also tell him to remember that some presents will come from grandma etc on the 27th. That preps him for maybe he won't receive something at all l, or not on Christmas Day. He will be so excited on Christmas Day tbh with all the other things going on and other presents I really think you are over worrying about this. Kids are great if they are prepped and know what to expect!!

Granny's feelings matter just as much! I can't believe you're so quick to minimise that. How utterly depressing.

I always found that come Christmas morning my kids were so excited at the gifts that were there they actually forgot what they asked for!

My kids at that age were most excited by the little things in the stocking anyway! He will be fine. If not maybe suggest he could pop the toy on his birthday list or give him a money box with a coin in it and tell him how he might start saving for a toy he wants.

I wouldn’t take the joy away from his Granny. She will be thrilled to be giving him something that he really wants.

So you are saying an adult doesn't have the emotional maturity to swap a present?

Cop on!