Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

How to manage child being disappointed re Xmas present?

257 replies

coffeepulease · 30/11/2024 19:48

I gave my mother (child's granny) a specific toy idea for my son's Christmas gift- something that was amongst a list of about 4 things he's keen on. Since that time he's started talking about this one toy a lot, and seems even more keen / hopeful it might be under the tree.

Difficulty is that we are not seeing Granny until the 27th, so on the day itself he'll have other lovely things to unwrap but not the special toy.

If I'd known how much he had begin to like this toy I might have bought it myself and let Granny get something different since she won't be seeing him on the day itself.

She's already bought the toy and is looking forward to giving it to DS on the 27th.

Other than saying "ooh perhaps Santas been to Granny's home too" how can I manage his (potential) disappointed reaction on Xmas day at not getting the one toy he wanted but without saying "Granny's got it" and spoiling the surprise for them both?

OP posts:
pinkroses79 · 01/12/2024 18:49

If he was my son I would just hint that Granny has had a visit from Santa and something is there waiting for him. Young children are generally quite positive - he will probably assume it is that gift and you won’t have told him in so many words. If he says he hasn’t got the toy he wanted, I’d just say ‘well we haven’t seen the gift at granny’s yet’. Plus he’ll still have something to be excited about. I do not think this is going to ruin his Christmas.

TvToastBedPerfect · 01/12/2024 18:53

I always say to my dcs in similar situations

If we don't get what we wish for , maybe we'll have some Christmas money we cam go buy it

Or , we can put it on our birthday ideas list

141mum · 01/12/2024 19:20

CrustyOldFrump · 30/11/2024 19:54

we always did a few small presents from Santa and the rest from us. They loved their Santa presents and learnt to appreciate the ones from us too. This approach would help you explain that granny may have bought the extra present.

That’s what we did, sorry, Santa was not getting all the praise 😂

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Christmas Events & celebrations Families
Sometimesright · 01/12/2024 19:23

coffeepulease · 30/11/2024 19:48

I gave my mother (child's granny) a specific toy idea for my son's Christmas gift- something that was amongst a list of about 4 things he's keen on. Since that time he's started talking about this one toy a lot, and seems even more keen / hopeful it might be under the tree.

Difficulty is that we are not seeing Granny until the 27th, so on the day itself he'll have other lovely things to unwrap but not the special toy.

If I'd known how much he had begin to like this toy I might have bought it myself and let Granny get something different since she won't be seeing him on the day itself.

She's already bought the toy and is looking forward to giving it to DS on the 27th.

Other than saying "ooh perhaps Santas been to Granny's home too" how can I manage his (potential) disappointed reaction on Xmas day at not getting the one toy he wanted but without saying "Granny's got it" and spoiling the surprise for them both?

I wouldn’t worry about it he’s 4. I’m sure he will have plenty of other toys that will keep him occupied for the two days before he gets the toy from granny .

FlappingMadly · 01/12/2024 19:27

A four year old is only going to make a big deal of it if you do. I assume and hope you haven't made promises but even if yiou have, he's 4! And don't say granny has a special surprise, let her do that. At that age my daughter opened one present and forgot she had more to open. It's really not a good idea to make it about things or a that a gift makes seeing a granny great. Just enjoy your son's excitement. And brace yourself for hand made gifts made at school.

Needanewname42 · 01/12/2024 19:34

@coffeepulease
Op I hope your going to come back after Christmas with an updated to this. And how it actually went.

ErinBell01 · 01/12/2024 19:56

NuffSaidSam · 30/11/2024 19:51

Hopefully, he'll be sufficiently excited about Father Christmas having been and other presents that he'll forget about this specific toy.

If not, just remind him 'we haven't been to see Granny yet and I bet she's got a present for you'!.

Yes I definitely would strongly hint that Granny has got the toy for him, if he's disappointed on Christmas day. I certainly wouldn't be saying Santa has been to Granny's house - that's not the way it works and makes the child wonder why Santa didn't leave it at his own house.. Granny has been kind enough to buy the gift, she deserves the thanks, not Santa!
In our house the kids would get a couple of things from Santa but all the rest were from us and the rest of the family/friends etc.

Original poster
coffeepulease · 01/12/2024 20:58

Nolegusta · 01/12/2024 01:12

I don't get the issue?
The present is from granny, he's not seeing granny until a couple of days after Christmas so he won't see the present until then either? Most 4 years olds have a grasp of days and time, don't they? You're not pretending Santa brought granny's gift too, are you? 🫣

I don't get what you don't get? 🤷‍♀️ If I say Granny's getting it then it spoils the surprise of him opening it for both him and Granny doesn't it.

OP posts:
Deadringer · 01/12/2024 21:00

He doesn't want a surprise, he wants to know he is getting the toy.

Nolegusta · 01/12/2024 21:01

coffeepulease · 01/12/2024 20:58

I don't get what you don't get? 🤷‍♀️ If I say Granny's getting it then it spoils the surprise of him opening it for both him and Granny doesn't it.

Show quote history

And you didn't foresee this when it was suggested/agreed that granny would get it?

Needanewname42 · 01/12/2024 22:15

coffeepulease · 01/12/2024 20:58

I don't get what you don't get? 🤷‍♀️ If I say Granny's getting it then it spoils the surprise of him opening it for both him and Granny doesn't it.

Show quote history

Op you've got two choices, Spoil the surprise or Ask Granny to swap.

In the age of the Internet and Amazon people have forgotten the crazy lengths parents used to go to to get the desired toy for Christmas wither it was Tracy Island, Telly tubbies or Ninja turtles. Queuing outside shops, driving round multiple toy shops looking for the desired toy that year.

Original poster
coffeepulease · 01/12/2024 22:18

pinkroses79 · 01/12/2024 18:49

If he was my son I would just hint that Granny has had a visit from Santa and something is there waiting for him. Young children are generally quite positive - he will probably assume it is that gift and you won’t have told him in so many words. If he says he hasn’t got the toy he wanted, I’d just say ‘well we haven’t seen the gift at granny’s yet’. Plus he’ll still have something to be excited about. I do not think this is going to ruin his Christmas.

Thank you for this sensible suggestion. This is what we're going to do.

OP posts:
Original poster
coffeepulease · 01/12/2024 22:21

And you didn't foresee this when it was suggested/agreed that granny would get it?

@Nolegusta I explicitly addressed that point in my OP. He started talking loads about this toy after we had asked her to get it for him, and it jumped to first place in his wish list.

OP posts:
Original poster
coffeepulease · 01/12/2024 22:30

A lot of silly drama and bickering on this thread. I feel like my OP has been massively misinterpreted (quite possibly my writing style) and my clarifications ignored. Lots of strong feelings over Christmas Day have been triggered on this thread! Anyway, we were never going to ask Granny to change. Nor am I trying to engineer that my child avoids all disappointment in his life. It was merely a clever / deft way of wording things for a 4 year old I was after.

Anyway I'm going to remind him that all his family buy gifts and not just mummy and daddy, and then hope that he's pleased with the lovely gifts on the 25th enough to not notice. In the event he does notice and seems disappointed I'll remind him that his Grandma has a gift for him coming on 27th. If this still doesn't help I'll whisper that I saw a [special toy] shaped parcel under her tree.

OP posts:
Lulu49 · 01/12/2024 23:32

You don't. Life is full of disappointment and kids need to experience this and learn how to deal with it. Your child will get lots of lovely presents and Granny's will be a massive surprise on the 27th.

Nolegusta · 02/12/2024 01:47

coffeepulease · 01/12/2024 22:21

And you didn't foresee this when it was suggested/agreed that granny would get it?

@Nolegusta I explicitly addressed that point in my OP. He started talking loads about this toy after we had asked her to get it for him, and it jumped to first place in his wish list.

Right, but you've explained that you can keep changing your wish list?
Also, stop calling people triggered when they don't agree with you. 🫣

CyranoDeBergerQuack · 02/12/2024 06:19

Perhaps future present angst could be solved by not getting a child every present on their list then telling them that they will be getting everything on their list.
No meltdowns because the demanded present is not there on xmas morning, less likely to get a spoilt, entitled child for life

Needanewname42 · 02/12/2024 06:46

CyranoDeBergerQuack · 02/12/2024 06:19

Perhaps future present angst could be solved by not getting a child every present on their list then telling them that they will be getting everything on their list.
No meltdowns because the demanded present is not there on xmas morning, less likely to get a spoilt, entitled child for life

What ?
The kids 4 last Christmas is probably the only Christmas they remember. And they probably don't remember it that well.

Most parents would do what they could to get the top of the list gift there for Christmas morning, especially when it's a reasonable gift.

Yes sometimes you need to manage expectations, Santa doesn't bring toys that are too big to fit on the sleigh, or are too old / too young for you, and live animals are a no no the get travel sick and poop on the other gifts in the sack.

But it doesn't sound like this is any of those things it's a £10 toy.

It's not going to be there so head in the sand hoping kid isn't going to notice sorry wouldn't work for my kids. Op needs to put the ground work in and manage the kids expectations.

Blondeshavemorefun · 02/12/2024 09:26

What is the toy he wants and what will Santa bring

Assume one of the 4 on his list

Can you keep mentioning the Santa toy saying soon Santa will bring it. Etx

celticprincess · 02/12/2024 09:47

At that age I always went and collected presents from family or they dropped them at mine so we had them all on Xmas morning. Apart from dad’s house (divorced) which is separate and his family is separate. But all my side of the family got their presents to me in time for Xmas day.

Mrsmch123 · 02/12/2024 11:14

Lulu49 · 01/12/2024 23:32

You don't. Life is full of disappointment and kids need to experience this and learn how to deal with it. Your child will get lots of lovely presents and Granny's will be a massive surprise on the 27th.

You don't need to disappoint them on Xmas day Jesus!somemof these comments are wild....again hes four and it's his most wanted item by the sound of it.

Laura95167 · 02/12/2024 12:04

It's a good learning experience about disappointment and patience.

I'd write his letter to santa with him, and talk about how santa is taking some stuff to Granny's too so he needs to remember Santa will be sending some there so he'll be a lucky boy getting some on Christmas and hopefully Santa will keep a special one or two for Granny's house too

tomuchwater · 02/12/2024 12:35

i usualy ask what grandchildren like and try to get something they want and parents buy other things id be hurt if asked me to change after id bought and paid for gift to give to them we agreed on, as like to see them happy and excited this year wont have that as wont see grandchildren as had falling out with parents but will deliver gifts so have them for xmas .but seems lot of grandparents get treated like this .i miss my grandchildren but not upset with parents

Original poster
coffeepulease · 02/12/2024 13:51

Also, stop calling people triggered when they don't agree with you.

Actually @Nolegusta there were people disagreeing with each other and having lengthy disputes in this thread! They weren't even engaging with my question. Anyway, how can they "disagree" with me when I didn't express a view? I asked a question.

OP posts:
Nolegusta · 02/12/2024 15:20

coffeepulease · 02/12/2024 13:51

Also, stop calling people triggered when they don't agree with you.

Actually @Nolegusta there were people disagreeing with each other and having lengthy disputes in this thread! They weren't even engaging with my question. Anyway, how can they "disagree" with me when I didn't express a view? I asked a question.

It's possible to disagree with even having to ask this question.