Can’t Believe what I’ve done

[Frostyliss]

Morning

I have done something so bad, and I am really beating myself up over it

i’m 43, divorced and a single mum of two teenagers. Last year we moved into a new village and I have made a real effort to get to know people and make new friends. I am really into fitness and have joined a circuit training group. This is also become part of my social life.

last weekend I went on a night out with the people that I train with. There were lots of other people there who I hadn’t met, friends of friends etc at the end of the night some of them came back to my house for more drinks. The kids were staying at their dads so I didn’t have to worry about that.

The guy who runs the circuit training had a couple of friends with him. He is in his early 20s and I assumed that they were around the same age.

To cut a very long story short after a few more drinks and a lot of flirting with one of the guys who was there with the circuit trying to leader, I ended up sleeping with one of them.

This is very very out of character behaviour for me. I’m 43 and I haven’t had a one night stand since I was 20.

So here is the main issue. The guy that I slept with stayed in my bed until the morning. We were chatting the following day and I was explaining that I didn’t normally do this sort of sort of thing etc. He asked my age and complimented me. I asked his… he was 19

I literally felt my legs in go jelly like. I assumed that he was in his early 20s. I know that isn’t much older, however, it just feels different.

I feel really disgusted with myself and can’t stop thinking about what a massive mistake I have made it’s certainly won’t be happening again

I get on well with the circuit training leader and spoke to him about it last night and he told me that I was overthinking it and that I was just having some fun.

I keep thinking that people would take a very dim view of what I have done if I was a man sleeping with a 19-year-old woman

Am I overthinking this?

She described anyone who has sex with another consenting adult where there is an age difference as indecent, embarrassing, weird and wrong.

i do feel sorry for someone who is so negative about sex and so repressed and judgemental of other peoples private lives. It’s one thing not to choose to do it oneself but quite another to be morally outraged by what consenting adults get up to in private. Boundaries have nothing to do with this.

This isn’t directed at men though, op is a woman🙄You’re describing your nephew and friends as overgrown children who are apparently 19, he’s not a child he’s a man.Your previous post is sexiest, unfortunately there’s no reasoning with someone, who then says they’re not sexiest (this post is about a woman just to clarify so you can comprehend, it’s not about an older man)
A woman having a consensual relationship with a younger man is a ‘sleazy skankbag’ to which you are repulsed by!
Hmmm, that doesn’t sound at all sexist!

I’m most outraged at the inability to spell sexist.

Often it's the people who have never participated in random sex or one night stands with strangers who are the least 'repressed' of all. They build up a strong relationship where communication & combined experience together teaches them them what is pleasurable & what is not. In turn they become closer both physically & emotionally & the sex gets better & better. That's not being judgemental of people who don't agree. As always each to their own.

I’ve never had a one night stand or sex with a stranger but I recognise that what other people choose to do in private with their own bodies is none of my business and would be pretty weird for me to be offended by it.

Exactly what I said. Despite not understanding what people get out of it compared to a strong long term relationship,I would never judge other people's consensual sexual decisions.

I wouldn't say "cheering her on" but not just making a huge issue of it? As a one off it's not really an issue no matter the sex of the parties.

lol, negative about sex? Are you another one who goes on about being sex positive which is just code for ‘say yes to anything as you’re a prude.’ A term that men have pushed and pushed to get women to do what they want.

But no, I’m not negative about sex, but sex where one person is only just an adult and the other has been an adult for longer than the younger person has been alive, too right I’m negative about that.

@TellMeNotToGo so at what age do you think an adult can agree to sex safely? If not from 18 onwards, when do you think they can?

Sad that you think ‘sex positive’ means rape or coercion? I’m sorry if you’ve had horrible experiences that have given you a horrible outlook on sex. Pushy men and abusers are the issue, not sex in and of itself.

What exactly is it about an age difference that you find so upsetting? How close in age should two people be for it to pass your test?

l made a spelling mistake, sad that’s all you took from my comment, seemingly what the other poster said was perfectly acceptable to you, being repulsed and calling women sleazy skankbags, but a spelling mistake wasn’t.
An inability, no just an error, that l was unable to edit, which l corrected in my reply to the other poster.

What do you mean by decent?

Would anyone post a thread, if they didn't want people to notice it? Every thread seeks attention. Nobody posts not wanting anyone to respond, react, give opinions.
@TheTidyBear I agree, I was more thinking that, if it had have been the other way around gender-wise, I would say age would make the female 19 year old more vulnerable. Women just don't tend to hurt men during sex, become violent, or violate them in any other way while in this sort of position.

I am a woman in my early forties who would be afraid if left alone and drunk (or not drunk) with an unfamiliar man, whether he was 17 or 70.

Light hearted comment - was hard to read the point as I kept getting stuck on sexiest :).

I agree with your sentiment - that poster is pathetic.

You're both adults, it's maybe a bit embarrassing but we've all don't daft drunk stuff.

Don't overthink it

It would be different. We live in a patriarchal society. The power dynamics between men and women aren't equal, it's fatuous to suggest otherwise.

There’s a lot of pearl clutching judgemental people on here.
She had what I can only assume was a mutually enjoyable shag with a young bloke. They parted on good terms with no expectations. Nobody got hurt and they both have a tale to tell.
Next!

What does his babysitter think?

Don’t be ridiculous, you can’t groom a 19yr old man 😂

It’s fine. You both had a nice time. It’s a bit unusual but you meant no harm and did no harm.

Don't overthink it, it's done, hope you enjoyed, I've been there ... big hug 🌷

Stop overthinking it. Hope you had fun!

Technically you've done nothing wrong but, small villages are notorious for a gossip mill. Not a great situation to fend off.

@pinkstripeycat

Groomed just means prepared or trained for particular purpose. It isn't just for middle aged blokes on the internet talking to underage girls and it has no age limit, of course adults can be groomed. It's well known that abusive men seek out vulnerable women and groom them, pedophiles single women with children, scam artists the old, alone or with additional needs. You can be groomed at work for a leadership position.

But as I said in my post clearly OP hadn't done that, it was a spur of the moment thing and other than age (which as he's over the age of consent doesn't officially matter) doesn't sound vulnerable in any way.

Get in there!! Come on your in your 40s & you pulled a 19 yr old fit bloke good on you!!
Take it on board & own it you foxy diva who give a flying fig if the rest of the crusty knickers take a dim view it’s only because their tenna pad stops them from being so impulsive Get right back on the crest of that wave & ride it with pride for all the fit women out there 😁