Smelly friend advice please

[Bringithere]

I met this friend about 2 years ago. I love spending time together and we can chat away about everything and anything for hours on end . Quite often she can be smelly though . She has IBS and needs the loo a lot. She showers every day but doesn’t change her trousers or leggings for days and sometimes when she has gone home, the seat where she’s sat is really smelly and I need to clean it. She has close friends who she has known for many years, so they would be in a far better position to have mentioned it if they’d had a problem with it. Can any one think of anything I can do ( either practically to protect the sofa ) or tactfully handle this ? She is such a lovely person, I’d hate to upset or embarrass her but sometimes it’s really noticeable.

I think you should tell her. Maybe not say you smell of arse. But maybe, I’m not sure you’re aware but I’ve noticed when you don’t change your trousers everyday, you smell and I would want to know if it was me. I hope this doesn’t affect our friendship and I’m sorry but i just have a really good sense of smell. Worse case senario you lose a friend but your pillows stay fresh, best case, you stay friends and she smells better. I would want to know and I would be so greatful that you had told me .

Darling you smell a bit of botty is class. Anyways. Why doesn't anyone have the balls to say... honey are you managing with your ibs as you have a whiff off poop about you and I wanted to tell you incase someone said something less caring. Job done. Sofa saved.

Not everyone can afford to shower every day, not wash clothes every day.
Also not have the energy to shower every day.
Sometimes if you live alone, you go nose blind.
Or have had COVID, lost your sense of smell.
If you like her company, you may want to keep the window open and use a washable throw as you said.

People can have flannel washes if they can’t afford a shower. If she has the energy to go to her friends, she should have the energy to have a quick wipe around. It’s basic hygiene

Mental ill health and certain developmental disorders can mean some people really struggle with personal hygiene despite being well intentioned, it can really help if there are close relatives around to remind the person what they should be doing, or put schedules and stickers around the house to prompt them.

Perhaps it’s best to speak to whoever lives with her, so you can encourage them to support her?

I was friends with someone who showered daily but completely missed washing certain parts of the body, this caused multiple recurring urinary tract infections, which must have been hell for her.

Some people were never demonstrated personal hygiene growing up, as you ought to do with children, so they never developed the daily routine, and sometimes it can be difficult for an old dog to learn new tricks, but it’s absolutely possible with lots of help and encouragement while a new better routine is set.

I had the same problem with my late father, the seats would wiff after he left. After he died I found some incontinence pads in his drawer so he obviously had a problem we knew nothing about. 😢 maybe your friend has the same problem?

A sink wash with a soap and flannel costs pennies.

These are wonderful ideas but how does one broach these things with a relatively new friend? She could be really upset by it.

How do you know she showers daily? How do you know she doesn’t change her trousers daily? These are really weird things to discuss with a friend!
is she overweight? I’m wondering if the smell is more to do with just being sweaty than actual IBS… I suffer with IBS and I don’t poo or even skid in my pants.
Also I have visions of you sniffing the seat after she’s left because it can’t be so strong you can smell it without getting close … and that’s also REALLY weird!!

You can really cheap fleece throws in IKEA that come out of the wash almost dry. I would say anything direct tbh. The messenger often gets shot. I might say "can you smell that?". Look if it's my kids I'm all for saying "your bo is making my eyes bleed, get yourself washing changed and deodorant now please" but smelly people, I tend to avoid. Some subtle oil burner, bum throw, can you smell that? Check your shoes for crap. She might get the hint. Sorry no help at all