Smelly friend advice please

[Bringithere]

I met this friend about 2 years ago. I love spending time together and we can chat away about everything and anything for hours on end . Quite often she can be smelly though . She has IBS and needs the loo a lot. She showers every day but doesn’t change her trousers or leggings for days and sometimes when she has gone home, the seat where she’s sat is really smelly and I need to clean it. She has close friends who she has known for many years, so they would be in a far better position to have mentioned it if they’d had a problem with it. Can any one think of anything I can do ( either practically to protect the sofa ) or tactfully handle this ? She is such a lovely person, I’d hate to upset or embarrass her but sometimes it’s really noticeable.

And I completely agree with this!

I really think you should tell her. I think if it’s done in a kind way after she processes it she will be very grateful. Let her know how hard it has been for you to muster the courage to tell her and that it is coming from a place of love. She may be upset at first but if she is as lovely as you say she is she may be embarrassed for a few days but she will thank you for it eventually. As I’ve got older I’ve realised how valuable it is to have compassionate people in my life who tell me hard truths. Good luck OP ♥️

Are there charcoal pads or cushions you could put on the seat she usually uses and then cover with a throw? I feel you may need a second line of defence.

I walk dogs as a side job and I get arse smell if I have a busy day of 3 or more walks. What kind of work does your friend do? If it’s something physical maybe that’s a factor

BeccaS34. We are both retired but she walks a fair bit unless the weather is really bad. Easily does 13-15,000 steps a day. We were talking about our hot water settings, and she told me when she sets hers because she showers in the morning. So if she showers at about 8am, walks a lot throughout the day, has IBS flares and doesn’t change her clothing daily, I think that would easily explain the whiff. I think it’s the fart smells clinging to trousers that’s probably the main contributor.

The more I think ahout this, the more I think I know the smell you're talking about. A specific scent of sweat that you only get between your bum cheeks??
For her CLOTHES to smell like this, she must be wearing the same clothes day in day out. I've only ever noticed this type of smell if I specifically smell myself and I have never ever smelt it on my clothes!! And I wear my trousers for maybe 3 days before I wash them! (I might start washing them daily just in case!)

This is such a difficult situation and I sympathise, op.

Does the woman go to work? I would have thought something would have been said to her, discreetly, there. Also if she has children, they would certainly not be backward in coming forward.

When she comes round, put a throw on the seat. That can go in the washing machine when she has left.

Maybe see her less often.

This.🤢
I once dated a guy who's sofa smelt like this where he sat. Bleurgh
It didn't last. 🤣

Eh? Maybe her names Clare? What's so appalling about it Terea? I think your names appalling, because my aunt was called Teresa and then she sadly lost her s.

This is definitely a difficult situation to broach. Could you somehow twist certain washing products into conversation? “Ooh I used this new Lenor fabric conditioner the other day and fell in love. You have to try it. You need to use it regularly to really smell the benefits though!”

(I have also PMed you!)

Ever so very slightly off topic.........is it possible that there is something else attributing to the ladies 'smell'? It crossed my mind that there could be a gynae issue as well as the IBS. A symptom of this might be an offensive vaginal discharge which would add to her 'personal odour' - and I am not trying to be crude or hurtful........just an observation.

Right. So she's retired, fit enough to be doing a lot of steps and not skint. An intervention is needed.
My husband has 70+ men doing a physical job. The all get told if they smell. My husband calls them soap dodgers.
You are going to cut down the time you see your friend if she doesn't sort it so buckle up OP.
My BFF told me I was an alcoholic. Nobody had dared. I didn't hate her, it was a catalyst for change. Luckily I'm not smelly. I nursed a parent with bowel cancer and that was horrendous. Poo smells I can't do. Be brave, it's a kindness really.

How would you word that then?

'Darling, are you aware you smell faintly of botty?'...

Use a washable throw, you can get waterproof ones that just look like fleecey throws, not crinkly or plasticky at all, I have one because we have a dog with an intermittent leak, its very good (he smells more than faintly of botty, quite often!).

Nooooooo! Please tell me number 2 (haha! Excuse the pun!) didn’t happen! 🫣

If this was my friend, I'd have to tell her because I couldn't have my sofa having whatever is smelling seeping into it.

@ThreeDoorsDown that is really funny.

I'd say he was a keeper. Posh people can be smelly. Horses and all that.

My husband calls trumps botty burps.

This is a problem with people who shower daily, then think they can get away with wearing the same clothes for days on end because they are clean themselves.

I have a lovely male relative, I know he showers every day, but he’ll wear the same shirt for a week and it ends up stinking of BO. Which he never seems to notice!

You’ve had some good suggestions anyway. I think a throw and a pad is the way to go. As you said, no one else has said anything so it makes it awkward for you to be the one to bring it up.

😂😂😂

Could you steer the conversation round to what washing powders and soaps you use?

It may be that she is using laundry liquid and bodywash, neither of which are as good at cleaning and removing smells as washing powder and soap.

Tell her.

Friend, I love our friendship but I have to mention that you have a strong odour that is left behind on the seat. I wash x times a day using these products and find they are effective at keeping me clean and fresh. Do you want to try x product as I often bulk buy?

.....

If you can't say that then you aren't her true friend.

All this nonsense about putting down a throw is ridiculous, you may as well put a peg on your nose.

As an IBS sufferer, and quite a sweaty person generally, I'm now crippled with fear that maybe I stink and no-one's told me! I've never smelled anything like you describe... is that because it's me?! Argh!

🤣🤣

This was my thought exactly 😅 I don’t have IBS but IBD, and I’m constantly worrying that I smell (especially if I’ve had a particularly “farty” day!) I shower twice a day and wash my bedsheets weekly, but admittedly I sometimes wear the same trousers two days in a row (especially jeans or work trousers - not leggings though). I need someone to let me know if I smell because I have this horrible fear that everyone notices it but me.

If you leak, wash thoroughly remove and wash everything below the waist you'll be fine.

My husband has a very poor sense of smell these days. It happens.

I think I would do something like, if you're planning to meet up, I'd text something beforehand like "will be a bit on the drag as I had to find new trousers as the ones I was going to wear are a bit smelly (already worn them yesterday!)" or if you're talking about someone she has never met say "she is lovely, but can be a bit smelly at times, probably needs to shower more or change her clothes every day!" but I don't know, that second one sounds a bit cringe. And she might just ask you something like "I don't change my clothes everyday, do I smell?"